Ending relationship aged 36 but desperate for a baby.. anyone met love of life late and had baby?

[Sounsure777]

So i have a 6 yr old (dad walker out 5 yrs ago). I met my partner 3 years ago and hes stable dependable reliable, would never cheat etc but im not sure hes my mr right.. we bicker over silly things and i just dont feel we are right.. we dont make each other laugh etc.. feels like we are more bro and sis than best friends/soul mates. Plus a few other issues... he can be a little patronising and arrogant as well as a huffer in terms of making out like he "does so much for me" and im "lucky to have him".

But hes a great step dad and so much is right about him but im not sure i really love him deap down.. not sure i want to spend rest of my life with him.. he woulld like a baby in future and i really want one too but i cant shake the feeling im settling.

I will be 37 soon and im petrified if i end it i will regret it and i wint meet mr right or at least not in time for a baby :-/

Wwyd?

Anyone got any experience of staying in a relationship like this and any got any of leaving and finding true love late in life?

Not the same but a “late bloomer” story....

I got married at 30, almost 31, came off birth control with objective of “seeing what happened” - nothing happened in terms of a baby but husband had an affair after a year and i couldn’t forgive and forget so that was that....I’m 32 by this point.

Met up with old friend (quite a bit younger than me), started dating and actually fell in love, eventually moved in and again tried for a baby. After 2 years nothing so went down fertility investigation route, they found nothing but offered us IVF eventually.
This put a huge strain on relationship and eventually after 4 years we split up, very, very sad break up because we loved each other dearly.
So I’m 36 at this point and after 6 years of trying unsuccessfully for a baby with two men I’m pretty sure a baby will not be on the cards for me and I start to investigate adoption and single parent IVF via donation.

Join Tinder for a laugh and chat to loads of men, one guy makes me howl with laughter and seems so keen, also his photos are lovely! Go on a date, go on a few more, tell him I want a baby and that’s the key thing for me, he doesn’t run away screaming.

A year later, now 37, we just got back from our 2nd antenatal class and he made me dinner and now he’s cuddling the dog we adopted together and I’m uncomfortably laid on the sofa trying to manoeuvre my 32 week baby bump into a good position to watch Love Island.

I’ve romantised this a fair bit because of course inbetween all the amazing bits there have been some really dark and sad times but overall I wouldn’t change anything.

I knew I’d never love my husband the same way again after his affair and my 4 year relationship had lost its way and as much as I adored him and still care for him very much - it wasn’t enough and it wasn’t right.

Only you can make the decision but life can be very lonely when you’re in the wrong relationship- it doesn’t have to be horrid and toxic for you to leave, sometimes it’s just not enough. And that’s ok.

Wow grumpos thank u sooo much for sharing.. crongrats on ur happy ending. Your words about its ok to end a relationship bevause its just not enough and doesnt have to be toxic is good to hear as i often feel like i should just be happy and get on with it.. but if its not quite right...

I think that’s one of the most common mistakes we make, to believe there has to be something really wrong to feel justified in ending a relationship. In reality something IS wrong, it’s just not wrong in the way we are used to.
Guess it depends, it could be a rut and you just need something to perk it up?
What would be your overriding feeling if he came home tomorrow and said he’d met someone else? If, aside from shock, the underlying feeling would be relief...well that gives you your answer.
I had a boyfriend in my early 20s and he was horrible - really quite nasty but I found i couldn’t bring myself to leave bc we lived together and I’d moved away to be with him. One night I came home from work early and heard him on the phone talking to a friend about a girl he’d met that previous weekend and how amazing she was etc. Swear to god it was one of the happiest moments of my life!!! I had him packed up and out of that house in a matter of days.
Incidentally, they are still together. So alls well that ends well

Met my forever dh at 41and had ds at 43.. Don't settle for less than you truly deserve op.

Long one, forgive me -

I was in a relationship for 5 years between 25-30 and I loved him, he was my best friend and the chemistry was there, but something always told me it just wasn’t right (especially when we argued). He wanted to start a family with me but I knew I wanted to fall in love (that hadn’t really happened with us, we’d moved in together too quickly) and have the whole shebang so I eventually plucked up the courage to split up - thinking it wouldn’t be long before I met someone else and fell in love, etc, etc...

I didn’t expect to spend almost my entire 30s looking for my life partner but that’s how it worked out. Met lots of men and dated loads but there was always a mismatch with how much I was into the guy or vice versa. Internet dating and meeting blokes in real life were both part of this. As the years ticked by I became more and more panicked that I would never meet the right guy and that my fertility was leaving me rapidly and maybe I made the biggest mistake of my life leaving my ex (who by my late 30s was married with a kid, now has two). Comforted myself by thinking I can always adopt and that my children didn’t need to be biologically mine.

Anyway, fast forward to 39 (two days after my birthday) and I went on an internet date with the guy who turned out to be my fiancé. Pretty quickly fell completely in love with him (and vice versa thank goodness). He’d be my husband in a couple of months’ time except for the fact that we found out to our delight that we’re having a baby and decided to postpone the wedding. We have been blessed with the fact that we started TTC when I was 41 and it happened pretty quickly (like within 6 months). I’m now nearly 28 weeks and would still rather be looking at adoption than be with the wrong man. I truly believe that having kids with the wrong person could be so much lonelier than not having kids and having the right person by your side. But that’s just me - you need to follow your own gut in this.

Btw before I give the impression that I’m just one of those bloody annoying blessed people I’d just like to point out that I also got diagnosed with thyroid cancer at the same time as finding out I am pregnant. Two surgeries later I am expected to fully recover but it has been one hell of a rollercoaster and I truly feel like I’ve paid my dues to the gods of fate!!

Also, one of my best mates met her partner at 38, got pregnant at 39 and now has a gorgeous 3 month old boy. And she didn’t get ill! (But had some horrible pelvis pain)

Love your story too Grumpos! :)

Grumpos. Lovely cheery story.

Only popping on to say 36 isn't too late.
I started trying for a child at 36 (had been married a long time by then but hadn't wanted children). Ended up getting pregnant when I was 42. DD is fine and healthy, some good few years later.
I recently met a lady who had remarried later in life (41, I think), and she'd had her DD aged 45.

Walked away from long term relationship aged 35 after months of wondering if I should stay with him even though the relationship didn’t feel right. When I left I was convinced it was too late to meet someone else and have a family.

Nine months later met the love of my life, we’ve been together just over two years and our baby is due in December.

In hindsight I’m so glad I had the courage to leave, even though it was an extremely hard decision at the time.

Met now DH at 37, had DS1 at 38 (and DS4 at 43!).

When you get to that age you know who you are and what you want, so things are able to move more quickly and still be right if you see what I mean. There’s definitely still time for you.

Met DH at 34 and three quarters, now 39.5 and expecting our second DC in two months (awake with pregnancy insomnia now!) We did have DC1 before we got married in case of fertility issues with my age.

Me!

Tried for a baby since I was 20 with zero luck with then partners.

Met DH at 36, numerous ivf cycles later and FINALLY pregnant at 41.

Don't ever settle!

I met my exp at 37; had DS at 40. Was with ex, 8 years.
Not a happy ending, but I became a mum.

When I read your post I thought you were in a ltr with some one who was refusing to have kids.
I think you’d be a fool to leave without trying to improve your current relationship. Your dp, wants a child. You will unsettle your DS as he has only ever known your dp as a father figure.

So you want to be a single mum, with biological clock ticking because the solid, dependable man who wants to have a baby with you doesn’t make you laugh...?
Work on your current relationship, think about your child & don’t be so naive and a bit selfish

Whilst there will be happy stories, I think your chances of meeting someone new who will want to jump into trying for a baby quickly aren't that great. I'm 37 too and the sad reality is that men our age who want a baby will go for a woman who's 30 and give themselves a bit more time. They will also recognise someone who is looking to move fast a mile off and few find that appealing.
Don't stay in your unhappy relationship, try and find Mr Right, but make peace with the fact that another child may not be on the cards for you. At least you have one.

I ended a 9-year relationship in 2016. I fairly quickly started seeing a guy who I'd recently got to know. Now we're married and I'm 6 months pregnant. I'm 40. So it's not impossible :) However, the trick is in finding someone. But don't stay in a relationship just in case you might get a baby from it, it's not the way forward. Good luck xx