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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the sex?

14 replies

MalachisMum1 · 22/08/2018 19:18

I'm considering the pros and cons if funding out the baby's sex.
Pro:
Focus all my energy on finding a perfect name for one gender.
Buy gender specific clothes with confidence.
More options when decorating the nursery.

Cons;
Takes away a little of the excitement.
Clothes, room, toys might end up too gender specific.
Could be incorrect and end up costing a fortune to replace said gender specific things.

What are other people's thoughts as I'm going round and round. OH says he doesn't mind either way, so it's my decision.

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BergamotMouse · 22/08/2018 19:25

We didn't find out with DD1 and not finding out with this pregnancy. First time round I wanted the surprise and wanted to stop people buying gendered clothing before the baby was born (we got plenty afterwards). I'm now pleased as all the newborn and most of our 0-3 clothes will be appropriate for DC2 boy or girl. I really hate the unbelievable amount of pink for girls and still try to keep my daughter's wardrobe neutral.

We've decorated the nursery and just gone with what we like, it happens to have blues in it but that will work for either sex. Likewise my daughter's room has lots of grey ish pink but I'd happily put a boy in there.

DoraNora · 22/08/2018 20:51

I always said I wouldn't find out, but then when I got pregnant I had this overwhelming, all-consuming conviction that the baby was a girl.

I decided to find out (thrilling DH who had wanted to find out all along) because I kept thinking of the baby as 'she' and I didn't want the baby to become a more solid person to me that I was wrong about. And flippantly, didn't want to let DH make a rubbish decision on a boy's name and then end up with a boy!

She is a girl

For me, completely the right thing to find out and has helped me to bond with her. For another baby, I might not make the same decision, depends on how I feel.

isabella2 · 22/08/2018 21:02

We didn't find out either time. My husband was very sure he didn't want to know which helped me with the decision! With the first, I wanted neutral baby stuff and newborn clothes whatever the sex as I knew we'd like another baby in the future and I enjoyed the anticipation. My husband looked to see if it was a boy or girl after she arrived and it was the most amazing moment so the next time we didn't find out either. That time we looked together and again, such a special moment that I'm glad I waited and I would do again.

I am such a planner that it surprised me I was so happy to wait but glad I did.

Fireba11 · 22/08/2018 21:30

I didn't want to but DH did. Then I came round to the idea, especially after talking to a few friends with kids, and I'm really glad I did because I didn't like calling the baby 'it' and as you say it's easier for naming!

Merename · 22/08/2018 21:41

Didn't find out first time and found out second. DH wanted to each time but let me choose last time so this time I obliged him. I felt kind of deflated after finding out tbh. Just like 'oh that's that bit over then'. Now she's nearly here I'm accustomed to knowing, but I didn't like it and don't think I'll want to find out again if we have another. The first time the finding out at the birth and guessing all through was part of the joy for me.

Grumpos · 22/08/2018 23:10

We found out early on at a private scan, I would have been happy not knowing I suppose but it just felt right at the time and also his ‘bits’ were clearly visible before she even got round to checking!

We didn’t actually tell anyone for a good while though so it was still very much like our little secret. We eventually started to tell people around 34 weeks and just said we decided to find out after all.

No one has bought me too gender specific stuff because I made it clear earlier on in the pregnancy that I preferred neutral purely for convenience ie you can bleach away the stains from white baby grows!

I’m happy we know and I feel really bonded to him, I’m sure I would have either way. It definitely hasn’t ruined any surprise or made it less exciting - I just know who I’m going to be meeting that’s all!

mumofmunchkin · 23/08/2018 03:41

We didn’t find out for the first two, but will be finding out this time (but are telling everyone we haven’t found out, as this is something I want between me and dh). For me, it’s not a practical decision to do it differently this time but an emotional one. I have two boys and have this overriding feeling this one is a girl. If it’s another boy I will be delighted, but don’t want to spend another 20 weeks visualising them as a girl, I would rather get excited about having three boys.

There is no right or wrong answer to this. Finding out mid pregnancy or at the birth is still finding out, you are just changing the timing. Go with what you feel in your gut is the right thing for you (and remember, just because you know doesn’t mean you have to tell the world, if that’s not what you want).

eeanne · 23/08/2018 04:17

I think way too much is made of this being a "surprise." The only real surprise would be if baby was neither boy or girl. It's going to be one or the other...

I found out because it was just another piece of information to me, along with the baby's head circumference or femur length, that was available when we went for the scan. It held no particularly special importance.

BlueBug45 · 23/08/2018 07:26

I haven't found out as I've just haven't wanted to yet.

In regards to your pros and cons naming is the only one that is of significance, and even then I've found it easier to come up with names then some of my friends' who knew the sex of their babies simply because I don't have a known family tradition to follow. In my case I just avoided names their large number of 1st cousins have.

The other ones like gendered clothing, gendered toys and gendered themes are up to how you and the people around you gender stereotype. I have borrowed clothes from friends who had girls which are mostly gender neutral with a few blue and pink clothes thrown in.

UntilTheVeryEnd · 23/08/2018 07:41

I didn’t find out with DC1 - I was convinced she was a boy and when she was born a girl It was just the best surprise... I chose to find out with DC2 - finding out he was a boy helped me bond with him. My DH and I decided we wouldn’t tell anyone about the gender scan and to this day everyone still believes we didn’t know the sex at birth. I bought gender specific stuff and hid it - that way everyone got the surprise and me and DH had a special secret.
I’m now pregnant with DC3 - I want to find out again but DH is keen to keep it a surprise for our final pregnancy. We already have one of each so it doesn’t matter what we get, I suppose! Part of me wants to know tho - I might change his mind yet... I’m only 5 weeks

UntilTheVeryEnd · 23/08/2018 07:45

Oh another point - with DS I was able to focus all my energy on a coming up with a name I loved. With DD (as she was a surprise) I didn’t have a firm list or anything - DH named her quickly and I do feel some name regret. If I’d have known her sex prior to birth I can say for absolute certain she would have a different name.
🤷‍♀️ I’m sure many won’t feel this way tho
Congratulations on your pregnancy OP

WhirlingTurkey · 23/08/2018 08:42

We didn't find out last time, and won't be this time either. DH said it was up to me both times, he didn't mind. I didn't really think of the pros and cons, I just wanted the big surprise at the end. I love the sense of anticipation - there aren't many big surprises in adult life after all. I'm really not into "gendering" babies, so for me planning/buying things based on the baby's sex isn't a concern really. We'll reuse my DS old clothes for this baby as much as is seasonally possible (summer baby vs winter baby). The only area I would like to know for is choosing a name. Mainly because DH and I struggle to agree on names and not knowing the baby's sex doubles the struggle there.

I'll be honest - I'm very tempted to find out this time, much more than last time, but we still won't be as I just feel like finding out at the scan would be an anticlimax compared to finding out at the birth (for me personally, not commenting on anyone else's experience) and once I know I can't unknown it... so will be exercising my willpower and keeping it to the finale! I think wanting to find out this time has something to do with being sure it's a boy... whereas last time I had no strong feelings about baby's sex either way. Although I don't mind what we have!

Original poster

MalachisMum1 · 23/08/2018 10:44

Thank you all for your thoughts. I don't think we will find out as have a boy and girls name already picked out and as much as I have been gushing over little dresses lately I really don't want them purely pink or blue. Just need to work on a back up name for each sex in case they don't 'look like the ones we have picked lol thank again everyone, you were all very helpful. X

OP posts:

usernotfound0000 · 23/08/2018 11:03

I think of your pros, only the name one really is a pro.

We didn't find out first time, I had no desire to. We managed to buy neutral stuff, decorated the nursery in neutral colours and we just bought some gender specific clothes when she arrived (we needed to anyway as she was tiny and nothing fit). We have found out this time and it is more for a practical reason, we wanted to prepare DD and also wanted to know if we could get rid off all the clothes we had kept from her.

It really is a personal choice, there is no right or wrong. I don't feel any less excited this time now I know compared to when I didn't first time. And it really hasn't helped in the naming thing - just means me and DH are only arguing about one set of names instead of two!

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