Feeling Down about My Midwife

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Sorry it's so long!

I'm 29 weeks pregnant with my first baby so it's a brand new experience for me and I don't know if I'm just being overly sensitive.

My booking in appointment happened around 8 weeks and I was suffering from bad morning sickness at the time so I wasn't feeling great about it anyway. The midwife had a trainee in with her who attempted to take some blood from me - which is fine, I'm not one for a fear of needles or anything. But she couldn't find my vein! I have never been one for having trouble having blood tests or giving blood. In fact, nurses have commented on how easy I am to draw blood from so this was putting me on edge. She tried 3 of 4 times before the midwife herself tried. Which at this point was making me turn green. Even she couldn't get the vein that even I could see really clearly . They ended up sending me to the hospital for the blood to be taken and when I asked the nurse there, she couldn't see why they'd had such an issue. I guess this was kind of like a bad first impression.

So anyway, weeks went by and I saw the main midwife (different to the lady who booked me in). At first impressions I felt great. She was kind and friendly, albeit a little rushed each time but I generally felt relieved that she wasn't the lady from my first appointment. Recently though, she's asked me so many things that I feel like if she took two minutes to read my notes, she'd see the answers for herself. It makes me feel like I'm on a conveyor belt and she's just rushing to get me off her list. Asking me if I've had a glucose test (which I then overthought afterwards and was googling reasons why I might need one - SIL has developed GD recently so I've become a little paranoid) only to be told when I brought it up in the next appointment that she just didn't realise I wasn't considered at risk of GD and it was 'just a passing comment'. She actually checked my notes this time to confirm I wouldn't need one unless I showed any signs. It's irked me that she asks me questions that worry me, rushes me out of the door so I feel like I can't really ask much about it and then proves to me that she just failed to do something as basic as to read my notes the first time. I've had physio for SPD and been referred for counselling due to history of MH problems - all of which she doesn't mention until I remind her that I have an appointment or moan about how much pain I've been in and she decides it would be a good time to read up on my notes to refresh her memory.

I get that they are busy and have other people to see but my appointments feel so impersonal, I'm starting to panic a little bit that I'm not being cared for as I should. Even my OH can see where I'm coming from despite telling me he thought I was being silly to begin with. I think he tried to make conversation with her in my last appointment and she was a bit rude and rushy. He tried to make me ask her the list of questions that I'd written down but I felt under pressure and didn't feel comfortable 'keeping her' as she was packing up and ending the appointment.

Has anyone else had poor impressions from their midwives or is this normal and I'm just being sensitive?

I saw a different midwife nearly every time! In our area we keep our notes, so no time for the midwife to read prior to the appointment and would take up too much time during.

I think it works both ways here, I wouldn't expect my midwife to know I had SPD as she had so many other women to care for too, so I'd just tell her, much easier than her reading my notes.

In all honesty my maternity care was shocking from beginning to end, so I just took as much control of it as I could, if I had any questions I rang the assessment unit or the ward, I felt rushed by my community midwife, and like nothing I mentioned was a big deal...which in a way was comforting because it obviously wasn't anything serious!

Don't be frightened to stick up for yourself and your baby though if you think you're getting a bum deal, it's very important to you and your first baby, I think some midwifes become complacent with women because they see it everyday.

I remember the consultant coming in to see me without even introducing herself and saying 'baby isn't growing as we'd like her to, were inducing you tomorrow...I'll give you a minute to compose yourself if you're going to get upset' I tore her a new one, you have to be firm. This is your and your baby's care, it's important that you feel happy with it x

Im in and out with my local mw within mins

She doesnt even do a proper heartbeat check (bpm , she just ticks) and is less than 3secs long.

Very annoying. No one is sat outside waiting for her so shes not in a rush with clinics over running etc

Yeh. They are super busy, busy. But no need to be so abrupt and almost rude. I had a different one almost every time and different again for the delivery.
I have the problem that I have a very high pain tolerance and look like I know what I'm doing even when I haven't a clue. For instance they just seemed to think I would know which appointments were expected of me when there must have been a booklet missing from my notes. I also seem to be invisible but that's another thread ( I get walked into all the time!)
Anyway I just think you need to be more assertive with them to get the information you need. Sounds like dh is on board so brief him to help you out.
So yeh, it is rubbish. Have you been to antenatal classes. Some info there.

I see a different midwife each time and they're always busy - they only have so much (little!) time allocated to each patient. I have a list of questions each time and I make sure I ask them before the end of the appointment as that is the rushed bit. I'm a teacher and I guess I see it sort of like parents'evening at my school- parents are given their time slot and it has to be as efficient and as effwctive as possible. Maybe it's quicker for her to ask you the questions rather than for her to look through your notes, idk? It's good you have the same midwife each time though! However there is no excuse for her rudeness so that's not on. Remember you are entitled to your slot so don't worry about 'keeping her' if there's something you are concerned about! I do feel like I've been kind of 'left to it' in my pregnancy but I guess if everything is fine and normal there is no need for more than I'm getting... I'm sure my opinion would change if I had any problems or concerns though! I've found reading pregnancy books and antenatal courses really helpful as knowledge is power - and it's very reassuring to feel like you know what's going on!

I’m afraid, in my experience, you just need to be on top of things yourself. Last two pregnancies I’ve had to repeat things to numerous midwives, I don’t think anyone has time to read notes, nor do they remember details about an individiual’s situation. It isn’t right, we aren’t experts or trained, but I’m sure no midwife became a midwife to make a half assed job of it - they’re just stretched too thin.

You need to learn to be assertive - ask questions and make sure they are answered. She shouldn’t be brushing you off so don’t let her. Various experiences with the NHS (which I do think is wonderful) have lead me to believe that you must advocate for yourself.

This sounds normal. I never saw the same midwife twice in my 1st pregnancy and it’s been the same so far this time (30 weeks now). They see so many women and they are really rushed. It’s basically in, bloods, urine tested, out. My last one was so rushed that I went in with lots of important things to ask (like getting my mat b 1) and both I and the midwife completely forgot about it as she needed to get to her next appt. my consultant appts at the hospital aren’t much better. I think you need to be on top of everything and relay that to them each time you see them, which is annoying but that’s the way it seems to be.

I was just having a loan myself after poor care in my first pregnancy! Midwife was also very judgey that I found out the gender and wouldn’t let me say - had to refer to the baby as it! Not this time!
As previous posters have said and advice I need to take - take charge and don’t leave until you are happy!!!