Hey all,
This is my first post but I wanted to hear your thoughts. Also grab a tea as it will be quite long and you will see why.
I first got with my OH around March 2017. After around 2 months we fell pregnant and I didnt realise till around 7 weeks or so. While I have always wanted to be a young mum and I earn an okay wage, my OH was inbetween jobs, as being a 20 year old boy he wanted to see the world and try different things. He"d always been a bit of a drifter while I have always worked since 16 so we both had different views on life and I think thats why we got on like a house on fire.
Anyway, my parents was accepting. Dad wanted me to carry on the pregnancy. Mum just warned me it will be hard (she had me at 18 and birth dad left). His parents however thought we were too young and not ready. So while I was looking at parenting blogs, I knew that my OH was not ready. So we terminated before the first trimester was over.
While we both was upset over this for quite some time, we grew a lot closer as a couple. To the point OH would ask me to marry him whenever he had one too many. And I could see him as the father of my child. We would work well.
Flash forward a year and problems started. Not so much arguments but more how you would imagine married people would be after 30 odd years. I guess the termination took toll. But also I think he went into relapse. Trying to find a job he liked so he could support a family, but quitting each one after a month or two as he didnt enjoy it. This lead to me telling him he needs to learn how to grow up and stick with a job long enough to make an impact bla bla bla.
While I still cared for him, romantic feelings started to fall. I guess because we wasnt cooking together, cuddling watching a show etc anymore and it all got too much.
I kept thinking of the termination "It would be born today" or "it would be three months old". A lot of my friends, family etc fell pregnant also at the time I terminated so it was quite hard. My cousins baby shower I broke down and had to leave. My other cousin lost hers 2 months after telling is, which made me upset all over again but I havent told many people about it.
Flash forward to now. OH and I have been on a 4 month break. We both tried to meet other people but couldnt connect. We were still friends and had the same friends group so saw each other a lot. After a while got back into a 'routine' and discussed getting back together. For a few weeks i battled between yes and no. He took me on a nice date and tho I enjoyed myself, i was really detached and said no to him asking me out.
Then a few days ago I woke up feeling sick, headache, over eating at work. About to eat something I enjoyed and felt ill again. I knew I was a little late so him and I went and grabbed a test after work
And well here we are
My main thoughts are am I ready - i know i will be fine. I have a lot of support
Is he ready - i dont know
Is it right to jump back in a relationship because of bb1?
Should I terminate - i feel if I do I will be detached from everyone forever. I got really depressed last time. But then it does give me time to maybe get a promo and get more money
How to tell my parents who thinks hes quite childish as hes not secure job wise?
Is my detachment while preggo going to make falling for my OH a lot harder?
If you can let me know your thoughts that will be great!
Thanks x