Hi, just looking for some support really or a chat...
I'll try and summarise! I'm 36 weeks pregnant. I live 120 odd miles from 'home' where I am from and where my family are. I have been in this new town for about 18 months. My partner and me have been together a year (yes I fell pregnant very quickly)! It's been a very tough pregnancy for many reasons, I can honestly say I haven't enjoyed any of it which makes me feel very guilty. Pregnancy hasn't been what I imagined it should be and neither have my circumstances, which makes me feel very sad as I don't imagine doing this agin so this is it, my one experience of being pregnant.
One of the main problems is that I've had depression throughout the pregnancy. I am on medication which has helped and have had a lot of support from the midwifes and wider NHS team in general, plus counselling too. I am better than what I was, but I feel in these last few weeks something's changed. I've suddenly had enough of appointments, explaining myself and my feelings to people - even to my partner and my mum. I'm begrudgingly answering the phone if it rings, I have no energy, a whole day can pass with me just laying on my bed in silence, only moving to go to the toilet or to eat.
Things have been tough between me and my partner as we have been on a steep learning curve together since I fell pregnant so early in our relationship. He is committed though and we are learning and getting through the difficulties we encounter. However, I feel like I have had enough of trying and have resigned myself to things just being the way they are. I feel like I just want everyone to leave me alone (although of course I don't really - I want my partner to fully understand me and take all the pain away...I know that's unrealistic and not fair on him).
He has said yesterday and today he is worried about me, he said I seem like I have given up on everything. We had a bit of an argument a few days ago about something quite minor I guess, but I feel like it's tipped me over the edge in some way. I can't bounce back. Despite him saying he is worried about me, and knowing I have been stuck indoors all day for days by myself, feeling down and lonely and too hot to move, he said after work today he might pop into his mum's, failing that his brother's. Am I wrong to feel upset that he is choosing not to come home to me considering him apparently being worried about me, how I'm feeling, what my days have been like and that I'm only a few weeks away from labour potentially? Not to mention there's still stuff to organise for labour like him packing his bag and fitting car seats.
I feel like his last priority and so alone, but have lost the energy to fight for it.