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Original poster

Feeling guilty about not being able to breast feed

36 replies

ER1992 · 09/08/2018 21:03

Just here for a moan really... I'm not going to be able to breast feed when baby arrives due to being on epilepsy medication which can tranfer from me to baby so we will be formula feeding. Me and hubby have just got home from antenatel classes and tonights toppic was about feeding. However it should just be named breast feeding as they did not mention formula feeding at all and we are both now feeling guilty even though there is nothing we can do about our situation. The whole session was about the benefits of breast against formula. Obviously as most people do at least try and breast feed we expected most of the session to be about breast but also expected them to talk about formula to some extent. I probably should have put my hand up and asked them to talk about it a bit but I don't feel comfortable having to justify myself in a room full of people whom don't know. If anyone can make us feel a bit better your comments would be appreciated

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

annlee3817 · 09/08/2018 21:09

Please don't feel bad, you're doing what's best for your baby and you, and that's what is important. Your baby won't feel any less loved, I breastfed, but still agree that FED is best, whether that's boob or bottle, it's not a one size fits all scenario, lots of people have reasons why they can't or why they don't want to

Eeeeek2 · 09/08/2018 21:11

Unfortunately I believe that until very recently this was the nhs line which all midwives/health visitors had to take. Therefore until they get updated training/guides for antenatal classes this is what you'll get.

Fed is best. Under your circumstances formula is better for your baby, please don't give it anymore thought than that. I really wanted to breastfeed but couldn't manage. If you want to ask any formula questions I'll try and answer.

ellesbellesxxx · 09/08/2018 21:11

sorry you had to sit through that. Please don’t feel guilty though.. your baby is going to be loved so much that much shines through your post! They will be fed and you will be able to have lovely cuddles whilst you give them

ellesbellesxxx · 09/08/2018 21:12

.. their bottle. As will your other half!
Xxx

HoneyWheeler · 09/08/2018 21:12

Oh mate my heart goes out to you. At the end of the day you have to do what's right for you and your baby. Eg your baby needs to eat and you need to be well enough to take care of them! We live in a wonderful age when we have safe formula for babies to eat and thrive. We are so lucky, but there's so much emotional baggage around feeding babies that it's no wonder you feel the way you do!

Two things I'd suggest - 1) get in touch with the antenatal facilitator and tell them the situation. Even if they can't rectify it, they can change the language they use for the next class. I guarantee they will be grateful to hear from you

I mean you have probably already done this, but is it worth asking your doctor if there was any medication you could change to? My best mum friend has a chronic condition and assumed she couldn't breastfeed because of her meds but the consultant just changed it and that was that! I appreciate it might not be possible though, but I thought I'd say just in case!

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I hope you feel better about it soon!

BuggeringNora · 09/08/2018 21:14

Don't feel bad, as long as baby is loved and fed, nothing else matters. I wanted to breastfeed, but failed miserably at it, (had a c-section, milk didn't come in for 10 days, DD was used to bottle by then. Tried to feed and she didn't want to know, plus the pain at the milk letting down was like being stabbed). DD is now 9, healthy as a horse and rarely even gets a cold. She's also exceptionally bright! Honestly, once they're older no one gives a shit how they were fed as babies. Don't let it get you down.

NoNoCharlieRascal · 09/08/2018 21:15

Your baby isn't going to give a stuff where it's milk is coming from. It's going to just love being held and fed by you. All cuddled up, safe and warm smelling it's mummy, listening to your voice and feeling loved. Try not to let it get you down. You're literally doing what is best for both baby and yourself.

Pixie2015 · 09/08/2018 21:18

Don’t feel guilty just look forward to all the cuddles x

Nutkins24 · 09/08/2018 21:18

Sorry if this is a really stupid question, but If your drugs aren’t safe for breastfeeding how are they safe for pregnancy?

justcontemplatingsomething · 09/08/2018 21:20

I struggled with breastfeeding for 8 weeks with my first child, i only kept going because I felt guilty for stopping but I should really have given up a lot earlier. She never got enough from me, tried to feed literally all day and all night and still was so unhappy. I eventually snapped and started with formula and she was so so much happier, and when I got over the guilt, so was I. Obviously you've no idea if it would have gone well for you or not, but it's relatively common for it not to work out for one reason or another and I completely understand the guilt. Just get the guilt out of the way now and then enjoy your lovely new baby.

MamaLupine · 09/08/2018 21:20

I'm an ex-midwife OP. Unfortunately midwives are expected to encourage breastfeeding and we were not allowed to discuss formula feeding with a group of parents, only on a one-to-one basis. I doubt that this has changed whilst managers are worrying about their breastfeeding statistics. 99.9% of midwives in my experience don't give a bugger how you feed YOUR baby. We can give you the information to make an informed decision but that's it. In your case, there is no decision to make. You are doing the right thing for YOUR baby and it's sad that this was not acknowledged at these classes. I know it's easy for me to say, but take no notice. Your baby will be fed, loved and cared for. That's it. That's all it needs for now. Best wishes x

Iwantaunicorn · 09/08/2018 21:21

I felt guilty at not bf too (my milk never came in properly). I think once you’re out of the new baby stage, nobody gives a shiny shit how you feed them, as long as they get fed!

Original poster

ER1992 · 09/08/2018 21:23

Thank you everyone. Hearing your stories helps a lot. I just need to keep telling myself that we are doing what is best for our baby and also my own health and he or she will be loved no matter what. I could if I really wanted to try and change my medication but having been on it for almost 10 years and been seizure free it would be to risky to try and change if something else doesn't suit me and I would also have to give up driving for a year until the GP knows I'm stable. I'm going to speak to the midwife next time I see her about how we felt after the session incase she can pass on any information to them and we do get a questionnaire at the end of the 4 week programme to fill in so I will add a comment to that about how they could discuss formula feeding for people who can't or don't want to breast feed

OP posts:

Lalaisloopsy · 09/08/2018 21:25

I didn't even try to feed my first and tried for 10 days with the second before giving up because it wasn't working and i found it stressful. Both my kids are healthy lively children in 6.5 years between the 2 of them we have had 1 emergency gp app only time either of them have been ill. They both are tall and average weight no health conditions.

Yes there are benefits to bf but there are millions of healthy happy ff babies don't feel bad in your case ff is the best choice for your baby.

Original poster

ER1992 · 09/08/2018 21:27

Nutkins24 the medication I'm on is the safest epileptic medication to be on during pregnancy and I'm having to take a high dose of 5mg folic acid plus having a very closely monitored pregnancy. My baby is growing just fine and is healthy. Once he or she is born the GPs just have to monitor the baby for withdrawal symptoms of the drug

OP posts:

KatnissMellark · 09/08/2018 21:27

Honestly love, who cares... The fact you're bothered about doing the best for your child means you'll be a fab mum. And the best for your baby, in your circumstances is formula. Everyone is different and honestly the differences are marginal and possibly overstated. Breastfeeding is fantastically convenient at times but can be a massive pain in the arse...for me it's neither here nor there. Do what's right for you. Enjoy the snuggles

kirinm · 09/08/2018 21:29

I'm epileptic and I was speaking to my midwife today and she said there are no risks associated with breastfeeding (I'm on keppra and lamotrigene). What medication are you taking? Have you spoken to a neurologist?

ladymildred · 09/08/2018 21:30

I am on lamotrigine for epilepsy and have breastfed two babies whilst on it without any problems. I was told by the consultant that some does pass through the milk but it's not significant. Maybe it depends what drug you are on? Tiredness is a trigger so I've actually been advised to express or give formula for a night feed which DH can give while I get a bit extra sleep. If that's also your trigger, formula feeding will help you get the rest you need as your partner will be able to help out.

kirinm · 09/08/2018 21:31

@ladymildred I'm the same as you except I also take keppra.

If this information has come from your GP I would frankly ignore it and ask to speak to a specialist.

Nutkins24 · 09/08/2018 21:33

@ER1992 just wondered as I know a woman who was told she can’t feed on her medication and actually it wasn’t the case. Generally if a drug is safe for pregnancy it’s safe for breastfeeding. As kirinm said if it’s something that’s really worrying you it might be worth seeking expert advice if you haven’t done so already.

Foodylicious · 09/08/2018 21:35

Hi, that's sounds really tough.
Obviously it will depend on what medication you take, but it's not out of the question that you could breastfeed (if you want to)
There might be some useful info here and from the breastfeeding network (link in post)

www.epilepsysociety.org.uk/breastfeeding-and-epilepsy#.W2ykkp_TU0M

kirinm · 09/08/2018 21:37

I should say, it's perfectly acceptable to FF if you want to. I only suggest seeking the advice of a specialist if you want to breastfeed. I plan to try and express and / or formula to try and ensure my DP can help with feeding so I can sleep as sleep deprivation is a major trigger for me.

Are you being monitored during pregnancy? Certain medication (lamotrigine particularly) tends to stop working as well in the third trimester so I've had my levels monitored and meds increased twice. I'm nearly 37 weeks and my levels have stabilised now but the hospital are also going to monitor me post natally as my levels will increase quickly once baby is here.

Original poster

ER1992 · 09/08/2018 21:39

I'm also on keppra but both my GP and consultant adviced to not breast feed due to it being passed to baby etc. I'm due to see consultant again at the end of the month so will mention it again as seems odd they've said that but you've been able to

OP posts:

lambdroid · 09/08/2018 21:39

Out of my circle of 7 friends who all had babies at the same time and who all tried breastfeeding, 3 could and 4 couldn’t.

There are so many reasons why breastfeeding can fail- tongue ties, jaundice, breast size, poor weight gain etc. Medication is just another of those frustrating things that is out of your control.

Having foreknowledge of your situation at least means that you can be totally prepared when your baby arrives. You’re formula feeding so you can plan, research bottle techniques, different teat types and so on. Perhaps taking control of it (in whatever way) might make you feel better?

kirinm · 09/08/2018 21:42

Hmmm that is odd. Is your consultant a neurologist or obstetrician? My obstetrician didn't know pethidine isn't recommended for epileptics which concerned me but I guess they can't be experts in everything. I'm worried now. Maybe I'll have to get it checked

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