Miscarriage

[Vlcky90]

Hi all

You may have read about my mmc and I was just wondering whether anybody had any advice on coping mechanisms?

I had a miscarriage in January too and I think I’m many ways getting pregnant again sort of helped with the last ones o this time it feels like I’m grieving both all over again.

So far I seem to write a lot of poems, I think it’s a way to vent. I know there isn’t a miracle solution and I tell myself things could be worse but it doesn’t seem to work. I can’t bare the thought of hyperemesis again just to lose another one at 9wks. They won’t do any tests because I haven’t had 3 and basically just said next time we may put you on asprin.

I just feel at a loss :(

I'm sorry for your loss. I had a mc too, there is a super suportive thread on the conception board. I will try to find a link

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3292817-TTC-after-pregnancy-loss-thread-23

There is also this one but I haven't been on it

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3145684-TTC-after-recurrent-miscarriage-thread-2-were-not-giving-up

Thank you, I’ll have a look, I didn’t think to look there.

Sorry for your loss x

I'm so sorry Vlcky90.

Having been there too I hear you. It's a transient feeling and will go away. I didn't have morning sickness but my similar feelings were with dealing with the anxiety only to lose another baby. I've since had two successful pregnancies and my kids are 6&9. It was a fair time ago but still remember that empty hollow feeling of the world moving around me but me standing still, in treacle not being able to move on.
I had no other issues or problems and time solved my problem and hope it will for you too- exercise and distraction worked for me, I also took agnus castus - I hope you can take some hope in the fact that me and many others just had to wait for 'the one' that worked
Good luck / are you seeing a miscarriage expert by the way? You could ask your GP to refer you to miscarriage clinic at your hospital if they have one nearby?

I just can’t even explain how I feel, my partner has two children and on both pregnancies I’ve had somebody close my due the same time. The first was my sister in law and this time it’s my partners daughters mother. I just don’t get why not me.

It’s reassuring to hear that others have gone on to have successful preganancies but because I have had two almost identical ones i can’t help thinking it’s something about me doing this to them. I asked at the hospital if they would start doing tests, even if it was just lipids but they refused until I have 3. I am going to go back to see my gp to see if he can help but I’m not hopeful.

I know it’s still fresh right now but I just can’t see how I can do this again, I already feel empty, like a part of my body has been chopped off.

I drank a shit load of wine and then got counselling.

I don’t recommend the former.

Well I haven’t smoked for ages and this time went straight to the fags not looking forward to trying to give them up again now 🙄

Right now tho, although I’ll care at some point, smoking is the least of my worries!

I had 2 mmc’s one after the other. Both between 8 and 9 weeks.

I have recently got a scan photo (pulled from archive) of my first baby and currently liaising with hospital.

I also now know what happened to the remains (they are cremated with other lost babies) and where the ashes were scattered

Being able to have a scan of my baby even though they’d passed and know where they are has helped me.

I am so very sorry for your losses

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. About a month after my miscarriage, when I'd felt a little better physically, I focussed on running again after about 3 years of doing no exercise. I'd read about being in good fitness helping in pregnancy so I just made that my focus and built up to exercising every day. It did help me through down days, I would just make myself go, and after at least I could feel good about having done a run, and not focussing on mc / ttc. It worked for me, so that would be my advice, find an exercise activity you can get into, spinning, swimming, classes, cycling etc

So sorry for your losses .

Everyone deals with miscarriage in very different ways. I had two MMC last year and for me, the fact I had had private scans early on with the second one and still had those pics at home made the pain worse. I refused to look at the screen when we discovered the heartbeats had stopped too and I don’t regret that. I had bought baby items the first time obviously not expecting to miscarry at all and again, seeing those when I got home was beyond painful and DP had to hide them away.

I didn’t cope with the pain is the easiest way to put it. I talked through it as much as I could, I chain smoked despite not smoking for a decade, I drank gin sometimes at midday... I really suffered and if I’m honest, despite the fact I am currently 22 weeks with a healthy little boy, the pain hasn’t fully gone and I still cry sometimes.

Miscarriage is rotten and difficult and sadly there’s no easy fix to move on from it. It does gradually get easier but I doubt it ever goes away fully as with any grief. The poems sound like a wonderful coping mechanism.

Thank you all.

I guess I’ve just got to find my own way through it and give myself some time before trying again. I’m going to try and see if there’s anything I can do to rule things out since both have happened at 9-10 weeks. My body just doesn’t seem to recognise them going because both have been silent miscarriages.

The poems do help me to release, I’ve submitted one today to a site, I have written so many I don’t know what to do with them, I’m keeping the ones most personal because I’d like to do something with them, I just don’t know what.

I’m sorry this is such a negative thread, there’s nobody else around me who knows that really gets it which is quite hard.

@peachesarenom thank you for the link, I’ve posted on there.

Hope you feel better soon Vicky, please don't apologise for thread, it's hard and talking about it helps so keep doing it

@sparking123 thank you

Feeling numb today - didn’t help that whilst in Asda as I went to go to the loo there was an empty pregnancy test on the floor and then whilst getting my eyes tested a young girl there talking about her pregnancy... you couldn’t write it honestly! Try and get myself out of the house and seems like it haunts me everywhere I go! I’m going Bk to work on Monday so hoping it will be a gd distraction. Managed to book a go appointment but not until August! And I have decided to radically change my hair next Friday if I don’t bottle it in between.

Thank you for the support everyone, I’ve noticed here and on the other thread there are positive stories in the end so I just hope that when I’m ready to try again I can be one of those positive stories for somebody else.