Family Dramas

[MagicalCreatures]

Hi everyone

So I’m 18 weeks pregnant and after I’ve had my 20 week Scan, I’m going to arrange a baby shower / get together with my closest friends and family. Just love an excuse to get all the people I care about in one room.

The problem I have, is my sister in law is an evil person. We don’t get on and I’ve already told my OH that I want nothing more to do with her. I will deal with her at family parties when I have too but nothing else.
I won’t go into great detail but she has been so horrible to me and my OH, she has bullied, insulted and intimidated me especially and hasn’t even congratulated us or acknowledged my pregnancy.

My OH parents are so one sided (seriously this princess can do no wrong) and they always stand by her, even when they’ve witnessed point blank her being nasty.

So I don’t want her at my baby shower. I wouldn’t invite her to my birthday so why should I invite her to this.
But I have a very strong feeling that my MIL is going to say something. Whether is just a simple ‘shall I or have you invited .......’
Or her being quite openly rude to me about not inviting her.

How would you handle the situation if it occurred? It’s ok for me to ask my family and friends for advice but I need it from people who are pregnant and possibly in the same situation as me.

Please help!!!!

Could you have a gathering of just your friends and not family?

Of course horrible SIL doesn’t get to be there. I wouldn’t invite MIL as you know it’ll be a massive hassle.

No need to tell them you are having one!!

How are you going to handle the 'auntie' relationship? I thought baby showers were usually just friends and your own female relations not in laws?

Im so close to my own family so I couldn’t leave them out.
And I couldn’t get away with not inviting my MIL as my OH will know I’m having it.
The Auntie relationship will be a case of it’s a title. Nothing else. She has made it very difficult for us to have a close relationship with her children which has broken my OH heart. She doesn’t even refer to us as auntie or uncle anymore with her children.
And when I had my hen do, my MIL suggested I invite all my OH aunties and cousins which I barely even knew (who obviously didn’t come) but I’ve already decided I’m going to say to her it’s a very small do at my mums house so no extended family.
Thankyou for your input so far.

You need to stop letting your MIL push you around. In a nice way, she’s your husband’s mother so you should be polite to her if you can but leave the relationship up to him. You’re having a baby, you need to establish boundaries you’re comfortable with now, not when MIL is dictating how you live your life, what you do with your time, who you invite to special occasions or how things are with your baby.

I know MN generally loathes baby showers but I like them and have been to loads over the years and I can only think of one where the MIL was there.

It’s not up to your husband who’s there. If he wants to organise, fund and host a pre or post baby event and invite his mother he can go for it.

This is your baby shower and you only have people there who respect you and care for you. It’s handy to get married before having children as it gives you an idea of how these things will go. Your hen do was an illustration of how your MIL feels entitled to tell you what to do with no thought for what you want to do! That wasn’t good and you already know she’s going to do the same with your shower.

Have your friends, mum, whomever else YOU want there.

Hatch a plan with a close friend or relative. Get them to "organise" it (well claim to) that was you're not responsible for people's invites "accidentally" being misplaced.

@AnneLovesGilbert Thankyou. Your words give me a lot of strength to stand up for myself more.
In my own words, I feel like his sister has shown me no respect and I want to enjoy my own baby shower. Not feel intimidated and upset and I know that is what she will do so I will stand by my feelings and just say no if she brings it up.
I’m hoping she won’t and she might not. She might finally have realised that we just don’t get on and not to push me.
My MIL and FIL think they are looking after my baby when I go back to work but I’m not happy about it as I know they always spend those days with my SIL and I just don’t trust her at all. X

@FirstTimeBumps good idea. That did cross my mind and I might put that into action abit aswell x