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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Would you let ex in csection?

21 replies

Cakery · 25/08/2018 17:11

Wanting genuine opinions really
My partner left me a couple of weeks ago at 6.5 months pregnant.
I have a 3 year old to ex and he didn’t even say bye to him. All very out blue. I’ve decided what’s best for me is cut contact.
However - when the baby arrives- would you allow him in section? ( i am having an ELCS)
Obviously this is a major operation for me and I want someone there who can support me personally. I don’t think this is him.
Prior to the decision to cut contact I’ve asked him to consider trying for everyone’s sake, I’ve asked him to stay in touch with 3 y/o and work on our relationship and be civil etc.

OP posts:

fuzzywuzzy · 25/08/2018 17:13

No I wouldn’t.

Purely going by you saying you do not feel he would be supportive.

Take someone who will be supportive and a help to you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/08/2018 17:15

Absolutely not. You need to have someone there who you trust and feel supported by. It’s not the person who upped and abandoned you.

Good luck with everything.

GreenPimpernel · 25/08/2018 17:18

I wouldn't even consider it. Yes, it's the birth of your baby, but it's also major abdominal surgery, and you should have someone who hasn't recently abandoned you in advanced pregnancy, and didn't even say goodbye to his own three year old.

Very best wishes, OP. You are clearly being a trouper.

Disfordarkchocolate · 25/08/2018 17:20

I think you need someone supportive and who will take care of you. If he's there it's likely they will hand the baby to him first, does he deserve that privilege?

Poptart4 · 25/08/2018 17:20

A women is at her most vulnerable giving birth eighter vaginally or by c-section. Only have him there if you think he will be a good support for you.

If having him there makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed in any way absolutely do not let him in the room.

No one has the right to be at your birth and dont let anyone tell you different.

ShovingLeopard · 25/08/2018 17:22

No way. He lost that right when he fucked off without any consideration for his wife and child.

lorisparkle · 25/08/2018 17:23

In your case I would take my mother, sister or best friend and certainly not ex.

Original poster

Cakery · 25/08/2018 17:24

Thankyou- it’s just so hard knowing what’s right. Obviously he’s still her father but I need support.
I think it’s particularly sore because my mum committed suicide while I was pregnant with my little boy, I was 26 weeks. I have no other female family but I’m sure a friend would come especially as its planned in advance

OP posts:

starryeyedsnowgirl · 25/08/2018 17:32

If you were my friend I would be so excited to come! What an amazing thing to be a part of. If You wanted to remain civil (and you genuinely thought it wouldn't upset you) I'd invite him for evening visiting hours that day.

GreenPimpernel · 25/08/2018 17:34

Thankyou- it’s just so hard knowing what’s right.

Not in this case, OP. Or at least it's not hard to rule out something that would make the birth of your baby far more stressful for you. Yes, he is still her father, but the fact that he failed to say goodbye to his three year old when he left you, and the fact that you felt you had to ask himto stay involved in your son's life suggests this is not the kind of man to expect support from in an operating theatre.

Do you have a friend you can ask?

Original poster

Cakery · 25/08/2018 18:46

I think my mums friend would maybe, but I just feel that it’s a lot to ask someone ? Like I don’t want people to feel that they can’t say no

OP posts:

Monkeysocks2017 · 25/08/2018 18:53

I know it sounds harsh but if he walked out on your 3 year old would you really trust him to turn up on the day of the c section? Have you got someone reliable to go with you? And ask him to visit after, if you do decide to allow him in with you, have someone on stand by, maybe in the waiting room to support you if he doesn't, good luck and do what you feel is best for you, no one else!! Xx

SleightOfMind · 25/08/2018 19:03

I’m quite a private grumpy old sow but if someone in your situation asked me to support them at such an important time, I’d be thrilled.

Please don’t feel you have to have someone you can’t trust with you. Ask the person you want to be there.
I bet they’ll be delighted and a great source of comfort.

lorisparkle · 25/08/2018 19:33

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, you have been through so much. I am sure your mothers friend would be happy to support you. I would feel privileged to be asked.

hammeringinmyhead · 25/08/2018 19:51

I'm sorry. What a shitter he is. Mum's friend/another friend would happily accompany you, I bet. I would.

GreenTulips · 25/08/2018 19:55

Hi, I'm married and DH get faint at the sight of blood so I asked a friend instead, he knew he could not have coped

I would be happy to support any of my friends the same way.

Ask, if they say no, ask someone else.

Thistles24 · 25/08/2018 20:11

No way. And if he’s not even attempting to be a dad to your 3 year old, he wouldn’t be getting to see the baby either. You can’t pick an choose which of your own children you want to be involved with!

Gobletoffire · 25/08/2018 20:15

Even though he is your baby’s father, you need someone there who is going to support you and looking after you, which is definitely not what he has done recently! Take a close friend with you, I’m sure many would be honoured that you asked them. Good luck to you, you sound like a very strong lady x

Flipflop789 · 25/08/2018 20:17

No way. You deserve someone who can be there for you to help you at such an important time.

Sta1989 · 25/08/2018 20:18

No it’s major surgery the last thing you need to be worried about is him. He can see the baby after.

delilahswishes · 25/08/2018 20:22

Has he shown any interest in being there?? If it was an ex who was actually wanting to be involved with the children, I'd say he should be at the birth but in your case where he doesn't sound fussed about either child then no. I'd have someone you can rely on for support and (If he shows interest) he can meet the baby once you are home and settled.

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