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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Is it my fault?

16 replies

JustWokeUp · 09/07/2018 01:08

I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks. The £1 tests were coming out negative so I splashed out on a clear blue £7 test. Me and my boyfriend were over the moon. But 6 weeks in I start bleeding in the middle of the night fresh red blood. I had sever pains and told my work I cannot come in, they were really cruel about it. I decided I wont go back after this ordeal. However, my Gp referred me to a EPU and they confirmed I have had a miscarriage. Now my boyfriend is blaming me for this miscarriage saying I didnt take care of myself. I asked the nurse why my miscarriage happened and she said it is so common and having a baby is a miracle. My boyfriend, who I no longer speak to since my miscarriage date is still blaming me. Was it my fault? Something I ate? I FEEL SO CRAP.

OP posts:
Bouledeneige · 09/07/2018 01:19

No it's not your fault. It's nature. And it really couldn't be your fault unless you'd been boxing, skiing or fallen off a horse at a late stage of pregnancy.

Your BF is an ignorant dick and not fit to be a father. Steer clear of him. Forever.

A lot of people have a lot of miscarriages - it's not anyone's fault. I had 2, one late stage.

RNaoxx · 09/07/2018 01:19

It’s not your fault at all!! And he is so incredibly wrong for blaming you! It’s horrible but most of the time there’s absolutely no reason for it and it absolutely cannot be helped. Please please listen to him and definitely don’t blame yourself! If people had any control over miscarriages then they wouldn’t happen at all! Thinking of you at such a hard time xxxx

RNaoxx · 09/07/2018 01:19

That was meant to say please don’t listen to him xxx

QueenCity · 09/07/2018 01:20

No! Your boyfriend is being very cruel and I'm sorry that you are not only having to deal with losing your baby but also with an unsupportive partner. This is NOT your fault. Miscarriages are,sadly, very common. The Miscarriage Association has a helpline that you can call and talk things over with if you think that may help. Your boyfriend is grieving too but this doesn't excuse him blaming you.

Singlenotsingle · 09/07/2018 01:22

That's just silly. It's nature's way of getting rid of something that isnt forming properly. Apparently it's very common to lose a pregnancy at an early stage. It's no one's fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't blame yourself

Carecomplet · 09/07/2018 01:23

I am very sorry to read about your miscarriage Flowers An incredibly high number of pregnancies end in a miscarriage. It wasn't your fault and I am so sorry for your loss.

I agree with PP - Your BF is an ignorant dick and not fit to be a father. Steer clear of him. Forever.

If you stay with him, he's likely to blame you for other stuff which isn't your fault too. This is a massive red flag.

Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself xx

JustWokeUp · 09/07/2018 01:27

U guys are so sweet. GOD BLESS X i hope it gets easier

OP posts:
LEMtheoriginal · 09/07/2018 01:29

It wasnt your fault. It simply wasnt meant to be.

He is greiving as are you but that does not give him the right to lash out at you. I couldn't forgive him in your dhoes and id have to move on.

I am so sorry for your loss

JustWokeUp · 09/07/2018 01:33

I cannot be more thankful of the amount of love and support ive recieved. Things make more sense. I appreciate each and every comment I am a newbie withi this site sorry but I am really thankful for ur replies xxx

OP posts:
RoboJesus · 09/07/2018 01:55

Its not your fault. Unless you were heavily drinking or smoking, doing drugs, are massively overweight or have certain conditions at that stage it just means the baby was never viable. Nothing you could have done would have changed anything. Nothing you ate would affect it. It sounds like you're better off without that guy.

Annalogy · 09/07/2018 02:16

Be easy on yourself, there's nothing that you could've done. Unfortunately at this stage, it's just nature doing her job.

As for your OH, a simple Google should be able to educate him and hopefully stop him from being such an ignorant arsehole.

JustWokeUp · 09/07/2018 03:31

Thanks guys X

OP posts:
NovemberPink · 09/07/2018 04:08

It isn’t your fault at all. I’ve learnt that myself. I had an extremely early miscarriage, it was probably 2-3 weeks into it. I didn’t even know I was pregnant, I just thought it was my period. The only reason I found out was because my period only lasted 2 days and was extremely heavy, I’m never usually that heavy. I then had spotting a couple days later and I took a test and it came back positive, then for the week after that I continuously did tests and they were negative so I contacted my nurse and she said it was a miscarriage due to my pill. At the time I was still taking it because I wasn’t aware I was pregnant at all.

I blamed myself all the time, and although multiple people have told me there was nothing I could do, and it’s just that my body wasn’t ready, and it wasn’t the right time, I will STILL continue blaming myself because I feel like it was my fault. Part of me knows it wasn’t, but also I feel like if I wasn’t taking that pill, I could have had a baby.

You’re going to grieve, it’s normal, and you may even experience it at silly times. One day you’ll just be doing something and it’ll remind you and if you need to, cry. Let it out because hiding it is the worst thing.

My boyfriend didn’t even believe me when I said I was pregnant, never mind when I said I’d lost it. He was so in denial he constantly told me it wasn’t possible and that the test was a false positive. So having to deal with it alone was the worst thing for me. Your boyfriend can’t blame you. It isn’t your fault, it’s nobody’s fault. It just wasn’t your time, and one day it will be. I promise you one day you’ll have a successful pregnancy and I know this probably isn’t useful advice, but I’m just trying to help.

I really hope that one day you have a beautiful baby and a happy pregnancy x

SuperSange · 09/07/2018 06:51

I'm so sorry about your baby. As others have said, it's really common in the early stages, but it doesn't make it less heartbreaking for you.

However, I wouldn't bother trying to educate your bf. He's a grade a twat, you'd be better off without him. 💗

BertieBotts · 09/07/2018 07:07

Ditch the boyfriend. You don't need somebody so horrible and uncaring in your life especially if you're looking to have children.

I'm so sorry you've had a miscarriage, it brings up such emotions. It's nothing that you've done. People can "take care of themselves" perfectly and stick to every guideline and still miscarry. Other people do everything "wrong" and still have healthy pregnancies. It's not your fault - some pregnancies just don't stick. About one in five, apparently.

xJune88 · 09/07/2018 07:14

It is not your fault AT ALL. I've had 2 and lived regiously by the guidelines and it still didn't work where as my friends have carried babies and given birth eating all the chocolate, caffeine in the world. One didn't even know she was pregnant and got drunk ALOT. Unfortunately life can be just shit some times. It is nothing to do with you!!!! Take care xx

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