Worrying at 12 weeks with 10 days til first scan

[AliceRR]

Why did I just read someone’s post about discovering MMC at 12 weeks after they had seemingly normal pregnancy symptoms?! 🤦‍♀️

I am already worrying and been impatient about it today.

12 weeks should be a milestone but I feel I can’t legitimately get excited until I have had my scan and know everything is ok!

I’ve has no real issues but MMC has been my fear. I believe it’s rare (1% of pregnancies?) but it doesn’t seem like it from all the ladies who seem to have experienced it.

I am probably overthinking...

You can drive yourself mad worrying, and it doesn't stop after your 12-week scan. There will always be something to worry about from now on!

The reality is that if there's something wrong then there's nothing you or anyone else can do. The vast majority of people have normal pregnancies and give birth to healthy babies. You will see more stories weighted the other way here because people tend to seek out support when things have gone wrong instead of posting to say everything has gone fine.

When I accepted it's out of my hands, the more relaxed I became. Obviously I'm still anxious something could go wrong but there's no reason to believe it will and worrying about it won't change the outcome - it'll just make the time that it is going well less enjoyable.

I actually wrote a long comment on that post about how i understood why she'd wanted to write it but I was worried about the impact on other women reading it and worrying, because I know I would have done at that stage of pregnancy. I didn't press send because I didn't want it to feel like I was being critical of her when she was clearly going through such a hard time.

There's been studies that suggest that women with sickness are as much as 50% less likely to miscarry than those who don't so the advice that sickness should be a comfort to you isn't entirely misguided but of course things can go wrong for anyone.

Please take comfort that the majority of pregnancies are successful, and that a missed miscarriage is rare.

I found that I was searching that much in my early pregnancies I felt overwhelmed by all these stories of missed miscarriages and therefore thought they must be fairly common but they're really not. We're far more likely to write about our bad experiences than our good ones and that's why when you're searching you find a disproportionate amount of sad stories.

You are over thinking and the overwhelming likelihood is that everything will be well, but I think it's a rare pregnant woman who doesn't over think and end up worrying. I cried sat waiting for my scan I was just so anxious.

Good luck with your scan I'm sure everything will be lovely, easier said than done but try not to worry too much!

@celebelly I know you are right and it’s that thought which keeps me going a bit - if anything were wrong the outcome will be the same whether I am scanned tomorrow or next week!

@emma765 I did something similar. I typed a reply similar to what I wrote above but deleted it as I didn’t want to sound negative or make “all about me” as she was obviously experiencing something very difficult and has a right to express it as well and seem support. Thanks for the reassuring words.

I hope it wasn’t my thread that made you worry OP.

The majority of pregnancies will progress perfectly. If you’ve been had no reason to worry then the odds will be on your side.

I saw the Tommy’s campaign a celebrity posted on social media about miscarriage days before my scan and it made me so angry that this was being thrust in my face because it made me worry.

Now I appreciate that people do share their stories and experiences, but I also get that it’s overwhelming to see.

Once you’re past that stepping stone, that I think almost every woman will worry about before the 12 week mark, these stories will have less of an effect on you but may give another woman a feeling of not being alone. (Don’t want that to sound harsh, if it does, just a reasoning that these things have a place )

Just remember that, whilst some people find solace in that MCs are more common than we ^^think, there are still 75% that are successful. They’re pretty good odds. Wishing you well for your scan!

@hotdamndiggity I am worrying anyway. I have worried all along, have been looking forward to that 12 week point and first scan. I haven’t had any reason to think there is a problem but once I read about MMC this is a huge fear I have, just because it can seem everything is ok and it might not be!

I’m so sorry you have experienced this as it is heartbreaking.

You don’t sound harsh as I was not and am not suggesting you should not post about your experiences. You should absolutely share your experiences and you have a right to that and to seek support as much as anyone.

I read it as another indicator that MMC seems to happen a lot, although I believe it isn’t. I am 12 weeks now so my fear is MMC as well as the risk of some kind of defect but mainly MMC.

Hopefully I will get some food news next week and need to sit tight til then...

@AliceRR we women aren’t half blessed. We end up going through nerve-wracking things and have hormones thrown into the mix that make things 100x worse.

It’s the most natural thing to worry, and it’s one of those things that, until you know everything is fine, there’s nothing anyone can say that will make it better. I think it must be a welcome to parenthood, you’ll never stop worrying about your little bean, even when they’re old.

I’m the sort of person that worries that because I didn’t worry too much, that if I’d have worried more, everything would have gone better. Crazy!

But, like someone said earlier, these forums rarely attract people who are carefree and having a great time during pregnancy, there would be no need to seek solace from others if we were all that lucky. It’s bloody hard in these places not to come across something that will make you stir crazy.

The best way I can think about what we go through at the time is that once you, and myself, have that precious one in our arms, these things will be a distant memory. We’ll probably be worrying about how to get poopsplosions out of clothes or something instead 😉.

I feel exactly the same and this is my second pregnancy im 10 weeks and it’s true you’ll then worry about the 20 week scan wanting everything to be ok, then you’ll worry about movements, it’s perfectly normal. If you ask me all this worrying just shows how much you’re ready to be a mum because us mums we worry.

I'm there @Sunshine275!

Had a bleed at six weeks and scan didn't show heartbeat, so had an awful week worrying until scan at 7 weeks showed all OK. Then worried until 12 week scan. Then worried until 20 week scan. Now 23 weeks and worrying about kicks. I've been assured that the crippling worry doesn't end at birth either, or their 18th, 21st, 30th, 40th birthday! We've just got to resign ourselves to it.

All very wise words and very true. Thank you.

I am a worrier and a friend said something similar. She has two young children and told me you will always worry! She said she regularly checks on the children to check they are still breathing etc.

And MIL told me they didn’t have scans at all. I mean I would have known that had I thought about it but it just hadn’t occurred to me and it made me think that we almost take it for granted that we will have scans and many of us pay to have early scans. They just had to wait and see what happened but then that would have been normal to them...