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Original poster

Abortion upset

16 replies

katiecakes123 · 13/07/2018 21:17

Hey everyone! Am new to here but would really appreciate some advise on this matter.
A few months ago I found out I am expecting a baby with my partner.
It all came as a complete shock, but I never contemplated the thought of abortion. Even though it was so unexpected, both partner and I are so very happy and excited.
Both partner and I have full time jobs, drive and have money saved up and are planning to put a deposit on a house very soon. (We are 21 y/o)
We both are uninteresting in partying anymore and we can't wait to start our new little family.
I have chosen wisely who I have broken this surprising, but lovely news to. Everyone has been so lovely and supportive and have mentioned how capable we are of achieving this and how lovely and exciting it is.
Now I chose not to tell one of my 'best friends' until now, as she has been very judgmental in the past.
She is a sweet girl but very opinionated and has everything provided for her as in her parents pay for her rent, car, uni and give her £800+ a week for uni food/pleasure money. She also calls herself a devout christian, which is nice as I would also class myself as a christian too in some ways.
I rang her yesterday to explain I was pregnant and she said she would drive over today to speak about things. She arrived today and gave me a big hug which I found reassuring. However it became clear she was only being nice because she felt sorry for me.
As soon as she realized she had got the wrong end of the stick and that she wasn't round to 'help speak about abortion' , she decided to state that it was an awful idea, that she thought I was a very silly girl and that I had ruined my life. She said my partner would probably be a bad father and that we would both be better off just getting a termination and carrying on our lives. She started picking holes in my life and said she feared the baby would in fact be taken away as we wouldn't be a stable family as we are not married, then decided to sprout absolute nonsense that baby 'probably already has a disability' due to me being on antibiotics a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant. Such bizarre nonsense. I quickly explained to her that I found her outburst very rude and upsetting, I would never say such a thing even if I thought it the worst idea in the world!
Explained that partner and I love each-other very much and will do everything and anything for our baby. Also that if worst came to worst and we broke up, it does not mean the end of our world for our child. I see many capable single parents or parents who have divorced and still parent their children brilliantly and their children do not feel less loved at all!
She then became quiet, looked very awkwardly at her phone and then said 'well will I be godmother then!?'
Opinions would be greatly appreciated lovelies.

Lots of love x

OP posts:
Stephisaur · 13/07/2018 21:43

Your ‘friend’ sounds like a bit of a cow. If she isn’t supportive of you, you don’t need her in your life right now.

Congratulations on your pregnancy :) I’m glad that your partner and you are excited! X

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 13/07/2018 21:47

She also calls herself a devout christian, which is nice as I would also class myself as a christian too in some ways.

The last time I checked the average Christian is not pro abortion.

ThinkingCat · 13/07/2018 23:10

It sounds like she just automatically assumed that you would react like she would evidently would react. She should have said something like 'How do you feel about it?' rather than jumping to the wrong conclusion. Perhaps you need to spend less time with her and more time with more mature friends.

Hjkillas · 13/07/2018 23:33

Shame on her she sounds jealous!

Congratulations on your news! Sometimes getting pregnant or giving birth really highlights exactly which 'friends' we DONT need x

SamanthaH92 · 13/07/2018 23:40

I don't think she sounds like a very good friend OP but you may well find that once you have the baby the majority of your friends dissapear so she may not be there in the long run. Not saying this happens to everyone but happened to me and a few mums I've met. Congratulations op xx

Dvg · 14/07/2018 04:24

:S Her reaction seems very odd coming from a friend ... what you do has nothing to do with her!

Plus most people arnt married when they have children, its just how life goes and if she was christian she would be trying to get you to marry your partner not get an abortion but then she does sound a bit unhinged being so involved in a friends life.

Kingsclerelass · 14/07/2018 05:00

She sounds extremely immature and most likely just spouting her mother’s lectures. I expect She’ll either be very interested all the way through your pregnancy or she’ll disappear fairly swiftly.

If you and your partner are happy to be expecting then your pregnancy should be a cause for celebration among all your friends.
Congratulations Wine

differentnameforthis · 14/07/2018 05:24

She is totally wrong in all respects and any person who said those things about my baby/child would not be in their lives for long.

She isn't a very good friend of she can say stuff like that, op. Certainly isn't best friend material.

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 14/07/2018 05:44

Some people believe others are incapable of having different views and opinions to themselves.

I was 19 when I fell pregnant and was no where near as mature as you sound. We managed and although we lost some friends along the way the ones who are still around meant so much more. It was hard at the time but now dd is 9 she has a lovely relationship with my 2 best friends. We have put up with judgement from so called friends and strangers but it's made us stronger and more confident in our parenting.

Personally I would distance myself a little and when you see her make it perfectly clear you won't stand for her judgements otherwise she may voice her strong opinions on all the decisions for your baby. What birth method/pain relief, Breast/bottle feeding, sahm/nursery are the big ones that people like to voice their opinions on.

twiglet · 14/07/2018 06:12

By the sounds of it you're a lot more mature than her and whilst I don't think it's wrong to have the conversation of are you sure with a close friend or family it doesn't sound like she has done this.
Instead she's projected her own thoughts and beliefs onto you especially in the marriage part and followed it up with hurtful comments.
I had an are you sure and have you considered the logistics of the future with a close friend years ago when we were both at uni and I don't think that these conversations are bad to ask what you're thoughts are and also to be able to support friends either through a pregnancy or through a termination (and afterwards). But there are definitely ways to do it which is not really what she did.
Did she apologise for it? Whilst she can hold her own views picking holes in your life and saying your partner won't make a good father is definitely overstepping the mark.
I would give yourself some space from her if she asks what's wrong etc I would explain that you're still hurt by her and need some time.

Sammyham88 · 14/07/2018 06:51

Devout christian? Confused pro abortion and a complete judgemental arse, she sounds lovely...

She isn't a good friend, she isn't even a friend if this is her reaction and starts tearing your partner, relationship and choices to pieces, I'd ignore her completely from now on and be glad you to be rid of her.

Bibijayne · 14/07/2018 07:08

After all that and she expects to be godmother?

No, just no.

Avoid her for a few weeks - see if she changes her tune (she may be in shock and she is clearly very immature). It sounds like you and your partner have this all worked out!

HidCat · 14/07/2018 07:22

@katiecakes123 it sounds like she's been raised with very old fashioned values, probably projected by overbearing parents. Everything she said is the sort of thing my Nan would say. I also have a friend who no longer speaks to her Mum for raising the same opinion. It doesn't make her a bad friend, just makes things more difficult. She obviously didn't think there was another option and that's probably down to her upbringing. Give her a chance to get her head around it and take it from there. If she continues to be judgemental then consider stepping out of the friendship but if she eases off then it could be the start of a new chapter in her life too. With the Godmother thing, I'd say you won't choose Godparents until later and then she has a chance to earn it.

Yakadee · 14/07/2018 15:24

Congratulations! I can't believe a 'friend' would say this. You obviously know what you want and are very happy about this pregnancy - plus, who is she to judge! I hope she isn't going to be the god mother (unless she seriously sorts herself out).

I say good luck to you and your new baby - you sounds like you have a lot of love and sense - I'm sure you'll make lovely parents x

emma911030 · 14/07/2018 15:37

She doesn't sound like a very good friend to me if I'm honest.
I agree with another poster on here, she really should have asked how you felt about the situation rather than assuming and assuming incorrectly.

The cheek to say about being god mother after telling you you've ruined your life!

Although I know it's easier said than done I'd have liked to think I'd have calmly and politely asked her to leave before telling her that under no circumstances will she be godmother to this child nor any other further children you may have in the future.

She's not worthy of your friendship in my eyes, friends support not drag others down!

IncyWincyMouseRat · 14/07/2018 19:43

She sounds like a bitch. Drop her and enjoy your pregnancy!

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