Mental health issues

[Hjkillas]

So about a week ago I realised my anxiety was taking over my pregnancy, the thought of hitting 39 weeks pregnant made me have a panic attack. I couldn't bare the thought of hitting 40..no way.

It crossed my mind to try and break my own waters, I scared myself. Please be aware this Wasa fleeting thought and I never acted on it but googled to see if anyone had this mental thought.

Now my depression seems to be out weighing the anxiety. I started smoking again (not smoked a single cig my entire pregnancy).. decided I definitely don't want to breatfeed and accepted that I'll go straight onto antidepressants as soon as my daughter is born.

I feel fucking awful, I mean no wonder she doesn't want to come out I'm a lunatic.. every day that goes by I feel more detached from the whole thing and think she'll be better off without me. I texted my midwife to open up about my feelings of anxiety, which took a lot, and in true midwife of this area fashion have had zero contact back.

I'm tempted to ring labour ward and ask to see a doctor. To which I know they will say well speak to your midwife but I don't have an appointment for another whole week. By which point god knows what state I'll be in. I just want to be induced and hold my girl, have a cry and tell her I'm sorry for being a bit of a failure and I'll make it up to her.

To top it off the girl in the flat above me have birth like one or two days ago and I can hear it crying.. but I don't feel anything.. no urge to comfort it or anything and I'm so worried how I'll be around by own baby...

Sorry for the rant I have no one to talk to

You are NOT a lunatic. You are anxious and need help. Please call your GP if MW doesn't get back to you. You need support. Soon.

You need support now, not once you’ve had a baby. Ring your GP this morning - this is urgent.

I have an appointment for 20 past 10 this morning, thanks ladies.
❤️

They won't give me any antidepressants whilst still pregnant, understandable as it would affect baby.

They don't induced for severe anxiety/depression. Only if baby was poorly. Was told not to worry about not eating that baby would live off my body regardless.

Have forwarded my number through email to a antenatal midwife who specialises in anxiety around delivery. But couldn't give me a time scale of when to expect a call.

Was told I would have to 'hold up' and try and 'deal with my anxiety myself'

Awesome... Fat lot of good that did.

I mean, she did say well done for saying something and coming in, atleast you have the ball rolling. Come back after delivery if you still feel this way

SIGHHH

Hello, have you got friends or family you could speak to?

Is there anyone else you can speak to?

Sorry to hear they have been so unhelpful.

I haven't looked at this in detail, so not sure if it is right for you, but pandas foundation have a phone or email you can contact for support.

You are not a lunatic. It's natural to feel apprehensive and when you are full of hormones you can swing from extreme sadness to panic to elation pretty quickly.

Speak to another gp. I made it through pregnancy without meds with the help of a counsellor. However, my midwife and gp both said on no uncertain terms I could go back on anti depressants if I felt I needed to.

Thanks girls, other half is as supportive as he can be. Attempting to understand what he hell's going on in my head, as I myself struggle to keep track.

Mother in law is a huge help as she has taken my 4yo a couple of times for the night, when she isn't working, to give me a bit of a break.

And that's it really.. all my family live 200 odd miles away. Not that anyone but my mum is of any use. She suffered with PND for nearly two years and has has bouts of dp on and off over time. So she can relate xx

Try breaking down into sections each of the situations that are causing you anxiety. Separate them because at the moment I’m sure it’s all rolling into one big thing and it seems totally overwhelming.
Write them down and then write a solution or the reason why you feel like this next to each one. For example, what is it about reaching 40 weeks that scares you so much? Why 40 weeks? Is it the labour/birth. The pain. You’ve already said you can’t wait to have your little girl in your arms so you can apologise for being such a failure but yet you feel nothing towards the baby upstairs crying and that worries you.
I’m no expert, I have bipolar 2 disorder and a lot of anxiety and I’ve learnt ways over the years to try and help deal with it.
Just give it a go and Breaking it down will make each thing your anxious about not seem so huge but yet they become little thugs that individually you can overcome.
Good luck. Your gonna do just great!!!

Thank you @MagicalCreatures I think you're right.
Every day that goes on I have a new worry that adds another 5kg to what I'm already balancing on my tightrope, I need to put all my weights down for a second and try and get rid of some.
It's just so hard to breathe at the moment like if I give birth the bulk of my anxiety might just melt away and I can focus on the very core of my anxiety issues.
Fingers crossed either this midwife gets in contact or my baby makes her arrival and I can take a deep breath again. As I've no choice but to try and hang in there in the meantime x

Wtf, why not give anti depressants? I was on mine the whole way through pregnancy and as my consultant said, the majority are fine for use in pregnancy.
You need to access help, is there a mental health crisi team in your area? They may be able to direct you to the right people.
Btw you are not a failure, the hormones are just doing a right number on you

Your GP is totally, totally wrong.

Can you call your nearest obstateic/ maternity Assesment unit?

Do you know if there's a perinatal mental health team you can be refered to at all?

*Obstetric even

Is there a perinatal mental health team in your area? They were amazing, supported me through pregnancy and for a year after. There were antidepressants I could take through pregnancy and after when breastfeeding.

Yes second that. Look into whether there is a perinatal mental health service. I think you've been unfairly fobbed off there. I wonder if you told the Dr your thoughts. Please don't be ashamed you are not alone.

I did tell her my thoughts, told her my crazy temptation in to break my waters and everything to which she said 'youd never be able to' I said I'm already 3cm dilated and I can feel the opening of my cervix.. she was a bit taken aback. When she spoke to an on call gyny she did stress that I had contemplated inducing my self with drastic measures. Yet all I got was an e-mailed referral.. I thought they would want me to see someone straight away but apparently I'll have to 'hang in there's until someone picks up the paperwork and can be arsed doing anything..

She specifically said no to SSRIs that they wouldn't work in time anyway and that many manufacturers are simply not happy for them to be given to pregnant women. She also seemed to think the problem is heavier towards anxiety rather than depression. As if the fact that my excitement is dwindling isn't a huge sign of natal depression..

I guess the only perinatal mental health team is the person theyve referred me to.. in fairness my doctor pushed them to give me a time when I can expect a call, which went unanswered and asked for a contact number to which she was told the on call doctor would handle the email and that was the end of it.

So I'm still stuck with no one professional to contact when I'm having an episode/meltdown. I'll have to rely on my personal support network..

Professionals may be reluctant to prescribe ADs at this point as they do take a few weeks to kick in, but there is no reason why they shouldn't be offering talking therapies and other support in the meantime.
HV may also be another resource to explore. You'll be on their books for a while and they're generally pretty genned up on antenatal and postnatal depression.
If you do feel you're at crisis point, particularly any thoughts about harming yourself, please ring your triage team.

Do you have Sure Start Centres in your area? They might have someone who you can chat to and give you some support in the interim and they work closely with the health visitors. Many also run pre and postnatal mental health support groups and other activities that might be of interest to you. SSRIs are known to have very minimal effects for babies (very small risk of neonatal hypotension) and reports repeatedly state that it is much, much safer for mums and babies that mothers are on medication for their mental health where required. Obviously it depends entirely on your area but PNMH teams are experts so should be able to help further and should process your referral pretty quickly. Does your hospital have a mental health midwife that you are aware of? It may be worth telephoning your community team or the antenatal clinic to enquire? If you feel things are deteriorating, please present at A&E so that you can be assessed by the on call psych team and given appropriate, prompt support.

Sertraline is essentially approved in pregnancy and is a mainline treatment for anxiety. Yes it can take time to bed in completely but it does have some immediate effect.
I am concerned for you that they don't seem to be taking you seriously enough. Please do not take this the wrong way but this does sound like heading into the realms of psychosis (suffered myself). The repetitive overwhelming thoughts and essentially causing harm to yourself, this isn't just anxiety.

I know I can have lorezapam after birth - even if breastfeeding as it does not pass into milk. Not sure about before.

Still fairly stressed out, and had no contact from this mental health team.. useless bunch.

I know it's only been a couple of days but I feel they should have atleast made first contact with me by now..