Are baby showers a thing?

[Daisy228]

Hello,

I have been asked by friends and family whether or not i'm having a baby shower. Those family members of the older generation aren't used to the concept but are asking none-the-less and the younger (circa 30 yrs old) almost assume it's happening due to it being the 'norm' when looking at any form of social media.

It would be nice to have one but it's quite a bit of pressure for others to plan. Part of me really isn't that bothered but the other part of me would quite like one seeing everyone else around me having something organised for them. Can you organise your own?

What did others do?

TIA :)

It seems to have become the norm in recent years but it wasn't ten years ago when I had mine I don't think.

Im waiting for the anti baby shower cavalry to arrive at this post 😂

If you really want one have one.

We are here! I hate baby showers. Tacky, grabby, Americanized.

Well. They are a "thing" now, but more in some social circles than others. I've never been to one, for instance, and if anyone had asked me if I wanted one I'd say no.

If they are had, I think the etiquette from the US should be followed and you shouldn't throw your own, or charge your guests to come. The problem is that it clashes with existing etiquette here where people bring gifts after the birth, so a lot of people end up feeling they have to give twice.

Thank you everyone!

It just seems as though everyone around me is having them. It definitely took me by surprise when people were quite taken aback when I said I wasn't sure if i'd be having one as if it were an assumed thing. I understand completely that there may be pressure for people to give twice and I would hate for people to feel like that.

Selfishly who wouldn't want a celebration of the coming of their new baby? However, my friends aren't hugely interested (i'm the first to have a baby) so I probably would just leave it as it might be slightly awkward.

Did anyone have a small celebration/gathering after baby was born?

I think it's nicer to having a gathering a few weeks after the baby has arrived personally

Each to their own.

I hate being of attention and feel it's very Americanised just like 'graduating primary school' and every school year having a 'prom'.

But then maybe I'm a miserable sod who hasn't loved with the times

Never had one with my previous two so wouldn't cross my mind to have one this time.

If you want one then have one - nothing wrong with arranging it yourself if that's what you'd like.

You celebrate your baby / future family how you like - don't feel pressured to have one or not have one by anyone.

@Daisy228 personally we celebrated with friends / family at our DD and DS christenings when they were a few months old.

I feel like, if you have one, it's something that's organised for you by friends/family, rather than something you organise yourself - that's just my opinion though.

I didn't have one, I would have hated it, but I did organise an afternoon tea "shower" for my sister when she was expecting her first (I checked with her first!).

I had one that my sister organised for me, I enjoyed it alot as I don't live in my home town anymore I so I don't get to see my close friends and family that often so it was nice to be able to see them all together before the baby comes. We just had food and played games, chilled in the garden as weather was lush and caught up with old friends. Everyone did buy something for the baby but I did make it clear that it wasn't a must as I didn't want anyone to feel put out. Baby girl was spoilt tho

Everyone around me is having them (I’m 30) and I’m happy to celebrate with others if they want one, but won’t be having one myself. I find it a bit uncomfortable to celebrate the birth of a baby who isn’t yet here safely, but maybe that’s a bit of morbid anxiety on my part. I think better to save the presents and celebrations for when baby is here.

I also prefer hosting your own post-birth get together - we had a garden party for friends and family.

Nothing stopping people from arranging a pre-birth get together as well and just keeping it low key and avoiding the word "shower", but to me a shower comes off as having watched too much American TV and spent way too much time on social media, and the US has a fairly clear protocol around them to avoid people feeling too extorted/ripped off (never throw your own, never charge to attend, low key hosting at home, showers only for first babies).

Shower is short for' shower with gifts' which is why you really shouldn't! organise your own (because that's where it tips into 'gimme'). But you could host your own non-shower party, or a party once the baby is here.

I'm in the wait-until-baby-is-here camp generally, but I don't see anything wrong with throwing a shower for someone. Bit off to host your own though.

I'm really grateful for the advice everyone :)

I'm not keen to organise one myself for exactly the reasons pointed out. I never really thought about the definition of a 'shower' in this context - I don't want people thinking I want a shower of gifts - the Grannies have sorted that out already :)
I actually have a close friend who had originally wanted to plan something but tells me she is too busy now which is absolutely fine.

I really like the sound of something after the baby is born - I guess it means that everyone can see baby at once. It makes a lot of sense! Arrival of happy and healthy baby boy and then celebrations! I also want my husband to be very much part of this.

I'm doing a 'before the baby arrives' bbq and saying specifically no presents and that it's a get-together rather than a baby shower. I see it as a nice excuse to have my friends together and host them before a baby makes that more difficult, without the gift pressure. An option maybe?

I'm planning on having one after DD is here. Then everyone can meet her and I can have a glass of wine or two!!

We had a pre-baby gathering, with friends, organised as our last chance to go out sans baby for the foreseeable. We had a lovely Sunday lunch out. People bought things, which I felt awful about, as it wasn't the intention at all! It was a lovely afternoon though, one of my friends organised a couple of games, which I knew nothing about, but was good fun too.

I think the success of a baby event really depends on how it’s done.

I’ve been to one where it was a big present grab, we basically sat round a table of crisps whilst M2B opened all the gifts then once done essentially said thanks and we could go now she had plans in anoon!

Equally I went to another where the organisers (not M2B) organised loads of games, food, and strictly advised anyone coming if they wished to bring a little gift they were welcome but it wasn’t expected and if they did please keep it

It’s American, not British. We’re not the grabby attention seeking sort. I don’t like the concept of ‘baby registries’ demanding certain gifts from people and I personally loathe being the centre of attention so it’s really not for me at all.

I don’t like them and didn’t have them.

Always err on the side of caution me.

Better for a baby to be safely delivered first, then party after imo.