MAP failed, pregnant and confused... Help :'(

[Stargazing89]

Hey, so I don't normally write on any forums but I'm dying for advice from anyone who can offer some.
I'm currently in uni, studying for my dream career, I'm about to begin my second year of a 3 year degree.
To cut a long story short, me and partner of 6 years DTD and the condom broke, I immediately took the MAP and now i have a BFP test. I am in shock, I can't believe this has happened, I just feel terrible. I can't tell anyone as my family will be so disappointed, my partner knows and is happy but I just see it as ruining everything. I have two children with my ex partner and I love my children more than anything, I'm sure I would grow to love this baby but I don't feel ready, I feel as though it will put pressure on everything. I feel awful that I'm not happy about it when I know so many people try so hard to conceive unsuccessfully, I feel for them so much and I would never want to offend anyone by being so cold about my own pregnancy. I could never give my baby up for adoption so that is out of the question. I don't think I could have an abortion but at the same time don't think I can have this baby. I feel so alone and I can't turn to anyone for advice, I know overall I have to make the decision but it would be so nice to hear some kind/constructive advice.
My partner and me haven't always had the best relationship, he is a great guy who wouldn't harm a fly but our relationship is sometimes questionable, we don't have the same passion or goals as each other and I'm not even sure we will make it in the long run.
Has anyone been in this situation or similar who could help me think more clearly about this situation.
Thankyou so much for taking the time to read this... x

Would it be possible to delay the start of your third year and maybe complete a year later? Do you have anyone who could help you out with childcare until you’ve finished your course? I’m sure you’re entitled to support with childcare costs as a student.

www.gov.uk/childcare-grant/what-youll-get

Thankyou for your reply MaryH90, I could intercalate half way through my second year and return the following year to finish degree but I feel like I wouldn't want yo leave my baby at such a young age in childcare, I know that's how I felt with my other two, hence why I started uni when they were both in school full time, i do get help with childcare costs through student finance which helps alot. I think my main concern is that I've failed my children and I've failed my family by falling pregnant at a time when everything was beginning to look brighter for the future. I can't tell my mum and ask for her advice because she will be so disappointed and sad about it, she has enough worries without me adding more, it's all such a mess :(

I got pregnant young and had a termination, as soon as I saw that positive pregnancy test I knew what I had to do due to a million different reasons. I can't say I regret it but I often torment myself about what if and I still have bad days even 7 years on. But when I found out I was pregnant again with my house that was a brick shell, I'd just taken out a mortgage, a car to pay off, 20 grand in renovations.. I could not have been happier. My point is, I was 100% sure I needed my termination and I was 100% I was having my LO. Hope this helps and good luck with whatever you decide x

Thankyou Megglou, that makes sense, I just wish I was 100% on what to do right now, I think I will be doing a lot of soul searching over the next couple of weeks and hopefully decide the right thing to do, thankyou again so much x