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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To go back to work after baby?

16 replies

captainshortie · 13/08/2018 11:53

The thought is giving me such anxiety.

Has anyone worked and then not gone back?
I know id be better in the long run but i dont want to miss my baby growing up.
Its literally keeping me up at night.

OP posts:

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MarthaMe · 13/08/2018 12:18

I feel the same. I'm dreading even the thought of it. I know we couldn't afford for me to stay off so I'm just praying my work will let me go back part time!

iLoveSpaDays · 13/08/2018 12:22

I went back to work full time just over a month ago. It isn't as bad as it seems. My job keeps me busy so keeps my mind of it. I know DD who is 10 months old now, she loves going to nursery. So it's good for her when I go to work

ReginaPhalange89 · 13/08/2018 12:48

I had my second last march, I was due to go back in January this year but didn't . If I had gone back I'd only have gone part time, I think it's a lot working full time with a baby. I wouldn't want to miss all that time with them. I went back part time after my first daughter too.

The main reason I didn't go back this time was because the job I was in didn't really pay that well! So if I had gone back, the wages would literally have just covered childcare for both.

I think it is good to work a few days if you can (and it's worth it financially) . Even just for the sanity and adult chat ! I hear alot of people say that

myotherbagisgucci · 13/08/2018 12:55

I'm due back in 8 weeks, just after DD turns 9 months and I'm absolutely dreading it! Thankfully I'm only doing 2 days and DD is going to MIL's. My salary is equal to nursery costs, so no point in working just to pay someone to care for her, whilst I'd rather do it myself.

Are you going back FT or PT?

chuckiecheese · 13/08/2018 13:02

I did not return to work after my first child because I had a very stressful job, a husband who worked long hours and no family support.

I have since had a second child and have bot returned. My story is unusual in that I have not returned and my second child starts secondary in Sept. However it has worked for us as a family.

No decision is irreversible and I have managed to continue training while being a SAHP. I also have volunteered in a variety of settings. I have been offered several jobs since being a SAHP so will return to paid employment when my second child has settler in their school .

I have found that the situation changes and as long as you are happy and it works for you and your family no decision us 'right' or 'wrong'.

chuckiecheese · 13/08/2018 13:03

Apologies for typos I'm on my phone

InDubiousBattle · 13/08/2018 13:04

I have 2 dc and have been a SAHM for 4.5 years since d's was born. What kind of work do you do op?

Nquartz · 13/08/2018 13:12

I was ready to go back after a year but not 9 months. I only worked 22.5 hours (3 'normal' days) so still had 2 days of play groups etc. Best of both worlds for me.

When DD started school I changed to 4 days but 8-2 so I pick up every day & have 1 day to get my jobs done.

DD loved her childminder, thrived & made friends, loves breakfast club now so win win again for us.

I personally wouldn't want to be financially dependent on someone else in case it all goes tits up & im lucky my part time salary is decent. Could also increase to full time easily if necessary.

Is part time an option? Are you married? Usual advice applies re: pensions, bring unmarried, giving up independence etc

usernotfound0000 · 13/08/2018 13:12

It does feel like an impossible thought when they are new, I honestly thought I could never go back, but once DD became more mobile around 9 months, I could see that it would be nice to have a rest at work! Going back part time definitely helped though.

MonkeysMummy17 · 13/08/2018 13:15

I didn't go back after my first child, I didn't enjoy the job and the pay was equal to childcare costs so I didn't want to leave him for a job I didn't like for no extra money to come in each month.
Just had our second child and I've applied for a job in the area I trained in, if I get it I'll be very very excited and whilst I feel guilty at the prospect of putting the little one in nursery it would only be half days and I can build a career.
Had I been in the sector I trained for first time round, with the prospect of part time hours, I think I might have made a different choice so as not to ruin career progression prospects.
I definitely don't regret staying at home with my first, and had I not seen the job advertised that I have applied for I wouldn't have looked for work until the youngest is 18 months.

Pittcuecothecookbook · 13/08/2018 13:16

so no point in working just to pay someone to care for her, whilst I'd rather do it myself.

There can be a point to breaking even - you may continue to pay into a pension and you also avoid having big gaps in your CV too. Going back after 10 years can be extremely difficult and you may have a significantly reduced pension pot for future years.

WhirlingTurkey · 13/08/2018 13:16

I felt exactly the same as you describe, before my baby was born, OP. However after 12 months off I was ready for something different to being "mummy" all the time. I wanted adult company and a more mentally stimulating environment some of the time. I went back part time (three days) and it's a great balance.

My advice would be to just see how you feel, you don't have to decide all this up front, and your employer cannot ask about whether you intend to return after your maternity leave. You may not want to go back and, if that is affordable for you, that's as equally a valid option as returning to work. It is a very personal choice and how you feel now may (or may not) be different to how you feel in a few months.

Vampyress · 13/08/2018 13:48

I tore at my heart over returning to work with my youngest ds, what if he liked the girls more than me? What if he forgot me? What if I missed his first steps? My husband asked me if I wanted to stay at home but to become competent dependent on him didn't sit right after so many years working, I would miss the financial independence. Since I couldn't have my cake and eat it I returned to work 4 days a week.

The first 3 days I called the nursery twice a day to check on ds and they were so understanding. Turns out he caught every bloody illness going so I got alot of time with him those first couple of months he was there lol. I was so lucky in that two of the girls at the nursery fell head over heels with my ds and I felt so secure that he was loved, and all those fears melted away. He took his first steps for one of those girls and instead of resenting it I felt glad to share him. He squealed when I walked in and toddled over and I instantly went onto my knees and scooped him into a massive hug. Daddy did the same when we got home and ds toddled to him. I am on maternity leave with my next and last ds and those same 2 girls are coming to visit us as they miss both myself and my ds.

Only you know what is right for you mummy bear but incase you didn't know you can get tax free childcare via a gov uk account where the government will add 25% to any money you put in for childcare. My work didn't offer childcare vouchers and I had no idea the scheme existed so wanted to share incase it had any use for you if you do go back.

Like everything it has been an adjustment and it wasn't easy especially the guilt you feel when baby is sick, but the joy shone out of my sons face everytime I walked into that nursery, nobody can ever replace mummy or daddy xxxxx

chequeplease · 13/08/2018 14:02

It's so normal to feel like this!

I was desperately trying to budget and see if I could stay at home.
I went back to work 2 days when my DS was 1, and loved it (...the mum guilt in saying this is unreal) But I'm a better mother through having a break and doing something for me outside of the home.
(The money also helps with the bills etc!)

If you really hate it then could you look at handing your notice in eventually?

Original poster

captainshortie · 13/08/2018 17:20

Thank you all for your kind words, feel like all I do is moan on here!
Its not that I hate my job, quite the opposite, i just cant stand the thought of leaving baby with my DH while i work, or someone whos not family.
I keep being told "my jobs too important to give up" but I feel like im not being given a choice in the matter

OP posts:

Havetothink · 13/08/2018 18:24

I think it's healthy for young children to have time away from mum and socialise in nursery, and to know that mums do work. Part time has been a great balance for me. Why not try part time first and if your really want to be home give it up later. Much easier to do that than stop entirely and potentially have to job hunt later. Ultimately it's what's right for you and what you can afford to do though.

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