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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

OH grew up in foster care

13 replies

captainshortie · 23/07/2018 11:02

So i went for my booking in app last week and all is well, medically me and my OH are quite boring(bar his ADHD which doesnt affect him)

However she asked if either of us had dealings with SS and I said yes he grew up in foster care from age 3.
She asked if he had communication with his family now and I said yes his mam and siblings.
She then asked why he was in there (which i dont see the relevance for) however he has no idea so said we didnt know.

Im now worried we'll have social services snooping around even though ive had no dealings with them.
His sister said when she was pregnant she had 1 visit and then they left her alone. But she grew up in the system so i understand that.
However ive had nothing to do with them so dont see the point

Am i being too naive?

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ApolloandDaphne · 23/07/2018 11:05

I am a social worker and i would say that i have never visited a family on the basis that one of the couple had been in foster care and they were expecting a baby. Yes if one of the couple already had a child who had been placed in care but not someone brought up in a foster family.

ApolloandDaphne · 23/07/2018 11:07

Also if he was there from age 3 and never went home then his foster parents would have been his main influence/role models as he grew up.

AssassinatedBeauty · 23/07/2018 11:09

I would imagine it will be similar to his sister, one visit and then nothing else. The point is that the baby's father, who will be present in the home and have parental responsibility was in the care system. So they might want to check that there are no issues now with regard to parenting. Which there aren't, so once they've checked they will sign you off. There may also be more about his family history that he doesn't know, related to why he was in care. They may need to check that you know, or that you aren't in contact with certain family members or something like that.

Wellthen · 23/07/2018 15:00

He was in foster care from 3 to adulthood but, despite having a relationship with his mum, doesn’t know why?

I have to admit I’m surprised this doesn’t concern you. Your OH and his siblings were removed because they were deemed to be at risk, isn’t it possible your child could be at risk from their paternal grandparents?

As you have a relationship with your mil and your sil has children already, I assume you’re happy that she poses no risk. But you can see why the midwives/health visitors might want to clarify that.

Dreamingofkfc · 23/07/2018 15:05

The relevance of why he was in foster care could be if it was neglect and now you have contact with those people there may be a safe guarding issue.

captainshortie · 23/07/2018 17:15

@ApolloandDaphne i hope its like that, or at least one visit then done.

@AssasinatedBeauty i hope so!!

@Wellthen He doesnt want to know and i respect his wishes. He can find out if he wishes but Id imagine he wouldnt want to jepordize the relationship he has with his mam. Which again i completley understand.

@Dreamingofkfc nice username! Haha its not a subject ive ever pushed. I think if he truly cared that much hed of found out and cut her from his life you know

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TwinkleStars15 · 23/07/2018 18:17

I’m also a social worker and that is no basis for a referral. Try not to worry.

CrabbyPatty · 24/07/2018 10:21

If she makes a referral to Social Care she is supposed to tell you and explain the reasons. I'm a safeguarding specialist nurse and my first thought is that she was enquiring as to whether contact with your partner's family is a risk. But as long as you and your partner aren't a risk then you have no reason to worry. If you do have a Social Care visit just be honest and compliant and it should all be fine. :)

user1493413286 · 24/07/2018 20:59

If a mum is grew up in foster care and is under a certain age then there is a duty to do an assessment. I don’t agree with it but it’s policy sadly.
I don’t know whether that counts for dads and you may be above that age.
Do I understand it right that he was in foster care from age 3 to 18? I don’t really understand why he wouldn’t know the reasons for that as social workers make sure children do know why they’re in the care. The relevance would be that if the reason he was in care is because his mum/family is a risk then there could be worries for your baby, eg. If he went into care because of physical abuse by a parent then that could be a risk to your baby

ApolloandDaphne · 24/07/2018 21:17

User1493 I don't know about elsewhere but in Scotland there is no such policy that mums who grew up in foster care need to be assessed when they become pregnant.

TwinkleStars15 · 24/07/2018 21:32

No that’s not the policy where I work either, and I’m in the UK.

happymummy12345 · 24/07/2018 22:31

My husband was in foster care until he was adopted. It was not discussed at all. There was no need to. It's not relevant at all

user1493413286 · 25/07/2018 06:50

I’m in the UK and I’ve done or come across several assessments in 3 different areas on that basis; again I don’t agree with it but that was the reason; maybe each local authority decides.

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