Not sure if I should abort.. I’m 8 or 9 weeks

[Idontknow777]

I had an abortion a year and a half ago. I’m 26.
Please don’t judge me, mistakes happen and I thought I wanted to be pregnant this time, but when I actually was my life crashed down

It wasn’t planned, but I had been thinking of wanting a kid since I had that abortion a year and a half ago (before that I never thought about it or was close to ready for kids, my birth control failed unexpectedly). I think since that abortion, I felt like I wanted to “replace lost baby” I researched it and I guess that happens sometimes. I’m not saying I purposely got pregnant, but I had been thinking about having a baby since, and thought if I did get pregnant everything would be ok, and was less serious about birth control methods.

Choosing to abort was hardest decision I made, but at the time it was the right thing for me to do. I don’t regret it but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt me. I still cried about it and thought about it, and didn’t get the counseling afterward that I should have to avoid my now situation...

My bf and I don’t live together, but he said he would pay for a place if we kept it and we have been looking. In some ways, I know things could definitely work out. At the same time, I haven’t experienced enough in my life, I don’t wanna live where I live forever and I know my boyfriend does bc of his family/friends. I don’t like the weather here and it’s very small townsy, which I always felt like an outcast in.

I wanted to move to la for a long time, but didn’t wanna pack up and leave my bf. But part of me worries I will regret that, and miss a possible better would-be life I could have for myself..

Other part of me says well I’m 26, we can financially make it work, I know I’ll be a good mom when the time comes but I will have to leave my dreams and goals behind. I love kids and I know I would be happy having one of my own and watching him or her smile and grow up.. but I also have dreams and goals that I will have to leave behind, and be a Stay at home mom, I don’t make much money so my bf would Be the provider and I would do childcare and home care.

Whaf should I do :(

I’m 9 weeks, which also make me feel way worse..

And I’m scared that I could have complications , I do want kids so I don’t want my uterus or cervix damages. With my abortion a year and a half ago, I got a medical abortion which felt more natural and I was only 6 weeks along

Only you know the answer, maybe read back and see how you feel and then write a pros and cons list o work from.

I can only advise from my own experience, lots of history until 26 and then I knew it was the right time, I had no regrets and had finished off things I wanted to do pre children. Wouldn’t have hesitated to abort if it didn’t feel right.

Do you have anyone in rl to run how you feel past them, what is your partner feeling about it all?

Only you can make that decision.