In need of advice

[no1babyno1]

Hello,
I am in need of advice. I don't know who to speak to. I have a great supportive family but I don't want to tell them.

I am 12 week pregnant. My partner said before I got pregnant he wanted a baby and he could not wait for us to have a life together.
Well now I am pregnant now that's has all changed. He doesn't want the baby and said he will now spend his life being miserable. He said he will no longer be able to do what he wants to do. And he can't leave because he's not that person and he love me just not the baby.

He said he wants to spend time with me but he will be miserable and have the ump because I won't get rid of the baby.

Also I am making our relationship miserable and hard because I'm moody and tired and get irritate really easily.

I really don't know what to do ?
Anyone going through anything similar ?

What a horrible situation to be put in. This is really unfair at best, and emotional blackmail really.

I'd have huge reservations about spending my life with someone who treated me like this and I know that I would leave someone who did this to me.

That sounds like emotional blackmail. If you want the baby say to your partner that either he will love you both or you are leaving. He doesn't deserve you

I have offered for him to leave and it's fine. I have also said that I will still include his family. In everything and when the baby is here they can see the baby whenever they want.
The only part I've feel I've been mean about it. The surname. I've said it will be mine last name as well as his.
His reply was he not gunna leave is he as he loves me and he will basically look like a dick to his family. So it needs to be his name because he want to marry me and then the baby will have a different name to us.
Then the argument starts again as I say I'm not marrying someone that's doesn't want our baby. According to him that's doesn't matter because he loves me

So I'm stuck he doesn't want to leave but he miserable if he stays.

You're not stuck. You tell him that you have made the decision to leave him. He does not call the shots.

Please be careful about making promises that his family can 'see the baby whenever they want'. Even with a thriving relationship this could become very difficult to honour indeed.

Take a breath, just because he's saying that now doesn't mean that he will continue to feel that way. He's obviously worried about how life will change which is understandable but he's not handling it well. Give it some time, women start to bond with a baby when they're pregnant, men don't have those pregnancy hormones so it's more difficult and a baby is a big life changing thing. There's no immediate need to decide the name, say you'll discuss it a bit closer to the time, you've got months to decide and if needs be the name can always be changed at a later date. He will probably get past his current strop, take him to the scans and later let him feel the baby kick, give him some time to get used to the idea.

He doesn't even want the baby why should they have his surname?? I love my other half to bits but we aren't married so it's double barrelled. Should that change our surnames will.
It seems he is using the baby and your emotions to control you. "I'll love you but not the baby" that's f*cking awful!!
I'm sorry hun, he seems like such a jack ass x

But he did originally want the baby, sounds like he's just scared to me.

We have been talking and apparently he only said he wanted a baby because he knew it would make me happy and he didn't realise how miserable it would make him.

Also I have been fair with the surname I've said both so to make it a double barrelled one. Which involved both of our names.

Also I have said he doesn't have to come to the appointments if he don't want to. I don't want him to feel forced. He has said that he had to doesn't he. Which I don't understand if I've said it's fine he can come if he wants or if he doesn't then he doesn't have to. I'm just confused

Sometimes men panic or get upset once baby is here about how their life is changing. We become mothers the second we find out we have a baby in our tummy, it doesn't become real for them until the baby is here. Right now he has no love for the baby, so no pros to balance out the cons. Granted, it's not a very mature reaction and it would seriously piss me off. But sounds like you are in a serious long term relationship and have lots of future plans, so try to help him sort out his thoughts.

Life doesn't have to change too much. You can still make time for yourselves and factor in things you enjoy. Problem is some people stop everything and go round telling other parents to be how "hard" it is. How you can't go to the gym anymore, can't go out for a drink etc. You can, all just requires more planning and effort than it used to.

Find out what things in life he is worried will change and see how you can work on some plans to ensure he still gets to do things that are important to him. Reassure him. If you feel strong enough cut the BS and tell him you are not going to allow him to ruin the whole pregnancy for you in this way.

He will love the baby when it's here. It's pretty hard not to! Until then, try to get him involved, scans, you could buy a Doppler to listen to the HB. My OH loved this.

Fight the battles that count. Right now, surname is a non issue. Just gloss over shit like that and concentrate on making the pregnancy a positive experience for both of you.

Best of luck! Xx