Second Hand Smoke

[anxiousman]

I make a point of keeping my pregnant Mrs away from sources of dangers. But it turns out that in a moment of stupidity I was smoking a cigar outside and she was around, not all the time. I don't actually smoke normally (only very very special occasions) and was trying to avoid her. Wandering around park with a friend. She kept her distance while I caught up with a friend.

But expecting that she kept away, it turns out she could often smell the cigar and I know this sounds crazy, but don't think I have experience anxiety and stress like this. The thought of harming her and our child, has put me into a total funk, and also working so hard and knowing better. I feel like a fool, a complete tool and now I'm anxious and obsessed that I may have harmed our baby in the womb. So I'm really worried about this level of exposure. Yes its a one off, but it drives me to the point where I cannot think or focus on anything but the wellbeing of our child (7 months in the womb). She has tried to put my mind at rest and put it in context and I'm a bit angry she didn't give me feedback because I would stop immediately. I feel so wretched and awful. I cannot focus on anything.

I think you are beating yourself up a little too much about this, I highly doubt a one off where your wife didn't directly inhale any smoke will of caused any danger at all too your child, pregnancy is a really anxious time but try and chill out a bit as I imagine your worrying will have more chance of having an impact on the pregnancy (by stressing your wife out!) than the smoke. Don't worry and just take it as a life lesson to stop the smoking

Oh bless you, please try not to worry. I am 6 months pregnant and have been in a couple of situations where I was around smokers and felt awkward about making a big deal about it so I stuck it out. I too then got myself het up that I may have caused some damage. I have looked into this fairly extensively and from what I can see, a few occasions of being around second hand smoke are not going to do anything to the baby. Remember some women even continue to smoke through their pregnancies (and although there absolutely are risks associated with that)a lot of people who do go on to have healthy babies. Your partner just being close enough to smell your cigar on just that one occasion is not going to have done anything bad. I recognise your anxiety, I have had the same since being pregnant...I think it is the sheer magnitude of being responsible for growing a life. Please try and relax.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2263002-Worrying-one-occasion-exposure-to-second-hand-smoke

If this link works...it takes you to an older post from here from someone with a similar concern...

Thanks. Its hard to relax. I've been having sleepless nights worrying and reading up research. Even the Mrs has tried to get e to relax, but until my little one is here and safe, I feel tremendously anxious. So he was around for about an hour two, and now I'm reading research papers on second hand smoke, but I just cannot find anything to put this in perspective.

Your anxiety seems all consuming and a little irrational (I mean that in the nicest way possible and not patronising). My anxiety regarding harming my unborn child has been very irrational...I used an electric blanket early on...just once...and I convinced myself so hard that I had just the baby I couldn't eat or sleep. I look back at that now and wonder what the hell I got so worried about. If you get worried about all the things that could pose a slight risk you would end up never leaving the house. Babies are so well protected and think bacl to years ago...when many more people smoked in restaurants and bars etc. So many of our generation would have been exposed to smoke and second hand smoke yet we are fine. I was worried about the fact I had drunk before finding out I was pregnant...and when I spoke to friends for advice they often told me their mums smoked and drank through the whole pregnancy. Google and internet research can be useful but can also be scaremongering which is your worst enemy when you are anxious. Have you tried speaking to your partner's midwife about your concerns? That is what she is there for, she is the expert and I am sure she could help to put your mind at rest?

This is not a healthy level of anxiety. Have you had issues before?

Your best bet is to have a chat to your GP about this.

I think I do have a high level of health anxiety. So it's really unusual behaviour to even be near smoke. I really do suffer from a bit of OCD so I pretty much avoid all unhealthy behaviour.

I think you are simply (quite naturally), anxious about your wife’s first pregnancy, and, as you have a bit of a history of anxiety, you just happened to have focused in on the cigar smoke as an issue. You could just as easily have got in a panic if she’d had a glass of wine or eaten unpasteurised cheese or whatever.
Can I reassure you, that as a doctor, I do not consider your baby at any risk whatever from one very diluted whiff of outdoor cigar smoke?
The problem here is not the smoke, it’s your anxiety. You need help with this, before baby arrives, because otherwise you’ll be frantic every time it sneezes or has a mild temperature! Have a look online - there are lots of resources for self help programs, which will be faster than waiting for a referral to a counsellor. You could also ask your GP - some practices have their own attached counsellor, but the waiting list can be long.
Please don’t drive your wife potty with your worries - she has enough to cope with, being pregnant in this hot weather! Good luck, OP, and I wish you well for a safe delivery and a relaxed and calm approach (as much as possible!) to being a new dad.

My wife is now at 37 weeks and it looks like our baby is a bit smaller, at around 2.1kg and this is considered a small baby. Obviously I'm now more worried then ever.

One thing that could be an issue is some neighbours smoke from the woman who smokes that comes in from time to time. So now I'm blaming myself for this. This just feels like a kind of hell. I thought I could get through the cigar thing, but now that I know there is some issue with baby size, I'm killing myself with guilt my mrs not being that health conscious could have trapped some neighbours smoke in the apartment. So actually all this while she could have been exposed to more second hand smoke then I initially thought possible from the occasional wind blowing the smoke in or a still day.

I'm mortified, that I cannot do enough to protect her and baby.

You really do need to get this into perspective. Please go and speak to your GP. He will reassure you there's nothing to worry about and you've done nothing wrong.

What your wife and baby need most is you to be calm and capable. You have a busy time ahead so please see a doctor and get some help to manage your anxiety. Don't let your fear spoil what should be a lovely special time.

OP some babies are naturally small regardless of what happens. As a PP stated go and speak to your GP about your anxiety as it is not at a normal level. Having a such a high level will infringe on your relationship with your wife, and on your child's development as they grow.

Agree with the other posts...this is not a normal or maintainable level of anxiety. Also....I am 31 weeks and having regular growth scans. Baby is a good size....every day our neighbour smokes in her courtyard and at night I smell it coming in through our bedroom window. Not great I know but it hasn't really crossed my mind to be worried about that and it hasn't made my baby small. There are so many reasons for a small baby...the likelihood of it being to do with either of the second hand smoke instances you are worried about is so unlikely. When I was worried about having potentially blinded my little one with a torch (yep!) I spoke to a consultant who really settler my irrational mind. Maybe see if you can do that?

Please go seek help with your GP. That level of anxiety is not good, especially when the baby is here you won't be able to protect it from everything

Here's some perspective (and before I start I am in no way supporting smoking during pregnancy, or around people who are pregnant).

We do not have a shortage of people in their 50s and beyond. I can guarantee that practically every one of their mothers either smoked, or were exposed to second-hand smoke - in the home, at work, in pubs, restaurants, on the train, on the bus, in the Underground, on planes - basically everywhere. That's how ubiquitous smoking was. Yes, we know better now, and things have changed - but it gives you an idea of the nature of risk.

Please do have a chat with your doc about your anxiety, you must be feeling so awful and stressed, which is not good for you!

You really do need to get your levels of anxiety under control otherwise it will only get worse once your baby is here and it won’t be fair on your wife and child to be so highly-strung all the time.

FurryDogMother That's a very good way to explain it.

It's good to hear some different perspectives, because googling I am literally terrified. I think the combination of myself feeling somewhat violated by the smoke and the smaller weight has made me really rather anxious about these things.

I guess the difficulty is understanding the level of risk or harm or thinking that I have not done enough and maybe the mrs has been too relaxed about these things and that I should do and have done more to keep her away from harm.

Hello

I think your anxiety is natural but please speak to your GP or a trained professional about it if you are really worried.

To put things in perspective, I work in the city and have a 10 min walk from the station to the office every day and I walk behind at least 5 walking smokers. I see loads of other pregnant women around so they must face the same problem. I try and avoid them when I can but it’s not always possible.

The other day a man lit up a blunt on the bus with no thought for anyone else. I tried to shield myself but it can’t always be avoided.

Best of luck and please do seek professional guidance if needed!

I had a week of calm but flipped out today, because we went to restaurant and were outside and despite trying to move and we did a couple of times, always there was a smoker. In the end the mrs refused to move towards the end of the meal. I'm totally stressed out by this, and cross at her, because I really cannot cope with the anxiety around smokers now. Before I was agnostic, but now, I'm angry, frustrated and just so anxious.

You need to talk to someone about this anxiety as it's really disproportionately and is obviously having a huge strain on your own health as well as your relationship with your partner. It's an irrational anxiety so I don't think anyone here will be able to put your mind at rest, no matter how many times we tell you not to worry. It's obviously becoming an obsession and I think you need some professional support to deal with it. Believe me, there are much more things to worry about!