2nd time around - panicking about labour

[MangoesAndMatchsticks]

Second pregnancy, I'm 37+4, which is the gestation at which my other one was born.

I had a frightening labour and poor aftercare. A few things are hopefully going to be different this time. I'm under a different trust, and have chosen (providing it goes to plan) a different birth setting.

I've spent most of my pregnancy telling myself that I've totally got this and feeling really confident.

And now I'm suddenly asking myself what the fuck I'm doing putting myself through this again and feeling really panicky.

I don't even know what I want really... a few words of wisdom, or any tips I guess?

Help!

I feel totally the same as you I'm 31 weeks pregnant. I had a 4 day labour with my 1st which was traumatic and now the time is coming I'm shitting it lol! Hope everything goes ok for you x

@MangoesAndMatchsticks I think that's a fairly normal response if you had a tough time first time around. I don't really know what advice to give other than to try and think about what happened last time and try to avoid it this time, which it sounds like you've done.

I'm only 10 weeks and I'm already thinking / worrying about it!

Soph I was 4 days with mine as well, waters went and then contractions stopped. I had to be induced. I was so exhausted and I had birth injuries with little to no care.

Hidcat I gave birth in a hospital setting last time with constant monitoring due to induction and blood in my amniotic fluid and my abusive mother was there. I'm hoping for a MLU birth this time and am NC with my mother.

So overall circumstances should be better.

I just can't seem to shake it at the moment though, which is daft because I know the more relaxed I am the easier it will be.

Like others said, I think it's normal given a difficult first experience, and in a way you just have to feel the feelings, and try to let them pass when you are ready. I'm facing a section with my second which I really don't want, and a couple of days ago I had a massive wobble and anxiety about it, as crying all day etc, but a good chat and airing my feelings with dh really helped them settle down a bit. I think it's important to be patient with yourself and your difficult feelings, if you know what I mean, as trying to just shake them often doesn't work when it's something big like this. I had been trying to pretend to myself that I was cool with a section when I so wasn't.

Have you considered hypnobirthing? I don't mean to disregard your concerns and experiences, but lots of women do it after a traumatic first birth, and find the experience totally different second time round. I've done an online course (34+2 with first baby) and it's made me feel so much calmer and empowered (I have anxiety and OCD). PM me if you want to know more about the course I did (don't want to advertise here).

I was going to suggest hypnobirthing too. I’m currently doing an online course I heard about on here and would really recommend it. I think it would really help with anxiety.

Mere I get you completely. It's tricky because DH is always so unbelievably laid back about everything that nothing is ever a problem. So when I want to talk to him about fears his go-to response is "It'll be fine". I then have to say "I know it will be fine. I know I can do this. But I'm still scared about it and I feel like I need to talk about that right now." He listens well enough then, but then doesn't have much to say himself - which is probably for the best because anything he said would be wrong anyway

for you, because I know it's really tough when things go completely the other way from what you want.

I've recently had a second induction. Very similar to the first in terms of time and pain levels. I've been lucky, because both were six hours and easy. What I did find with the second was that it was much calmer, because I knew what I was feeling. I also had amazing coaching all the way through from a student midwife. Maybe request not to be left labouring alone (which I think can sometimes happen in a MLU?) and keep up the communication all the way through. I know it really helped me. I have recovered much more quickly from this second birth too, if it gives you any hope. Good luck!

Hmm yes mangoes I can imagine it's a bit frustrating when you put your fears out there and don't get much back - but yes opinionated listeners can be worse! Thanks for your sympathy - I do feel a lot more accepting now but no doubt will have a few more wobbles in the remaining 3 weeks or so.

I don't know if you'll have time given you laboured early last time, but I loved a book called 'stand and deliver: and other great ways to give birth' - just full of birth stories of all shapes and sizes. Or there's a blog 'birth without fear'. Maybe not your thing, but I love reading birth stories and feel empowered by women's amazingness when I read them that gives me hope I can be amazing too

I don't know how much time I have left but I know I'm engaging quite quickly now (I was 4/5 last week, 3/5 night before last, and I felt him drop again yesterday so poss 2/5 now), and I've been quite crampy with backache on and off for the last week so probably not a lot of time left to invest in much.

I have a ball at home, the pool at the MLU, and I've taken some time to learn some visualisation techniques and breathing exercises this time around.

I'm also watching positive birth videos where the women are almost silent and don't actually sound like a shed of cattle (me in first labour) - it's oddly relaxing watching women giving birth in such an amazing way.

It's also really helping to know I'm not alone in my fears. I think even if DH was the most sensitively in-tune man in the world, it's still not something he could ever really understand, whereas I feel far less silly than I did before I posted. I really appreciate all the responses.

You’re already in better position than last time having learnt some visualization and relaxation techniques. And watching positive birth stories is also great - just keep reminding yourself, your body is designed to do this. And it’s been through it once already. Chances are it will go better than last time simply because of muscle memory alone. Good luck!

I'm 30+3 with baby no 2 and this week I've started to have birth related nightmares and feel quite 'on edge'.
My first labour lasted 3 days, I was so exhausted by the end I was hallucinating. DD was really poorly afterwards and had to go into SCBU and I was then readmitted due to an infection, the care I received was not good unfortunately.
This time around I've been told I'm having a "big" baby (above 90th centile, DD was only 2nd centile and I tore!) and I'm a small person with a small pelvis so I'm feeling very anxious about the birth. It doesn't help that every time I have an appointment at the hospital, I see a different Doctor who contradicts the last one so I don't feel confident I can place my trust in them. I don't remember being scared at all when I was pregnant with my first, I think I'm just so aware now of everything that can go wrong.

Looks like I may have been right about not having much time left for courses etc - had some fluid this morning which the community midwife thought was most probably a bit of a show, and I'm getting period type pains here and there now!

Minister I think it can be a lot harder when you have that awareness. Ignorance is bliss as they say. I'm trying really hard to stay relaxed because I know if I tense up about it all I'm likely to make it harder on myself. The breath I've found most helpful for anxiety is in through nose for 4, out through mouth for between 6 and 8.

I've also been listening to relaxing music on Youtube as I fall asleep each night which has helped with nightmares.

@MangoesAndMatchsticks good luck!

Oh you are defo not alone, what you have been feeling is so normal. But now your baby is nearly here! Sounds like you are well prepared despite some fears, and the breathing will definitely help. Try to trust your body, and your baby that you will both work together beautifully to have an incredible experience. All the best

How are you doing @MangoesandMatchsticks? Any sign of baby yet?

Found out this morn at scan mine has turned yippeee! So now 3 wks remaining to stress about vaginal birth lol. But am so delighted.

Hope you are ok and feeling calm.

He's here! 6lb 9, arrived 5.52 this morning.

I had a long latent labour and most of the active phase at home - first contraction was just after my last post. Managed with breathing exercises only.

Started transition at 3am this morning, arrived at hospital at 3.30am, had obs etc, then half hour gas and air. Pushed for an hour with no medical assistance.

I had a completely different birth this time, and my only injury is a small tear that doesn't need stitches. My son is beautiful and I've been for a walk.

What I would say is that it's best to only think about the current contraction, and breathe through it. I inhaled for 4, exhaled for at least 6 (8 on the stronger ones). I found a low rythmic "ooh" sound helpful on the exhale. And repeated that breathing until the contraction passed.

Positions, laying down and sitting hurt the most. Stood leant over a chair or on all fours was the most comfortable. So experiment until you find one that works for you.

I had deep back labour. DH kneaded like bread through each one, and mopped me with a cold flannel between.

Also, still Lucozade and glucose tablets gave me the energy to finish it. Pack these!

When I had my first, I felt like I was dying. This time I felt that I could take just a little bit more, and then a little bit more, until he was suddenly here.

Positive thinking made all the difference.

Get relaxed, get happy, be mindful, learn some breathing, and only focus on what your body is facing in that moment, don't think about the next bit, and trust that this is what your body is built to do.

I cried when I found out I was pregnant again, even though I really wanted another baby, because I was so scared. I'm not anymore. If I can do it, so can you.

Congratulations!!! So happy you had a better experience

Congratulations! So pleased everything went well for you!

Yayyy! Well done to you and delighted he is here safe. Enjoy these first few days and be proud of yourself

Just wanted to pop back now I'm less out of it and thank you all for your support in the days leading up to the birth. It really made a difference knowing I wasn't alone in being scared, and I really appreciate that you all took the time to post

Congratulations!