In-laws offering to come and stay over every week to help with childcare! Argh!

[Noodles14]

Bit of a rant and long post...
Ok so this may sound selfish to some or sound like I'm stressing unnecessarily but my in-laws announced last night that they would like to come and stay with us (they live 1.5hrs away) every week for two nights to help with childcare! My first thought was no way!!! So they are lovely people and we all get on but the thought of them coming to us every week for two nights fills me with dread! Just to clarify they are referring to when I go back to work to help with childcare. Again, I may be sounding selfish but these are some initial thoughts in my head...
so I'd have to be washing bedsheets and towels every week (normally we just leave clean sheets and towels in the spare bedroom for months on end as they only usually stay once very 2-3 months).
I'd have to be cooking dinner for them for the two nights they stay or my MIL would offer to cook but we don't eat the same sorts of food and I'm a control freak and like to cook myself...the thought of this stresses me out alone!
They would be there all throughout the evenings- this to me is just a general invasion of mine and my husbands lives (and of course child to be). I/hubby wants to be the one doing bedtime routines and I know she'll try and do it.
I know I may sound really selfish but I just don't want them staying every week! It's just seems way too much and it's stressing me out! I have absolutely no problem with them taking care of child in general, in fact I think the inclusion of grandparent in childcare is beneficial for both them and child but it's just the whole staying with us every week that freaks me out! It would make me feel uncomfortable in my own home. You know when you get home from work sometimes and just want some time to reflect and chill out and do your own thing with you, hubby and child...I just feel it would be a massive invasion of that time we have as a family.
Please can you tell me your views (be kind) or if anybody has experienced this and how it all worked out.
When she told us last night she looked so offended when I said 'ah well we'll have to talk about it later on down the line and see what works best' and her friend was there saying oh yes that would be marvellous! Argh!!!!

Just be totally upfront and say thanks, it’s a kind thought but that won’t work for us.

What is more important, temporarily offending them or having them to stay for what is effectively a quarter of your time... forevermore?

Oh no no no I couldn't cope with them staying every week. I think this is something your OH needs to deal with and say no to them.

Say thanks, but once a month for 1night would be perfect etc

Oh God, in-laws thinking that their gratification and entertainment through grandchildren trumps whatever the parents want to do. Your DH needs to deal with this, and say "Brilliant, but we would prefer one night a fortnight." He's not required to justify why two nights/week is too much, though I realise that in practice you do have to be reasonably emollient - I imagine there will come a time when you want their services for childcare. So work out what you're prepared to give, and look at it as a longer-term investment.

I couldn't do this either.

You need to be upfront sooner rather than later so that they don't spend more time thinking about how it would be a really great thing for them to do. Your DH should be the one to do this. "That's very kind but it doesn't work for us".

I doubt they have thought it through properly either - all the other stuff aside, if one of them becomes ill or finding it too much, you'd be stuck trying to sort out alternative childcare whilst already having gone back to work.

Thanks for your responses. It's making me feel better already that I'm clearly not being unreasonable and selfish!
I think once a fortnight for one night is a good compromise...

Perhaps they are trying to be really kind, having read about the absurd cost of childcare in the papers. But no, I couldn’t handle that either.
Agree with all Pps, say no thank you, politely but firmly.

It's lovely of them to offer, but you need to be very clear on what you want.
I'm going to be looking after my grandson soon, for one day a week. I will be going to their house early morning as it's going to be easier on my DD getting to work. I intend to do a bit of cleaning / washing whilst I'm there, depending on how much time I get😂
I will probably stay there when she gets home long enough to give them time to sort tea out etc, then leave them to it. I won't want to eat with them or bathe the baby unless they want me to!

That is so kind but it doesn't work for us. Leave it there. Don't keep talking.

My parents stayed one night per fortnight for a couple of years, and will be doing so again when DS2 is 1. It is manageable and worth it because DS1 loves them looking after him. But what you are talking about is much more intrusive. One of the things that makes our arrangement work is that they don't arrive until 10pm ish then leave the next day soon after the first of us gets home from work, so they aren't actually there at the same time as us very much.

You. Can. Say. No.

Absolutely no fucking way, for all the reasons you've said. It's just a massive intrusion on your lives, however well meant. I would just say no to any regular staying over for childcare. Maybe once every few months on an ad-hoc basis, but I wouldn't book anything in and be constrained by it.

It sounds like you just need to say no!

However, I think my dh would have said the same as you before he realised that my mum staying 2 nights per week will save us £2000 per month. He changed his mind!

How old are they? Lots of people drive 1.5 hours each way to work.

Mil stays with us one night a week as childcare, she comes at 8pm Sunday night, stays over - has ds all day Monday and leaves when we get home from work - saves us £45 a week in nursery fees.
HOWEVER - she only lives a 20 min drive away and only stays as its easier on her than having to be up at the crack of dawn to get ready and come over on the morning.
This for us works really well here.