PLEASE help! :(

[clhx76]

Hi all,

First of all I want to thank who ever Is taking the time out to read this. Im only 7 weeks pregnant, I found out about 2 weeks ago. I’m 22, I live in a one bedroom flat with my boyfriend and we both work. Initially when I found out I was happy and we were working out how we would afford the baby, where we would live etc. Since then I’ve been unbelievably anxious. I do have a history of anxiety and depression. One day my heart is set on the baby the next day I want an abortion and for it to be all over with (so sorry if this offends anyone). I keep worrying about the labor and how I will handle it, I keep worrying about my mental health throughout this pregnancy and afterwards I am convinced I will get postnatal depression or even worse. I really want to be able to enjoy this pregnancy and be happy but my brain isn’t not functioning with me!

Please help, any advice at all would be great!

Sorry to hear this. You said you’ve got a history of anxiety and depression - what worked well for you in the past to help you overcome this? Can you apply the same principles and/or get professional help?

Firstly, congratulations. You are going to be a mum and I promise you when that baby is born your worries take second place to the love you feel for that child.

I wanted to let you know when I was pregnant with my first child I felt similar anxiety. I had wanted a child and then when I fell pregnant easily backtracked. We had loans, lived in a small flat in London and I was only in my second year of teaching. I have to say I spent two weeks on the sofa crying. I felt sick whenever I thought about money and childcare and considered for one second termination.

I didn't get rid of that anxiety until I felt him move. Once he started kicking I started to bond and the worries were there but I started to accept I would cope. When he was born those worries were still there but were not important. We made it work. Now I am expecting my second and can't wait!

You will cope financially. It is surprising how much you save in the first few months of them being born and you have time now. A 1 bedroom flat is more than enough room for a baby. They don't need much. Mental health wise it is natural to feel like this. You have tonnes of hormones taking over. Lots of woman feel down and anxious. It is all new and scary but you can talk to midwife and get support.

Do you have a good network of support from family and friends? Have you spoken to your boyfriend about how you feel? X

Congrats on your pregnancy- if it helps I had no history of mental health issues but in three of my pregnancies I was v anxious in first trimester and finally understood why people did have abortions. I think it was the lack of control and the scariness of it all - plus feeling like death warmed up and full of hormones. It was definitely more to with the process of being pregnant and not about the baby. Be kind to yourself don’t assume everyone finds this easy - it’s a huge thing really. Also I didn’t have a sniff of pnd or baby blues just felt down in the first 16 weeks or so. Going for walks helped massively for some reason. Best of luck

First 16 weeks of pregnancy not once baby arrived

I had my babies via ivf, and I felt exactly the same way, you’re not alone! Pre-natal depression is a thing, your hormones will be all over the place, and it’s perfectly normal to want your baby but hate being pregnant (nobody told me and I felt like a freak for 8 months!).

I went for a long walk every day in early pregnancy, which helped to keep my anxiety at bay, and focused on what my babies were up to each week. At your booking in appointment with your midwife tell them how you’re feeling, they’ll be able to refer you to mh services for some help if you need it.

For the labour, I searched on MN for positive only stories. I know anything can happen giving birth, but For me I needed to focus on the positive otherwise I’d build it up in my head to be worst case scenario, hence positive only! I had twins so knew I was looking more at a c section which terrified me, but adopted an attitude of they’ve got to come out somehow, and armed with my positive stories felt fine when it happened - I actually chose c section in the end.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! 💐

Congratulations to you. I hope that you have friend’s and family that you can talk too. Just keep talking on here, to help you. You sound lovely and you have come to the right place to seek help and advice.

Hi ladies,

Thank you all for your replies. It makes me feel better knowing I’m not the only one that feels or has felt this way. I used to take medication to control my depression and anxiety and weaned off when I had it under control. Now that I am pregnant it has returned in full force which is great timing, not. I know it’s probably something to do with hormones etc but it just feels so unbareable. I really wish I could pop my baby in somebody else and then they give it to me after labour. I actually have a termination booked for the 28th and an antenatal appointment on the 29th. I’ve pretty much got 9 days to decide. I have just spoken to a Marie stopes counselor on the phone and discussed how I was feeling. She said “maybe you’re not ready” and my heart dropped. I wish I could feel happy again... sorry if I offend anyone along the way. Thank you all x

I don’t think it’s for anyone to talk you you are not ready. You do need to talk someone. Your gp? Your hormones are all over at the moment and that can make you feel all sorts. You are ready, you said you were happy when you found out about the pregnancy. You just need some support fe the sounds of it.

Hello

I really related to your post. I am 29 and the baby was planned but I have a long history of anxiety and depression and it also came back at full force. I was completely honest with my midwife at my booking appointment and she was very understanding but I still didn't feel much better. I would wake up in the morning in sheer panic and determined to sort an abortion and by the evenings, I would feel better and decide I was going to have the baby.
As hard as my first trimester was, I am now in my 2nd and feeling a lot better. Everything seemed to change for me after my 12 week scan although it wasn't instant. I felt huge relief that everything was ok with the baby and for the few days that followed, I found I was feeling excitement and loved the little bean that I was staring at in my pictures. I am a born worrier and think a part of me wasn't allowing myself to be happy in case they told me there was a problem so I focused on all of the negative things such as my mental health and finances etc.

I still have down moments and being pregnant isn't easy at the best of times but I feel so much more positive about the experience. I am currently having weekly intensive CBT sessions and really recommend asking for some help during the pregnancy so that you feel you have some control when you have bad moments. Telling family has also helped as everyone is really excited which helps a lot.

It's ok not to feel giddy with excitement straight away, everyone processes things differently and depression by its nature can ruin most things. I would recommend seeing what support is available to you during the pregnancy before making a decision and hope you start feeling clearer about things soon.

Hiya,

It is a comfort knowing someone has been through a similar situation. I am glad you are feeling better now as well and enjoying your pregnancy! Congratulations.

I keep thinking maybe if I just push through to 12 weeks then I may begin feeling better but knowing me and my brain I probably won’t and this puts me off. I have a GP appointment booked, I am going to go and see what support there is to be offered. Just feeling really helpless at the moment.

I know it sounds really terrible but when I am feeling like this I feel like I don’t care about the baby and feel like it is the pregnancies fault that I am feeling like this

Hi I just read through everything and on reading this it felt exactly like me 11 years ago. I had a history of mental health & I fell pregnant at 15 I felt same as scared & anxious every thought going thro my mind possible. I found out very early on I was only about 6weeks but I had kept it to my self for an other 6 weeks hoping it would all go away but I fainted in gym class and was rushed to hospital they discovered I was pregnant by taking my bloods and gave me a scan seeing my daughter looking at her heart fluttering up on the screen it changed my mind set on everything I no longer became scared i no longer had thoughts of termination it turned into love and excitement. All I'm saying it don't make a decision 2 early have your 12 week scan and midwife appointments give you time to thing everything thro without rushing. Talk to your midwife and gp about your concerns about your depression returning once baby is born they gave me a prescription ready to put in my hospital bad to start taking once baby was born as a precaution they could come up with a plan for you aswel. Build close network of people your trust friends family your partner talk to them about how your feeling and what support u think u will need and in time you will see what's right for you and in what ever choice you do make make sure you have plenty of support around you x

I really did feel like you. My partner kept telling me that I'd feel better and it annoyed me as I knew how awful I felt and just felt I had made my mental health worse by falling pregnant. Is there a possibility of having an earlier scan privately and seeing how you feel? I think it's really hard to connect with what's happening when all you've got is a line on a stick.

Iknow what you mean. I felt same way thro both my pregnancys but wasn't until my scans things started to click with me then your bump grows and you start buying little things you start to bond but we will always worry until your baby arrives. I'm having a anxious moment my self right now I've currently had the mirena for 2 years had no issues period on time until last 4wks I'm 6 days late I'm constantly tired feeling sick boaking at certain foods cramp in lower tummy and feeling more emotional but I'm 2 scared to take a test and can't find anyone who's had similar experiences with coils but read a lot of dangers with pregnancy and coils but also a lot of good out comes and people who have phantom pregnancys aswel so my emotions are a bit all over x

Thank you both for sharing

I did think about having an early scan and it hopefully changing my mindset. I hope that when I see the heart beat etc it changes the way I feel.

I ideally did not want to leave it past 9 weeks as I really do not think I could go through with a surgical abortion. That also terrifies me (if you didn’t already guess I’m scared of everything medical lol).

I just wish that I had a different mind set. I feel terrible for my boyfriend I think I’m driving him crazy as well - one day I’m keeping the baby, one day I’m not sure.

It's very common Not to be sure about your pregnancy it's a lot of change your your life and body. Have you tried to imagine what it would be like just the 3 of you discussed boy and girl names how he/she would look like & colour of hair ect I found that helped me with my second pregnancy x

I had a baby at 21 on my own in the 1980's. It felt like the end of the world but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. i didn't even have anywhere to live so had to go into a mother and baby hostel.
I was young enough to have tons of energy and coped really well. Later on when he had grown a bit I did a degree and now have a really good career.
He is now in his late thirties and I'd not be without him. He is so precious to me. I won't pretend it wasn't hard but it was the best thing I ever did. Best of luck to you

I think the scan would be a really good idea. I have depression, OCD, health anxiety and general anxiety and I sometimes struggle to decipher between what I'm really feeling or what my poor mental health is tricking me to feel. I hope one way or another you feel clearer about things soon as I can relate to how unsettling that feeling is!

I think the scan would be a really good idea. I have depression, OCD, health anxiety and general anxiety and I sometimes struggle to decipher between what I'm really feeling or what my poor mental health is tricking me to feel. I hope one way or another you feel clearer about things soon as I can relate to how unsettling that feeling is!