It isn’t your fault at all. I’ve learnt that myself. I had an extremely early miscarriage, it was probably 2-3 weeks into it. I didn’t even know I was pregnant, I just thought it was my period. The only reason I found out was because my period only lasted 2 days and was extremely heavy, I’m never usually that heavy. I then had spotting a couple days later and I took a test and it came back positive, then for the week after that I continuously did tests and they were negative so I contacted my nurse and she said it was a miscarriage due to my pill. At the time I was still taking it because I wasn’t aware I was pregnant at all.
I blamed myself all the time, and although multiple people have told me there was nothing I could do, and it’s just that my body wasn’t ready, and it wasn’t the right time, I will STILL continue blaming myself because I feel like it was my fault. Part of me knows it wasn’t, but also I feel like if I wasn’t taking that pill, I could have had a baby.
You’re going to grieve, it’s normal, and you may even experience it at silly times. One day you’ll just be doing something and it’ll remind you and if you need to, cry. Let it out because hiding it is the worst thing.
My boyfriend didn’t even believe me when I said I was pregnant, never mind when I said I’d lost it. He was so in denial he constantly told me it wasn’t possible and that the test was a false positive. So having to deal with it alone was the worst thing for me. Your boyfriend can’t blame you. It isn’t your fault, it’s nobody’s fault. It just wasn’t your time, and one day it will be. I promise you one day you’ll have a successful pregnancy and I know this probably isn’t useful advice, but I’m just trying to help.
I really hope that one day you have a beautiful baby and a happy pregnancy x