Just pregnant with my 3rd at 39 and terrified

[Slimfast1]

Dear all,

I need some positive words of wisdom as I am totally freaking out right now. My husband and I are lucky to have two healthy children aged 2 and 4, and we had always wanted a 3rd, however over the last few months we were slowly coming round to the idea that we were very happy with two due to financial restraints, age, etc, and I was content with that.

However on Wednesday I found out I was pregnant (probably about 5 weeks) and I have totally lost the plot. I feel riddled with anxiety and keep waking up at 2am and worrying for the rest of the night about the future and how silly we were to have found ourselves in this situation. Im hoping that is all just the shock and hormones and soon a sense of calm will come over me, but right now I am just a wreck and crying all the time. My husband is very supportive, but hates seeing me like this. I have tried to get an appointment with the GP to discuss these negative feelings towards the pregnancy but cant get one till end of next week, which feels a million miles away right now.

I feel very alone with these thoughts and don't know what to do. Positive thoughts would be welcomed.

I have a six and a four year old who took a lot of effort of trying - I’ve spent years of my life being disappointed every month. So when my period was a day or two late in January I hadn’t even noticed.

We thought we’d make up our mind about trying for a third this year but given how long the other two took we were not expecting it to really happen. And my two year old is still a shit sleeper.

I’m eight months pregnant now with my surprise third - (I’m 37), and recognise what you’re going through. I went through feelings of stupidity (conception can just be s one off, not an endurance test), remorse, sadness, oh-shitness, money, work and family worries. However once I’d got over the shock then the acceptance kicked in and made it feel much, much better...

(Sorry, that’s not to say you’ll feel that happy too... just to say you’re not the only one in that position, but also I changed massively in my feelings between 5 and 10 weeks...)

I hear you x I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd when my ds was 4 and my dd was 6 months old - they were both ivf and as we were given no chance of natural conception by the doctors we weren't using protection- and bang - found myself pregnant! I was completely shocked and upset and no idea how to feel or how I was going to cope!
But dd2 is now 3 and I can't ever imagine her not being here. It is hard having 3 as most things are geared towards families of 4 but I promise you it will be ok!

Take one day as it comes at the moment, but I just saw it as it was meant to be. Do you have a good support system? Will your 2 year old be in nursery a little when new baby is born?
My dh worked in London when dd2 was born and was leaving the house at 6am and Home between 8-1030pm. It was tough but I got through. Give yourself time to adjust to the idea - took me a good few months! X

I have three children and think three is a fantastic number.

Hormones are funny things and, together with your acceptance of having two and the tiredness of having a 4 and 2 year old, you are probably feeling overwhelmed.

We thought very hard about having 3 and when trying to convince ourselves that 2 was best had come up with some strong arguments why 2 was best. When we then changed our mind to have 3 we had to then try and counter all the reasons why we had thought 2 was best! It did take a while so you may have the same feelings but we were able to work this through before I was pregnant whereas you have not got that luxury.

I do love having 3. It feels more complete than 2 (although my dc would like another one). I find that as they all like their own space at times that no one feels left out. It is busy and sometimes chaotic but I have learnt to embrace the chaos and find that visiting children love that busy feel!

I am sure that your feelings will settle down soon but ask for help whenever you need it. Could you get an emergency appointment if you are feeling overwhelmed now or could you speak to your health visitor?

Thank you so much for all your kind words. Despite tears rolling down my face it is good to know I’m not alone in these feelings. My husband works in London too, but thankfully my parents are nearby despite being in their 70’s (I havent told them yet, as they will think we are mad because financially things are tight).

I love being mother that’s why I feel so overwhelmed by all these negative thoughts. I will definitely push for an emergency appointment with the GP next week.

I felt the same way when I just discovered that I was pregnant with my very unexpected (and somewhat miraculous) 4th, due later this week. It's a horrible feeling.

It can be worth asking yourself or even writing down the pros and cons of a new baby - and for the cons, are these things that can be addressed, or are they not?

Also it does bear saying that if you don't want to continue with this pregnancy you don't need to. Marie Stopes offers unbiased counselling over the phone or in person, it's free, very confidential and unlimited until you have reached a decision. I spoke with them in the early days and found it very helpful - there was no pressure to terminate or to continue, it was just lovely to have a sounding board to discuss things with outside my family, who I wouldn't feel guilty telling all my fears and concerns to.
Three is hectic but lovely. Frankly speaking, it is much better with a good support network and / or cash to buy support, but if you want it you can make it happen however you are set up.

Thank you Stuckforthefourthtime, obviously that option had crossed my mind (& I nearly rang them in the night to discuss my feelings) as I’m feeling so desperate right now, but I’m just hoping & praying I feel more positive soon.

Wow, good luck with your fourth, hats off to you.

I was pregnant with my second when my first was 9 months old, I was still breastfeeding and literally about to start a new job the week after the pee stick said yes (got pregnant celebrating job offer )

It turned out absolutely fine but I had massive worries about finances, maternity pay, how we'd manage in a 2 bedroom house etc. You'll be fine OP, good luck and congratulations!

Completely understand how your feeling, finding out that we are expected our 3rd in July was a big shock. Had kinda come to terms that at 33 our family was complete and two was enough lol. DD is 11 starting secondary school and DS 7 feel like starting all over again, felt scared, worried and overwhelmed. But as the weeks have gone by feeling more positive and excited about it all now.

Thank you 🙏, i feel more hopeful that this awful fear will pass...I hope it does soon