Already struggling with work

[Charlotte1x]

Hi everyone. At the risk of sounding completely pathetic, I am only 6+3 weeks and already struggling at work.

I work in an office in the public sector and it has been very, very busy for months. We are several staff down, no staff have been replaced and two are currently off sick with stress. I work flexi time but at the minute we’re working around 10 hour days due to how busy it is (we all have our own caseload, if the work doesn’t get done it doesn’t go elsewhere!). Symptom wise I was fine up until this time last week when the horrendous nausea, tiredness and acid reflux began.

I told my boss about the pregnancy in case I was poorly. Unfortunately she isn’t very sympathetic and earlier ignored the fact I was retching into the bin under my desk (toilets are miles away). Today she has told me we will be getting a new full time member of staff, but I am to train and mentor that person without reducing any of my other workload. I told her I would give it a go but asked if I could split the training with another member of staff, to which she said no because the others are too incompetent. But surely that’s not my problem?

I have a four hour meeting tomorrow. I asked my boss if I could take any food in with me as the only thing that keeps the nausea away is nibbling all day (we are allowed to eat at our desks) but she told me that we can’t take food in and there won’t be a break. I told her I would need to take a quick one but she walked away from me.

I know I sound like I’m just having a good old moan but already at week 6 I’m struggling with 10 hour days and I’m finding that I’m very very stressed and tearful by the time I get home. Im scared about how the next few weeks are going to go.

Is anyone going through a similar thing? How do I approach this?

If your boss won't listen to you go over her head or speak to hr, you're entitled to reasonable breaks when pregnant. Nor can she stop you visiting the ladies when necessary. Take sweets into the meeting or suggest taking snack food for everyone in, 4 hours is a long meeting. If all else fails you can self certify sick for a week to at least get a break. The first trimester is rough and you've got weeks left yet. Has your boss informed hr and done a risk assessment?

You don’t sound pathetic. Even without an unsympathetic boss, the first trimester can be touch. I didn’t have sickness as bad as some but I have felt exhausted and nauseous for most of 1sr tri. I’m 12+1 now and it’s getting a bit easier but I have definitely definitely had days where I am not as productive as I used to be as I’m tired, distracted or not feeling well.

Add to that your boss is being unreasonable. I haven’t told mine yet but if I did I wouldn’t expect the treatment you are getting.

The first trimester is so hard.

I had severe nausea with my first and HG with my second, I would have vomited if I couldn't eat for four hours. I teach and could not have coped without adjustments made by my thankfully understanding boss.

Could you request a meeting with your boss and explain further?

Have you formally told work via email with HR copied in? Your manager is not taking reasonable measures to adjust which HR would definitely not be happy with especially in the public sector (I'm also in it).
A 4 hour meeting without breaks is ridiculous every one has breaks!
Your manager also should have conducted a health and safety assessment with you which should highlight areas such as regular breaks etc.
If your manager doesn't respond then go to HR!

Thanks very much for your comments. No HR haven’t been informed and no risk assessment - my manager gave me the impression it was too early for anything like that? This is my first pregnancy so wasn’t sure what I’m meant to do. I just feel like she’s suddenly giving me more responsibilities now she knows I’m pregnant. Attending meetings with her isn’t something I would usually do, and I trained the last person which took up a lot of my time as she basically told me to come up with my own training plan for the new colleague and I was informed by her I wouldn’t have to do it again, but here we are! Doing it again as of next week. I am very hormonal and emotional and for the last week I’ve cried every day coming home from work.

Ask for a pregnancy risk assessment to be done. And speak to hr. the assessment will allow you to identify adjustments which you feel are needed for the pregnancy, like being able to eat.

That's ridiculous- your boss is not only a knob but is breaching all sorts of things now she has been notified that you are pregnant. Pregnant women are well protected in the workplace in the UK. I would speak to HR urgently and explain what your boss has said/done/refused. She will be sorted out! Seriously don't stand for that... she's being ridiculous regardless of you being pregnant.

I think people (managers) sometimes assume that because you're not big yet pregnancy doesn't have as much affect on you and they don't need to make allowances (especially if they've never been pregnant). My manager did not inform hr straight away when I informed her however was much more reasonable so I didn't worry about it. I'm your circumstances I would certainly insist that they get involved.

Yes I agree... and in my experience (currently 31 weeks) the first trimester is the most awful bit (obviously apart from the last few weeks which I have yet to experience!). I felt like I was dying at 7 weeks but feel great at 31!

Hi @Charlotte1x , just want to say I totally get what you're going through. I'm 6+4 and really struggling. This morning I was sick at work multiple times in the space of 2 hours, crying my eyes out because I was so exhausted. I ended up going home, falling asleep for 5 hours and I've only now just managed to stomach a bit of dinner. I also took 4 days off last week because I couldn't cope.

I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow and see what they say. I can only recommend you do the same.

In terms of your work I'm not really sure what to suggest as I'm riding this wave too. But I just wanted you to know you are not alone and you are not whinging or moaning. When I called the doctor earlier the receptionist told me that only people experiencing it will be able to vouch for how awful it is and don't think 'normal' is the people who had an easy pregnancy as there is no 'normal'!!!!

Xx

@Charlotte1x you have to wait for your maternity certificate usually at 20 weeks before notifying HR of maternity leave but that is different from notifying of pregnancy and requesting a pregnancy risk assessment. In your case I would definitely send an email to your manager with HR copied in requesting the assessment.

Get hold of your maternity policy which usually has a time line in not sure which public sector but I'm a civil servant and ours definately states to inform as soon as your comfortable in order for the risk assessment.

Thanks very much everyone from all your advice, I’m going to email HR and ask for a risk assessment x

You do not sound pathetic. The first trimester can be really debilitating (as can the others). Emailing HR is definitely the right course of action. Perhaps something along the lines of....

"I am writing to formally confirm that I am pregnant. I have already informed my manager (cc'd) but wanted to confirm to HR in case you have any separate processes. I am also currently suffering from severe sickness and fatigue and wanted to make you aware as I am finding that I currently need to take regular breaks to deal with this and wanted to make sure this is ok."

I'm not 100% on the last sentence. You don't want to aggravate your boss and I wonder if she'll take it as a dig.

My suspicion (and I could be wrong) is that based on what you have said, your manager is adopting a bit of a "I'll show you" approach. A bit like she thinks you are/you're going to "try it on" and be all pathetic and pregnant and is trying to not give you the space to do that by overloading you with stuff.

In terms of the new starter, given that she previously said you wouldn't have to train again, you could email her saying that you have concerns. That she previously said you wouldn't have to do this again and that you are concerned that this is becoming a regular occurrence and you would like to clarify if this is now part of your role? I know she has said that you won't loose any of your other workload to accommodate the training, but you can't pluck more time out of thin air. So you could address that too, by simply asking her to prioritise your other tasks because you won't have time to do it all as you're already at capacity.

I went through similar when I was pregnant. Manager suddenly very demanding and nit picked at everything. Also put unreasonable expectations on me and then I found out (before she could do anything) that she was planning on going down the performance manager route (this is after I'd recently won an award for excellent performance - which she didn't know about as she was new). So I went down the route of putting everything in writing and asking her to confirm things in writing so that I had a paper trail and evidence of conversations. You might find that this is the best approach for you if she's going to make your life difficult.

My line manager has also been shit.

They tried to send me to do a dangerous job and when I refused replied telling me to go immediately. I said fine but I first needed occupational health or my midwife to sanction it. They backed down as they realised not a cat in hell’s chance of that happening!

My line manager also refused to do my risk assessment for six weeks despite several strongly worded reminders from HR. I’ve now been told me to do it myself!

It’s not pleasant but you need to push back and keep an email trail.

You do NOT sound pathetic!! First trimester is FLIPPING hard. Exhaustion, vomiting, nausea etc etc etc.

I'm being induced on Saturday... Can absolutely say that the hardest part of pregnancy for me as the first trimester. By a million miles.

Good luck, be kind to yourself :-)