AIBU - My dad and his girlfriend will be in Tanzania when I have my baby and she was delighted to tell me

[Tillyfloss1]

I have posted regarding my family situation before and specifically my dad and his girlfriend. My dad is now back in a relationship with the woman he had a long term affair with when I was in my late teens. This culminated in my mum having a breakdown and ultimately and very tragically she killed herself. The woman would not back off whilst my mum was ill to the point where my dad did not in fact have anything to do with her for the next 6 years. Anyway, they are now back together which causes obvious issues but myself and my siblings try really hard to maintain a meaningful relationship with our dad. I am expecting my first baby in October. The gf booked a trip with my dad to Tanzania before I announced my pregnancy and so they will be away for 3 weeks over my due date. I was upset by this because obviously my mum won't be there either but I completely understand that it was booked beforehand and apparently has cost thousands and cannot be moved. My dad never actually told me but I found out from my sister on the quiet, then the gf took great delight in telling me saying well you don't need him so it's not a problem you will be busy and also pointing out that she doubts they will have any mobile signal or WiFi for me to contact him. Her approach has really upset me. My dad was there for both my sisters babies and cancelled (smaller) holidays for this. Tellingly she had actually booked these holidays knowing my sisters due dates. I feel very much that my dad should have told me and that I shouldn't have been accosted by her with the information making out like I've got no right to be upset. AIBU?

No, you aren’t. People will point out that your dad is equally to blame because it is his grandchild but I would be upset too. Sadly, it is your dad’s issue if he wants to persue a relationship that damages his relationship with his children.

She sounds like a cow but the more you show her you are upset by her behaviour the more she’ll do it. You need to try to grey rock her.

YANBU and she sounds like a bitch to be honest.

I'm sure your Dad will be gutted about missing the birth (definitely still try to contact him) and hopefully he might realise what a cow his GF actually is.

Sending hugs x

I don’t know whether you are being unreasonable because just from the limited information you have given I wouldn’t be wanting either of them anywhere near me or my children . The fact that you have tried to maintain a relationship and your dad is choosing to put her first probably speaks volumes .

I think you need to speak to your Dad and tell him how you feel and how you felt when his girlfriend told you this. I feel your pain.
I’m not in contact with my mum, mainly because she’s truest nasty, but my father told me last week he will be in America when my baby is due, with no plans to change his plans!
It sounds like a truely toxic situation you find yourself in and actually do you really want this foul sounding woman around you as you have your baby. I know it’s hard really realising that you don’t have the support of remaining relatives and it must be such a reminder of your mums absence. But remember you are starting your new family with your partner and that this is a fresh start away from all this crap.
I am sorry, I know how disappointing it is. His girlfriend sounds very immature.

Urgh she sounds horrendous. Sorry you have her in your life, OP. :(

It sounds like a truely toxic situation you find yourself in and actually do you really want this foul sounding woman around you as you have your baby. I know it’s hard really realising that you don’t have the support of remaining relatives and it must be such a reminder of your mums absence. But remember you are starting your new family with your partner and that this is a fresh start away from all this crap.

I agree with this. I know that it’s sad your DF won’t be around. But try to take comfort in the fact that she won’t be hanging around trying to play grandma. She sounds absolutely awful.

Try not to show her that it bothers you. I’d just say something like ‘Oh it’s fine if you’ll be away. We don’t want lots of visitors in the early days anyway’. I bet you anything she’s jealous and bitter.