Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Family problems

13 replies

Susiebmoo · 14/08/2018 12:11

Hi all, I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant and unfortunately my family aren't happy for me and my partner. We inherited a house from my partner's family which is two hours away and we will be moving into it later this year. It means we can sell our flat and be mortgage free and have a chance for a fresh start somewhere new. My family thinks this is selfish of me as I won't be able to support them as much as they get older (my parents are in their late fifties). They've also said that they will not come and visit and that they don't think I can cope with a baby without them nearby. They've been unkind and unsupportive about the move and the baby and I'm struggling with what to do. I hate to upset them but I want to start a family and I think the move is a good opportunity for us. Any thoughts would be very much appreciated!

OP posts:
aetw · 14/08/2018 12:42

The move sounds like a very good opportunity for you and your new family. Your parents sound a bit toxic if I’m being honest. I’m so sorry to hear that you have had to deal with this. Your not selfish, it sounds like they have unrealistic expectations. Do people have children just so that they can be looked after in old age?
You will cope with your baby, because it already sounds like you have been coping with bucket loads from them!

Modestandatinybitsexy · 14/08/2018 13:28

Late fifties is not that old and 2 hours away isn't that far.

I live 40 mins from my parents and they're considering moving another hour away.

I think it's different here because it's your choice and not theirs but it wouldn't be unmanageable if you choose to keep seeing them.

GeorgieGirl66 · 14/08/2018 13:36

It sounds like its your family who are being selfish, not you. I'm so sorry they're being so unkind and unsupportive when you need them to be the opposite.

This is a great opportunity for you - to be mortgage free and have a nice home for when your baby is born. Your parents should be happy for you and they should be supporting your move. It's a shame they're not, but it is they who are acting selfishly and you have nothing to reproach yourself for.

If I were you, I would press on with the move and if your family/parents don't want to come and visit or help you when the baby arrives, then it is their loss - they're cutting off their nose to spite their face and really, it sounds like they're trying to emotionally blackmail you.

I hope things work out the way you want them to, but if it does come to it, I'm sure you will cope with your baby just fine on your own and you can definitely live without the stress and aggravation this must be bringing you. Good luck.

Reader1984 · 14/08/2018 14:33

You are doing what is right for you and your little family. It is a shame they cannot support you. They do not need looking after in their 50s. You are doing the right thing and I wish you happiness and luck in your new home.

Poptart4 · 14/08/2018 15:03

You have a chance to be mortgage free and have a fresh start somewhere new. You are absolutely doing the right thing.

I also think your parents sound toxic. Late 50's is not old. And even if they were in their 70's / 80's its not your job to care for them. You have your own life to live. Dont let anyone hold you back.

eyesontheprize57 · 14/08/2018 16:34

This sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you and your partner and it is sad that your family are being so selfish instead of supporting you. As everyone has said, you need to so what is right for you and being mortgage free sounds totally amazing!!
I wish you lots of happiness!

Sweetsongbird1 · 14/08/2018 16:38

50s are not old FFS! They are just trying to manipulate and control you.

You have an amazing oppertunity. Good luck

Havetothink · 14/08/2018 20:42

Who wouldn't want to be mortgage free.

Moussemoose · 14/08/2018 20:43

If they are late 50s and they want you to hang around waiting to support them when they get old - run.

Move, don't look back.

Merename · 14/08/2018 21:52

Like everyone has said, your parents are being very unreasonable. What a stress for you when pregnant, they should be aware of how they are making you feel and put you first. It does sound a great opportunity and 2hrs is not far at all! I would imagine the threat not to visit is likely just a threat anyway and once they see you've made your decision they will accept it. Try not to allow them to continue to guilt trip you.

Clarashan · 15/08/2018 02:25

Sounds like emotional blackmail to me and really not fair to try and put this on you when you're pregnant and already have so many extra things to worry about and hormones running riot! To live mortgage free is an amazing opportunity and the fact your parents aren't seeing that and are only concerned with themselves is sad. As everyone has said 2 hours is not that far and if they do choose not to visit, its only them who will be loosing out. I'm having issues with my parents in my pregnancy (different circumstances) but it seems the same in that they are trying to make this about them and how it will affect them. Don't let them. Let them cut their nose off to spite they're face, they'll realise in time (at least that's what I'm hoping). Good luck with the move and enjoy the freedom of no mortgage payments!!!!

Vampyress · 15/08/2018 06:13

Wow this is one of the most narcassistic things I have read in a long time OP, the bloody cheek of your parents is madness. The opportunity to become mortgage free at the same time as starting a family is such a blessing for you and your partner. The fact your parents believe they are justified to the level of support that they want from you after revoking their own at such a critical point in your life shows just how selfish they are, not you OP.

I think honey that you should pull back and focus on your precious cargo and the changes going on in your own little family and relish them whilst distancing yourself from any drama. You aren't going to be able to rationalise with your parents or make them happy and it will only cause heartache if you try. Once your gorgeous baby is born they will do either one of two things, fall hopelessly in love and forget their absurd threats, or hold true to their word and their next guilt trip will be how they never get to see their grandchild (even though it is through their own choice).

To put things in perspective, my 72 year old grandfather and his wife drove from Scotland to nearly the bottom of England to visit me and my kids after I gave birth to my ds 15 months ago because they knew I had little support outside of my DH and they wanted to make sure I knew I was loved. My grandmother climbed Ben Nevis on her husbands 70th birthday. My husbands mum is near her mid 70s and still works for the NHS 3 days a week...

My point is that other than unexpected health/illness complications, 50s is young and there is nothing at all for you to feel guilty about Flowers

Baby160P · 15/08/2018 06:37

It sounds like they're being selfish.

What an amazing thing to be mortgage free!

When the baby is here they'll change their mind and visit!

Just a thought, if you're relocating have you considered finding a NCT group near there? Could make you some common interest friends? Maybe explain you won't be alone.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread