Sorry I’m not sure I’m posting in the right area.
I’ve posted previously about ttc baby number 2. For the last few days I’ve been thinking about how I’d feel if I were pregnant. We’ve been trying for about 8 months but without reallt monitorinf ovulation and due to a few upheavals we haven’t been dtd as much as we should so although disappointed I’m not extremely surprised that I’m not pregnant yet. That being said because I fell pregnant with DS when on the pill I assumed getting pregnant would be a little easier but I don’t seem to be getting the timing completely right.
Anyway,
DS is nearly 3 and what I think is a lovely age to give him a sibling. I’m an only child and since being younger I’ve always disliked the fact I didn’t have a brother or sister, most likely because everybody else had one (my mum is one of 11 kids too).
Last year my dad passed away and I don’t think I’ve managed to grieve properly. I moved house a few months later and there has always been something big going on which has kept my mind occupied. my thoughts seemed to pretty quickly change to having another baby so that if anything happened to me or DP then DS wouldn’t be alone. My Dad was terminally ill and in his last months he would sit me down and tell me where certain documents where and tell me what I’d need to do about certain things when he died etc. I coped at the time with this although it broke my heart. DM suffers from depression so I tried to take on a lot myself as she was coping well. This was a point in my life I really wished I had a sibling to share what I was going through. I know it wouldn’t have made it easier, but I think now as things are starting to hit home more I wish I had sibling to confide in who would be going through the same thing.
I’ve been off work for a little bit as I’ve been ill and it’s given me so much time to think. I’m starting to wonder whether I’m so invested in having a baby as way to further try and distract myself from grieving. I know I 100% want more children. I’ve always wanted a relatively small age gap between children and I’d love DS to have a sibling he’s close to, but I’m worried about if I were to be pregnant then how would I feel with all the hormones etc.
DP would be happy to delay having a baby for a while, we’re still young enough to and it was me who wanted another so soon but I think now that I’ve actually let myself think about the situation with losing my dad I’m having second thoughts. But I don’t know if this is normal when ttc if people get cold feet. If I found out I was pregnant now I’d still be over the moon but I’m worried that grief would catch up with me and I don’t want that to tarnish the joys of a new baby / pregnancy 