Getting the right balance between niece and new baby

[newmummy0094]

Hello
I'm five months pregnant and I'm not really showing so my niece still hasn't accepted that I'm going to have a baby. She is starting school this time so she is four. At the moment I look after her every Tuesday and then I also pick her up on a Friday from nursery and she goes home on Saturday afternoon.

Another person in my nieces life also recently had a baby and she has taken it very badly. She is an only child and used to all of the attention.
She recently said that she wants the baby to die. She is only four so she doesn't understand what she is saying yet.
I'm really worried that when the baby comes I won't be able to do as much with her.
We had arranged for me to pick her up every Tuesday and Friday after then sleepover till Saturday. She is talking about when I pick her up we can go swimming and to the park. I don't know how to tell her that when the baby is born I won't be able to pick her up for a while.
I really want to still do as much as possible when the baby is born but I don't want to promise too much as I this is my first child and I don't know what I'm in for yet.
How should I explain this to a four year old and why do I feel so selfish?
Any advice would be more than welcome and anyone who has been through a similar situation I would love to hear how it went.
Thank you so much for reading all of this

She's four. She won't remember. You've banked a lot of time with her so she'll more than remember you when you can get more involved again.

I honestly wouldn't give any of this a second thought - you aren't her parent. Eventually she will come to love having a cousin!!

Maybe try and gently ease her in to the idea of a baby being around?

Tell her how exciting it'll be to have a baby cousin and all the wonderful things she can teach the baby.
If you give her a role to play, it might help. Like after bathing the baby, she can be the one to gently brush the baby's hair.

In regards to not being able to pick her up, don't feel bad. You're not being selfish in the slightest and in a couple of years, she won't even remember.

Agree. She’s 4. 4 months is a very long time in her life and she won’t remember if you start talking about having a baby now.
I’d forget this issue for 2-3 months.

She’s used to all the attention. But in the long term it will be good for her not to get it all. Once she starts school she will change again. Children are always changing. As her cousin grows she will form a bond. You might feel worried about her now but once your baby comes you will be too tired for any of it. Have her visit and let her see that the world does not revolve around her but she is loved. It’s a lesson we all learn.

Does she play with teddies or other soft toys when you are around? If so play with her then introduce and repeat the concept to her of having a younger cousin to play with until you are due. (Unfortunately children's TV programs only use the concept of siblings and friends.)

Once then when you are just 7 months explain how new borns can't do anything for a while. Then get some books to read to her about babies and read them more than once.

Thank you for all of the advice. I'm just worried about hurting her feelings I suppose. I'm sure in time she will come around i just didn't want her to have any animosity towards the new baby.
Thanks again for all of the help.

Sounds hard. I think this is one where her parents need to pick this up, if you can talk to them about it, talking about how aunty is going to have a new baby and isn't it exciting, and they will be able to visit, how the baby might use up a lot of aunty's time to start with (but all the lovely stuff they will be doing with her) but won't it be lovely to be able to play with baby when he/she is a bit bigger etc.

I think you need to start spending less time with her now. Maybe collect her on Tuesdays and Fridays but not letting her sleep over.

This will give her time to get used to you not being around as much. If you suddenly drop her after the baby is born she will feel rejected by you and resent your baby.

Also as she is starting school this would be a good time for her parents to get her into some after school clubs or activities. That way she may be happy to spend less time with you as she will be busy making new friends and having fun.