Hey. So I got my bfp weekend just gone and at first I was super happy about it. As the days have gone on I'm secretly freaking out and worked myself up in such I state questioning if I can go through this again. My daughter is 3 1/2 and I really thought I was ready but with 2 awful experiences and my gp having the 'why did you let this happen' attitude I'm being made to feel like I've done something wrong.
So in 2013 I was pregnant for the first time, was treated for High bp at 25 weeks, went into labour at 27 weeks, had a placental abruption in labour. I just remember going dizzy then waking up to be told my baby grew her wings at 34minutes old. IL always be thankful to her daddy for holding her in her final moments.
In 2014 I was pregnant again and the plan was to get her out at 35 weeks. At 35 weeks she was doing well so they told me to go to 36 weeks. At 36 weeks she was still doing well so they tried getting me to 37weeks but at 36+4 my body gave up I had another placental abruption. I begged them to get her out at the 35 and the 36 week appt and was told 'every week counts' Thankfully they managed to resuscitate my child and after an intense NICU stay she is now a happy healthy 3 year old.
So I had the implant for 3 years and in that time we got my bp stable. I got advice for TTC again from consultant and started taking folic acid. Implant was out in April and we just had our bfps on the weekend.
I contacted the gp who has the attitude of 'why did you let this happen with your history and condition' he is keeping me on one of the medications that is NOT recommended in pregnancy and won't listen to me when I tell them my concern. He just says the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. In my 2nd pregnancy I had to start baby-aspirin very early on as a blood thinner (apparently related to placental abruptions) but he won't put me on it this time.
I have this over-whelming fear/gut instinct that something is going to happen to me this time and I'm going to leave my daughter with no mummy. The thought of it got me so upset earlier I needed to leave the room to calm down.
I have a stitch like/achey kind of pain at the top of my stomach. I don't remember this pain from my2 girls it's a constant throb and at the top, had it for a few days.
I'm high risk so under a consultant, so they are sending an appointment out but it won't be till 11/12 weeks apparently. The midwife has no interest in seeing me this early and I do have an appt with the gp next wed but I'm not comfortable with him, I've tried changing it but the next available one with someone else is 6th September.
I don't know what I want from this post just having a rant. Feel so upset like I just know it's going to end in tears one way or the other.