Is it ok to not want a baby shower?

[ER1992]

So my friends keep asking me for dates that I'm free for them to organise a baby shower for me. I have been persistent in telling them I'm not keen on the idea 1. Because I hate being centre of attention and playing silly games etc 2. We don't know the gender so don't want lots of neutral presents and 3. Me and hubby would rather if people want to buy baby a gift they do so after baby is here and they all know the gender. However my friends are making me feel guilty about not wanting one and I'm starting to feel like I'm just being silly

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with baby showers. With my friends we tend to all go for cake- no presents until baby is here but a nice afternoon out before life becomes much busier with a baby!

Yadnbu about not wanting a shower.
Yabu about gender neutral stuff. Most of the nice stuff is gender neutral. Apart from some types of clothes everyrhing else does not need to gendered for babies. Tbh it looks really dated now when girls are head to foot in girlie clothes and visa versa.

I would say not having a baby shower is much more usual than having one. I do not want one. I prefer things to be a bit more quiet and find them OTT and tacky. Don't be pushed into it because it's what your friends want. I know I would find something like this a source of stress so won't be having one.

I've never been to one and am definitely not having one. I didn't have a hen either.

Totally your choice - you shouldn't feel any pressure to have one if you don't want one, just tell people you prefer to wait until the baby is safely here before celebrating - most people will understand that.

in the uk we.celebrate when the risky business of childbirth is complete. enjoy the last few months of not having to play childish games, you have years to do that.

other countries have different customs. if your mates want to shriek and buy tat, they dont need you as an excuse.

My friends were similar so I instead suggested a nice girly pub meal out... and said no presents. It was really nice as we rarely do that 😊

"I don’t think there’s anything wrong with baby showers. With my friends we tend to all go for cake- no presents until baby is here but a nice afternoon out before life becomes much busier with a baby!"

That isn't a baby shower - it's a get together with friends. The point of a baby shower is to "shower you with gifts". If the OP wants a girly catch up or a last baby free lunch/afternoon tea with friends that's great but it isn't a baby shower!

It's fine but I'd focus on the don't want to be the centre of attention, play games etc rather than you wanting pink or blue presents.

Baby showers sit uneasily with me too. I would have hated to be the centre of attention and am too superstitious about buying for the baby before it arrives.
I am intrigued by preferring gendered clothes though; why ?

Thanks to those of you who understand where I'm coming from. Totally made me feel better about it.

To those of you focusing on the 'neutral gifts' part what I'm saying is we have brought and got everything we need in neutral and have plenty of clothes etc and don't need any more before the baby arrives.

And to those who think there is nothing wrong with having a baby shower. Did I say there was? No! It's simply not my thing and I don't feel comfortable. It's those if you who say 'there is nothing wrong with it' who make me feel guilty but I am glad most people on here get what I am saying

Op you'll get way more clothes than you need any, in styles you don't like, in sizes they won't fit for years.

Don't have a party because you don't want a party.

Don't expect to have any say on what people will buy you because it'll never happen.

I've still brought fairly neutral for my friends who know what kind of baby they're having because not every day needs to be a blue trucks / pink fairies day and boy all neutral is beige

Good luck

🙈 I only said there was nothing wrong with baby showers because lots of people were implying they were tacky and awful. It wasn’t directed at you to make you feel bad! Have one, don’t have one, it really doesn’t matter

Seriously don't think some of you get what I'm saying. If I wanted my baby dressed head to toe in pink or blue do you not think we would have found out the gender? However I have pretty sensible friends and family who know we have lots of neutral bits for baby in new born who have stated to us that when baby arrives they are looking forward to buying something in either colour when they hear what we've had.

Can't believe I'm the only person in the world who would like a little pink or blue in my babies wardrobe ha!

Anyways this post wasn't about that it was about peoples opinions on baby showers

Of course you aren't but my point is someone will think ah I bet everyone will buy pink so I'll get a neutral orange, or I was going to get pink but this green one is cuter. And Aunt Mary won't have any clue and will buy it the size too big. I'm simply saying I wouldn't get to caught up with what gifts you think you'll get because it really can get quite random.
We now club together and buy a nice book set save the stock piling of 12-18 month baby grows 😂😂

I find the idea awful, not because of not knowing the gender but the idea of celebrating a baby that hasn't safely been born. Seems to be taking a lot for granted to me.

I’m with you op, I’d hate a baby shower.

Only one friend has had one, and it was for her second baby. I find it really weird!

I like giving a gift once the baby is born.

I’d be mortified if my friends tried to do that to me! If you want to have a baby shower then that’s lovely, but if it’s not your thing then just be polite but firm about it. Is there a way you could direct their well-meaning energies instead? Like suggesting something that would actually be enjoyable or useful for you? They obviously care about you and want to do something nice for you, which is sweet, so maybe suggest something else they could do for/with you? I’ve been trying to make a list of small, practical things that people could buy for the baby (including things like donating to a charity in her name, as we really don’t need much) so that we don’t end up with unwanted crap, and nearer the time will try to schedule time with individual friends to do something nice together, whether it’s a walk and a coffee or a cinema trip or whatever. It’s tricky because people just want to be involved I guess, but it can get a bit much if you’re not a person who likes a fuss. Be honest (but kind!) with them

Nope, didn't have one, didn't want one. I've only known of two people to have them. In fairness, one was surprised by family/friends; the other woman's mother had cancer so it was mostly for her. She's now passed away a few months after the woman had her baby so has fond memories of her mum being able to celebrate her first grandchild before she died.

i dont want one either, i struggle with anxiety and hate being centre of attention, dont have many girlfriends so don't see the point in one (for me personally)
ive told people that and hoping i dont get a surprise one organised as i really don't like all the fuss, would rather have fuss over baby once he is here :)

Its not for me but i dont mind going to other peoples why not just have a lunch out if your friends want to get together

I also wonder about not celebrating a baby that is yet born... my SIL knew from 22 weeks that her baby would not be ‘safely born’ and she carried her to term anyway, where baby passed away. We had a ‘baby shower’ (afternoon tea) to celebrate the life of her baby. So I can see why people do it. Celebrating the life you’ve created even if that life is not very long.

Stick to your guns! I don't like baby showers will not be having a baby shower and I always politely decline a baby shower.
For me it's celebrating something too early, by all means have a lunch with friends but until there is a baby safely delivered its a bit of risk.

I wanted an afternoon tea baby shower.
But never had it because it caused too many arguments and conflicts within the family so not worth the effort.
I didn't want to do the games or the typical baby shower stuff anyway. Just wanted everyone to get together and have tea and cake.
My SiL had a baby shower for her 3rd baby. It was so cringe and awkward.

spam reported