The difference between raising a girl or boy?

[allbraided]

Was having a discussion with my colleagues and they were all telling me how different it is raising a girl compared to a boy. Some had young children and some had much older children (older than me). I'm 27 weeks and whilst I've thought about it, I'm not really too fussed about the sex. DP has a girl already do is secretly desperate for a boy (I can tell, he tries to hide it but the way he looks at boy-specific baby clothes is very sweet!). Most important thing to both of us however is that baby is healthy...

So just out of interest... how different it is raising a boy compared to a girl? Did you find one easier than the other? I understand that all children are different regardless of sex, but there must be some inherent differences.. I come from a very female dominated family and worry I wouldn't relate as well to a boy, but also worry that a girl would go through the same worries and turmoil regarding body image and popularity that I did as an anxious child...

Thoughts?

You're raising a person.

I have two sons and they were both totally different in terms of personality and behaviour, so they responded differently to how we parented them.

I think personalities and a lot of a early child development really doesn't make any difference whichever you have. You'll be throwing birthday parties, giving hugs, reading stories, playing games with them whatever. They might be strong willed, passive, inquisitive, quiet, fearless etc either way round.

But they will live with very different social expectations on them and how much you buy into that is your own choice to a point but also theirs as they get older.

I also think puberty is very different for boys and girls and parenting a boy and girl at that stage would be incredibly different.

I'll probably get flamed for saying this on here. I think generally boys are much harder to look after before they are teenagers. They seem to me to be more wild, boisterous and rude. That's not to say that girls can't be challenging too but I think society encourages this unruly behaviour in boys in a way that they don't with girls.

I just re-read your last bit about worrying you wont relate to your boy. I am sure you will, he will be a little bundle of cuteness and even if he is stereotypically everything boyish you will suddenly develop a passion for tractors, trains and so on as you will feed off his interest and excitement about them.

@BIWI of course, we are all different, I was just curious to know if anyone had noticed any differences or varying difficulties when raising girls/boys.

Girls have periods to contend with, and are much more likely to suffer with body issues due to social media (though of course boys can suffer too). There's also a lot more pressure in my eyes on boys to be the best at everything, to succeed, to be 'daddy's little trooper' as opposed to 'mummy's little princess' - which I see could have an effect on both girls, and boys. Just my take on things, I could be way off the mark!

Thanks @grasspigeons - To be honest the whole prospect of parenting terrifies me. We planned for so long for this baby and are both so excited, but it's suddenly become quite overwhelming. Maybe because I know I only have 3 months left...

Boys have body image and popularity issues as well. I've seen the former clearly in my nephews but I didn't realise the latter until I talked to male friends.

Boys can have body image issues too. My son did / does. He was incredibly insecure and was badly bullied and getting him to talk was hard. He was a relatively easy teenager - I know I was a badly behaved teenager. I'm having a girl this time and have no idea whether it'll feel different.

@BlueBug45 of course, and I did address this in my initial post. All research shows that girls are far more likely to have severe body image issues. I had an eating disorder when I was 12-18, I can't imagine what I would've been like considering how prevalent air brushing and plastic surgery in a quest for perfection is now. Of course it has an impact on boys too, I only have to look around in the gym to notice the extremes many men go to to be 'huge'.

As pervious poster has said, You're raising a person. I have two boys, they have very different personalities. One is strong willed but chilled, the other is busy all the time and never seems to get tired! However my mum had two girls and she always says how much harder my boys are (busy all the time, climbing, play fighting, rough, loud etc) but that's not to say a girl wouldn't be the same. I think a lot comes down to personality. I wouldn't worry, you'll learn as you go along and respond to their likes/dislikes/personalities.

i find my relationship with my son easier - not sure if that's because it's a less "loaded" relationship (my relationship with my dad is fine but not particularly close whereas with my mum it's close but also slightly too intense) or if it's because he's younger and there's a big gap so I was much calmer second time round.

neither of my two have conformed to gender stereotypes - DD is an adrenaline junkie; DS is sensitive/hesitant. e.g. DD went on PGL holidays, DS did a musical theatre camp this summer. DD wanted to wear trousers when she started school; DS was more focused on hair clasps and bangles...

at the same time they also have loads in common with each other - much of it from being raised by the same parents. so my DH loves superhero/comic book stuff and both kids are avid followers of all the marvel films/tv shows. i don't think you can predict how any child will behave based just on their sex.

I have two sons and a daughter.
They are all raised the same in that they’re all taken out for a run around, fresh air and to interesting places and all needed it and love it. They all have time at home to play and do some arts and crafts. They have had the same bedtime routines and same expectations of behaviour and manners.
There is no difference due to whether they are a boy or a girl.
They are all different however and they have different needs so dh and I do parent them slightly differently.

My dd is 5 and a lot of people have warned me that girls have more ‘drama’ with their friendships at school than boys. I don’t know if that will be true for dd but my boys certainly were quite relaxed about friendships and if there was a falling out, things were fine again within a day or two.
I’m sure as teenagers, there will be things we’ll have to deal with which is down to their sex.

I think that if you’re happy to go along with the stereotypes there’s not much difference. If you want to bring up boys who don’t buy into misogynist/patriarchal bullshit then it’s much harder. The pressures society puts on them to conform is immense.

@BertrandRussell one of my concerns is that DP and I do not want to conform to stereotypes. If our child naturally happens to like some things that are stereotypically girly/boyish then absolutely fine, we just don't want to enforce anything. I think I'm just scared I'm going to do something wrong or be a useless parent. Feeling very anxious...

I have a 5 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. So far they haven't really been any different - they both play with a range of toys, enjoy running and playing outside (and both need it) and have had equal amount of tantrums and shitty sleep over the years.
Apart from personality differences I can't identify major differences yet. Of course this may change with the onset of hormones in a few years...

The only difference worth complaining about is changing a boy's nappy comes with a free shower.

In my limited experience (I have one of each), boys have an easier time with friendships, possibly more boisterous with play when little and harder to motivate to read. In all other ways they are the same. Both just as loving, just as emotional, play with the same things, as creative as each other, as good at school. I think having one of each can be an advantage because they are so easy with each other, friends with each other's friends and so appreciate the opposite gender.

That never once happened to me AprilShowers, although I have heard other people say that.

I have one of each (which apparently is like the ultimate goal according to some!) and I am finding my daughter 'trickier' to deal with in terms of boisterousness, tantrums, behaviour etc.

I think most of it is personality and a lot of the rest of it is about how society treats them from birth (or before in some cases!)

There is evidence about testosterone level in boys (at around 5 I think?) but that doesn't come until they are older and I think a lot of the socialisation is done by then.

We have 4 kids. 3 boys and a girl. 1 of the boys and the girl are by far the hardest. Entirely down to their personalities. two of the boys pretty easy going. The other two are endlessly full of energy.
I do believe people expect girls behave better and boys worse. And thus they get away with it. 'Boys will boys' bollocks.

Another thing to be careful of is the “oh, they are all different- nothing to do with their sex” line. If that was true, there would be no “toxic masculinity”. (In inverted commas because I don’t particularly like the expression, but it’s a useful shorthand).

The way we bring up boys is something we need to be openly thinking and talking about- because it obvious we’re doing something wrong. And by “we” I mean parents, families and society, not mothers!

I wondered this when i was pregnant. I have an almost 6 year old DD & a 6 week old DS. DS is SO much more laid back than DD ever was, even at this stage. It could be that yep because they are different people it is different, but I had a little girl in 2015 who is also quite fiesty & was generally a lot more 'high maintenance' (her dads' words) than DS seems to be.

I don't think there is any difference at all until they get to school when outside influences, peer groups and media etc start to have an influence.

My Friend has a 2 year old boy and I have two DDs (currently pregnant with a boy) and her DH is always telling us how different having a boy is and I just roll my eyes. At that age I can't see how it's different at all, also can't see how he would know that as he doesn't have girls. Though he is of the opinion that boy should play with 'boy toys' and like 'boy things', he gets twitchy when he plays with our girls' toys

There's also a lot more pressure in my eyes on boys to be the best at everything, to succeed, to be 'daddy's little trooper' as opposed to 'mummy's little princess'

Absolutely- which is why it's our job as parents to shield them from such pressures and give them the confidence to grow up as who they really are rather than some gendered stereotype.

GreenMeerkat- I think your post really neatly sums up the issue. On the one hand you don’t think there’s an issue until they are “out in the world” so to speak, while simultaneously highlighting the sort of influences that are imposed pre-natally!