ELCS agreed but now feeling a bit weird

[birdybirdbird]

Just wondering if anyone has been through the same?
I had consultant appointment today to discuss having a CS. Midwife suggested it after discussing some mental health stuff with her thats causing me a huge amount of anxiety with the ‘out of my control’ nature of a vaginal birth. I was crying in the waiting room as I felt so overwhelmed and then cried my way through all the discussions. She was professional but quite brusque and, after discussion, just said “So what date do you have in mind? We do them at 39 weeks”
Although it’s the outcome I wanted and it is definitely the right choice for me and bump, I now just feel weirdly ... deflated? Anti climatic? Lonely? I’m not really sure!
I wonder if it’s because I don’t really feel like I can tell anyone what it is actually a really great thing for me, because I don’t want to have to go into my reasons as they’re so personal? And I know there’s a lot of judgement surrounding ELCS too - certainly don’t want to bring it up in my very anti-epidural, happy clappy NCT group either.

I sort of get how you're feeling. I have arranged my ELCS today and already feel like I'm having to justify my medical reasons for choosing it - someone at work has already gone "oh, I wish I had one of those, seems so much easier". I've been umming and ahhing about it because the recovery sounds the exact opposite of easy and I ended up snapping at her. I've delivered vaginally before.

I don't feel deflated. I feel terrified about the fact the baby will be here soon and also I'm still not 100% sure if it is the right decision but I also don't think a vaginal birth is necessarily the right decision - I wish there was a third way!

I think it’s that I suddenly feel left out of the pregnancy club! People at my work are so excited for me and have been genuinely so lovely (bar a few horror stories...) But so much advice and comment from friends and everywhere is geared towards vaginal delivery (and rightly so, it’s what most people do). I just suddenly feel quite alone in it all. Don’t really have family I can turn to either and whilst my partner is very supportive, it suddenly feels all very ‘on me’! It’s good to hear that someone else is feeling a bit similar though, thanks @kirinm

There's definitely something about a c-section that gives people the impression you're choosing the easy way out. I'm sick of my MIL telling me how quickly so and so was back up on their feet whilst seemingly ignoring the fact that it has taken me months to make the decision and I'm making the decision to avoid what happened previously.

I did also get the sense from the consultant that they thought I thought it was an easier option.

I'm not even going to tell my NCT group - wait until it's happened. They're all really nice but it still does feel a bit like you're doing it wrong.

I’m debating an ELCS at the moment too (almost 32 weeks now) and know how you feel. My partner is 100% supportive of whatever I decide but I keep thinking would the experience of a VB bind us more? (Probs a silly thought I know) and there’s no real medical reason for me to have a CS, it’s just I’m so anxious! Also worrying about recovery time. It’s just such a hard decision to make