2nd Pregnancy ! Feeling sad ...

[Zoe2411]

I hope I don't upset anyone with this post as I completely understand how ungrateful I sound , from a couple who struggled to conceive for 2 years with losses etc I have a sense of understanding how difficult it can be when you want children and it doesn't seem to be happening , I couldn't even imagine issues above that so please don't for a second think I don't know how precious life is. I cherish every second with my little boy , he is my life and entire world .
But ... I found out I was pregnant on Saturday , I don't even know what made me pick up a test , I didn't even think about it and to be honest we haven't done the deed since last month so assumed I'd be having AF any day now . Wrong . 2 thick lines appeared , not once but on every stick I have done since ( 4 , just to check of course lol ) but I feel awful to say it , I feel gutted . DS is only 11 months and is starting to properly enjoy our time together and I am utterly devoted to him . Although we wanted a small gap , I literally spoke to my partner last month about going back onto birth control as I thought we would just enjoy little man for a few more years maybe when he's 3/4 instead of 2/3 and try again then .
I just feel an immense amount of guilt for our little boy and like now he's enjoying time with us as a family on his own , we're about to change the dynamics again .
Not only that but in the least shallowest way possible , I was a size 6-8 pre son and due to diabetes and a few other things gained 6 stone during pregnancy and have only just managed to lose it all and get back in shape and down to a nice 10-12 and I've worked really hard for it :(

Anyone else felt guilt etc or unhappy with 2nd pregnancy ? X

I wanted a small age gap between my two and luckily got one (18 months between them); even so I felt guilty that the first wouldn’t have my undivided attention anymore and I was worried I wouldn’t have enough love for both of them! I am so glad I did have te small age gap, they are 5 and 6 now and although it was hard having a toddler and a newborn they are amazing now and into the same things and days out are easy as they’re happy doing the same things. I haven’t really answered your post but I do understand that you will be feeling guilty - it was the best thing I did getting pregnant quickly again. I managed the two lots of weight loss - it didn’t seem so hard 2nd time around, I went to slimming world which helped - you can also follow slimming world when you’re pregnant if you’re worried about putting too much weight on.

Also your first is so young he will adapt to what happens so quickly, he won’t get jealous at that age which sometimes happens when they’re a bit older!

There was another poster on here a few days ago in exactly the same situation, thiñking of terminating. Not sure that it's the right solution though. Your lo would probably benefit from a playmate when they're both a bit older. What does dp think about it? It should be a joint decision. I know it's hard. Good luck whatever you decide...

There's 14 months between my brother and me we were each other's best friend- I'm the oldest and loved having him always with me always have a playmate. I wanted the same for DS but unfortunately it will be a 6 year gap as things don't work out how you dream or wish for them to be. I feel so bad he's been without a sibling for so long and he's always asking for one. But I feel these things happen for a reason and in the long run it becomes a bit clearer. Give yourself time to adjust and talk with OH it's a shock even when you are trying!

Thank you so so much for your post Matilda1981, it definitely has answered my post to a degree or atleast put someone who's been there's opinion forward and said actually it's ok and not as heart breaking for the little one as you think . I know it's most definitely me projecting onto him that he would be upset etc because I think I'm upset for him although like yourself wanted a small gap not a month back and yet here
I am now going what ! Lol
It's so difficult trying to take into consideration the highs and lows of age gaps and to decide when's the best time . Like you say , a small age gap is lush and they are so close and he is so young would he even remember not having a sibling ? But then leave it too long (3-5 years ) and they experience jealousy etc and it probably effects them more .
Arghhh I just don't lol

Thanks for the slimming world bit as well and I know it sounds so awful that I'm banging on about weight as well as there are women who would be 30 stone if they could have a baby but I really struggled with how big I got last time having been so slim all my life and have only got to a point recently where although I'm still abit saggy in places , I'm comfortable with how I look etc

Thank you x

Singlenotsingle , thank you for your post x

I don't think that has really entered my mind as an option per-say but will definitely sit down with DP to talk as I haven't told him yet x were currently fostering a little dog along with our 2 dogs and little man and he only got back yesterday from business away over the weekend so didn't want to throw it at him lol x

Angelmiracle , that so lush and whether hormones or what has just made me tear up how close you and your brother are and how you loved having him . There was 5 years between me and my brother and I think we were abit mehhh of eachother until we both got to teens and then became close as I wasn't just an annoying little sister , we were actually getting to each others levels x
I am a massive believer like yourself that things happen for a reason hence why I'm not going to be doing anything rash and will allow what will be to be whether that results in it not working out ( has happened before ) or if it progresses nicely then I will know it's supposed to be x

Congratulations on baby number 2 x

You can love your next child as much as your oldest child.

I found out I was pregnant with number 2 when DD1 was 11 months and I felt exactly the same as you. I was heartbroken that DD1 wouldn’t get the chance to be ‘the baby’ anymore and she’d have to share us.
They’re 4 and 3 now and it’s absolutely lovely. They are the best of friends, and their lives are only enhanced by having each other in it. The first 6 months were tough, don’t get me wrong, but that’s a distant memory now. They’re currently playing in the garden together while I chill with a book (im pregnant with number 3 now).
Good luck!