Writing a letter to my dad after 11 years of no contact letting him know I have had a baby ..please help

[bowgumdrop2018]

so what the title says + some background briefly... I am 20 years old and have lived with my mum for the past 11 years as when I was 9 I moved out of my dads into my mums for whatever reasons . My dad hasent tried to make any contact with me since I went and I have struggled a lot growing up with this and has caused a lot of permanent emotional damage . I have always wanted to try to get contact again but been to scared and now I have my baby I feel it's something as a parent myself I have to do. I don't know what to say or how to come across to him , I am completely terrified of how this could turn out where he either ignores me or he tells me he's ashamed in me for having a baby young ( I am not she is my world) ..I don't want to come across rude or immature and want him to see the adult in me and not the 9 year old he's once knew. if I'm honest I just want my dad back in my life as it's all ever so short and as I said now being a parent I have realised how special that bond is and I feel I want my fathers again ... please if anyone can offer any suggestions or help or even just support I would be grateful.

Good luck, OP! I don’t have any experience of this, to help you know what to write- I’m sure someone more knowledgeable will come along soon. In my experience generally though, the best thing to do is just start writing... get everything down just as it comes into your head, and once you have a first draft it’s easier to edit. Good luck! :)

Start writing and see what comes to you. It may take a few goes but you’ll get what you want down on paper eventually. I hope things go the way you want it to go.

I had DS when I was 20 and I was terrified to tell my dad who I lived with at the time so I got my mum to tell him but he was thrilled. I know it’s not the same situation but not everybody sees being pregnant at 20 as a terrible thing.

It’s definitely worth a shot to see if it gets some contact back between you. Make sure you get down everything you want to in the letter as it may bring you some closure. By the sounds of things you really want your dad back in your life so I really hope it works well for you.

Good luck

You said you moved out for ‘whatever reasons’ what were these reasons? If it wasn’t abuse then get in touch. I mean emotional, physical and/or financial abuse to you or your mum. Also why hasn’t he tried to get in touch with you? I’m not being harsh OP just want you to remember who your father was and whether you want HIM back in your life - not some romanticised image of a grandfather to your child.

Write to him maybe, if you want to tell him but bare in mind that he may not care. You say that you would like that parental bond with him, but maybe he simply cannot offer you that. He could have made contact with over the past 11 years and hasn't. I only mean this because you need to try and protect your feelings.

Ime letting my df into dc's lives just gave him another opportunity to be a let down
Dc sat waiting at the window and him a no show.
Told him to stay away after that.