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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Sad and confused

12 replies

Lonelybride · 06/08/2018 18:05

Hey everyone, i’m new here and just needed somewhere to talk. About 8 years ago I fell pregnant to a guy who was horrible and forced me into having an abortion. It hurt me emotionally for a long time, one of those things most people will never forget. It was for the best though and I went on to me an amazing man who is everything I could have ever wanted and who would do anything for me, he is my best friend. We are getting married in 4 weeks and as I have PCOS syndrome, we haven’t been careful. I was told I would have a hard time conceiving, we just didn’t think it would happen. Anyways, I found out yesterday that I am pregnant and I am devastated. I honestly thought the next time I would be pregnant it would be a happy occasion and I would be overjoyed by I feel as though I have really messed up. My fiancé is there 150%, he said he will support me no matter what. I just don’t feel ready, we have so much still to do before a baby but it doesn’t make me feel any less guilty. I’ve decided on a termination, something I swore I would never do again but the time just isn’t right. We have a house that needs decorated, I have a few small debts I want to pay off and we have a honeymoon to look forward to next year. I feel so selfish and so disgusted at myself for being so irresponsible but cons Of having a baby now, outweigh the pros. I suppose I just needed to seek some perspective, some support because I don’t want to tell anyone I know. My dad has cancer and my mum has enough on her plate. Sorry for the length but I just feel so sad but also know it’s for the best right now

OP posts:
Stephisaur · 06/08/2018 19:39

I don’t have any advice to offer you, just wanted to say that only you know what is best for you Flowers

I’m very sorry you’re having to make such a difficult decision x

Original poster
Lonelybride · 06/08/2018 19:52

Thanks so much, this means more to me than you'll know Flowers

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 06/08/2018 19:57

Sorry you have this decision to make. Do remember however that there is rarely an ideal perfect time to become a mother. You dont say how old you are but I am sure you are well aware that the older you get and with pcos, it may not be so easy to fall pregnant when you want to.

Studyinghell · 06/08/2018 19:59

Do you think you’ll feel less guilt this time because it’s your choice and you’re not being forced into it?not being twatty, a genuine question. The guilt has never changed for me regardless of the circumstances

Nothisispatrick · 06/08/2018 20:05

As RaininSummer said, with PCOS you may find it hard to conceive again or as you get older.

The decision is COMPLETELY yours, however if you are asking for advice I would say all the other things on your list are no comparison to having a baby. You still have time to decorate, a honeymoon is really not that important (sorry but it's really not) and you could have small debts at any stage in your life. In your situation I would keep the baby. That is what I would do obviously, not what you have to do.

CobaltRose · 06/08/2018 20:10

I am very pro-choice, and if you truly want an abortion you should have one. However, the reasons you've given don't seem like totally impenetrable barriers to having a baby.

There is rarely a PERFECT time to have a baby. There's always something to do, something to pay off, a financial pressure, etc... Nobody is ever fully prepared.

Plus, with your PCOS it may be hard to conceive again. I would just caution you to think very very carefully.

jellybeanpaws · 06/08/2018 20:24

There definitely is never a perfect time to fall pregnant.

I fell pregnant a week after I left a (successful) 6 month stint in Rehab. I was sober but had no job, no money, no car.

But I took it on the chin and realised that maybe this was a sign. I got a job, car, fixed up the spare room in my boyfriends house...I made it work.

2 years down the line we are now happily married, living in a new family home with our second child soon to arrive in a few months.

I you want a baby, you can make it work.

Elllicam · 06/08/2018 20:30

I agree with the previous posters that while it is your decision you might then struggle to conceive again with PCOS. How would you feel later if you couldn’t conceive? The difficulties you have mentioned, honeymoon, decorating are all things that could be coped with. There is often (or there has been for me) a few days of panic after you find out you’re pregnant. It’s an unsettling time. I’m really sorry if this wasn’t what you wanted to hear and I hope whichever choice you make you are happy.

confusedmomm · 06/08/2018 20:38

As RaininSummer said, with PCOS you may find it hard to conceive again or as you get older.

The decision is COMPLETELY yours, however if you are asking for advice I would say all the other things on your list are no comparison to having a baby. You still have time to decorate, a honeymoon is really not that important (sorry but it's really not) and you could have small debts at any stage in your life. In your situation I would keep the baby. That is what I would do obviously, not what you have to do.

^^ this

Megglou · 06/08/2018 20:55

All your con reasons are good reasons for thinking this can't be done, but when you have a baby nothing else matters. I moved into a house 2 weeks before I gave birth, here I am 4 months later some rooms with no doors stuff half done everywhere and a credit card bill the size of Mount Everest due to the renovations. I can sympathise with you as I had a termination when I was young. For me there was no choice as soon as I found out I knew what I was to do and I never had a doubt, but I still think about it everyday even though I 100% believe it was the right thing to do. Then the right time came along when I was lucky enough to plan my baby with a man I adore and no obstacle would change my feelings on that decision. If you are 100% sure on this decision I wish you all the luck and best for the future Thanks

Honeybee79 · 06/08/2018 21:09

Sorry you are facing this. I don't know how many weeks you are but just make sure you take some time to explore all of the issues and feelings.

There is no right time to have a baby. I recently found myself pregnant unexpectedly with DC3, so I understand the shock and conflicting emotions.

Obviously, your body and your decision. However, I would say that if you wanted to have a baby, albeit just a little further down the line, then... Timing may not be ideal, but you're with the right partner and practical stuff like honeymoons and decorating can wait/be figured out!

beccii161016 · 06/08/2018 21:19

If you truly believe an abortion is the right thing for you then that is completely your decision. It is your body and baby after all!

I will say though that when I got pregnant, it couldn't have been worse timing. I was 21, unemployed after dropping out of uni (due to start my new job when 6 weeks gone), living in a 1 bed flat that we knew wouldn't be big enough and we'd have to move from.

I stressed so much to my nan and she turned and said to me: "if everyone had to wait for the perfect time to have a baby, no one would ever have one".

I find those words to be incredibly true and luckily things have worked out for us and we have an amazing DS. We're far from perfect, we have small debts and just about manage some months with bills but we wouldn't have it any other way Smile

Whatever decision you make is the right one as long as it is right for YOU. Thanks

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