feeling guilty after abortion @ 9 weeks

[Amydecay]

Hi all, I've been reading quite a lot of posts on this forum and I come here quite a lot for all kinds of advice. This is my first post and I'm using mobile, so I'm sorry if anything is wrong.

I'm 26 and I found out that I was almost 2 months pregnant. It was a complete accident, with someone that I've only been seeing for 5 months.

The abortion only happened two weeks ago and I took the pills. I had really bad morning sickness for around three weeks, I was throwing up all day and could barely work for the last week. (I had to wait two weeks for an appointment.) I was aching, tired and grumpy.

I didn't feel financially stable, emotionally ready and stable enough in my relationship to have a baby. I also suffer from really bad anxiety and panic disorders, which make me paranoid that any children I have will suffer the same problems.

The day after the abortion happened, I felt relieved and physically better in every way. For a few days I felt good, then all of a sudden I just burst into tears. I can't stop feeling guilty and feeling like I made a selfish choice.

I'm crying over everything and I'm struggling to sleep. I can't get the thoughts out of my head. I think it's worse because I wasn't thinking clearly and when my abortion was happening, I flushed the foetus down the toilet. I feel like I should have buried it or something, but then I don't know if that would have been right either... because I'm the one who killed the baby.

It all feels so complicated. I always swore to never have children because of my anxiety and feeling like cursing a child with that would be cruel. Now I don't know what I've done.

My partner is 41 and has children from a previous relationship, he was fully supportive of my choice. But I don't feel like he is supporting me now that the abortion is done and I don't know how to ask him for comfort. Mostly that's because I don't know what will make me feel better or help me think clearly.

My mum was supportive, but she kept making snide comments about killing babies and how I clearly wasn't being careful. I feel too ashamed to talk to anyone else.

I appreciate any advice. Thank you.

First off, I wish I could give you a big hug!
I've never had an abortion myself but I can understand why it's such a heavy decision. Sounds like you were fully justified in your reasoning for it so keep reminding yourself of that.
I'm sure it will get easier in time and you'll stop feeling guilty and come to terms with your decision, it was right for you.
Maybe there is someone your doctor can put you in contact with for a bit of counselling if that would help x

I'm sorry, I should add that the actual abortion happened when I was a full 2months pregnant. I had known for almost three weeks, in which time I had lots of time to think over things.

Totally agree with above poster you made the right decision for you at this time in your life. You should not feel guilty for that. Your mothers words are pretty awful tbh if she is making comments about killing babies that will of course be impacting on your feelings now. I work in contraception and I've seen it fail and refer ladies for terminations. Please go easy on yourself, just because you made a decision does not mean you can't feel guilt, sadness or any other emotion there is no right or wrong way to feel. If these feelings continue please talk to someone, explain to DP that just because it's done and just because it was your decision doesn't mean it won't effect you xxx

Don't beat yourself up, you did what you felt was right for you. You need to give yourself time for the hormones to settle. You didn't 'kill the baby' because at 9 weeks it is not a fully formed baby, you have a choice and you chose, you need to give yourself some time to adjust and move on. If you need to remember it, rather than a burial you could plant some flowers and say goodbye. I'm sure it was difficult for your partner too but he will probably find it easier to move on once you have come to terms with it

Be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. You made what what you thought was the right decision for you. You sound like a thoughtful person who thought the decision through.

You have a tough time of it and hormones are probably still settling etc. Give it some time.

Can't believe your mum's unhelpful comments.

Sometimes an outside perspective can help - have you considered seeking counselling? (Didn't mean that in a harsh way, just know it helps to talk it over and discuss what you're feeling). Wish I could give you a big hug, your hormones will also be going a bit crazy even though you were only 2 months along. Reach out to your partner and mum and say you're struggling to come to terms with it and that you'd really appreciate their additional support during this difficult time. It's a big thing to go through and it's okay to be emotionally distraught. If your mum's making you feel silly for messing up contraception wise , know that people from all walks of life including the supposedly smartest people in our societies (doctors, lawyers, judges, etc) end up with unplanned and often unwanted pregnancies more often than you could ever imagine. My mum's a midwife and she had 2 (one who passed away in utero when she was in her twenties and my little brother)!