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Original poster

Is 3 children under 3 1/2 too many?

50 replies

tulip27 · 26/05/2007 10:20

Have just discovered I am pregnant with thrird child, it unplanned and I have dd who is one and ds who is 21/2. Is it possible to stay sane with son many small children?

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niceglasses · 26/05/2007 10:23

So by the time you have this one your one yr old will be about 20 months??

I have had this almost exact gap with my 3 and yes its bloody hard - especially the first 6 months with the newborn - you feel a bit tied to the house and feel like you are cheating the other two. However, I think it eases after the 1st six months - its all quite short term. Remember you are giving them a gift - another sibling.

Get as much help as you can int he first 6 mnths. And the best of luck.

Original poster
tulip27 · 26/05/2007 10:26

Thanks for such a positive message.Husband thinks it will be too much and not fair on currnet children due to lack of attention etc and wants me to ' not carry on the pregnancy' but that just breaks my heart. I'm trying to build up a case against it. I thought about getting a mothers help for a couple of months. Did you ever feel any doubt about the third?

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fillyjonk · 26/05/2007 10:30

awww tulip

will have 3 under 4.5 this time next year, ds 4.5, dd 2.7 so not quite the same. however my kids are home educated (though ds does 2 mornings at kindergartren-this isn't going to increase, I don't think) so I will have them all

here's what i am lining up

streamlining all food etc. am going to buy a freezer and USE it. I am going to see if my MIL will come and make us food for the freezer-she visits around every 6 weeks and its the kind of thing she likes to do

getting a car big enough to transport them, so i can get out of my house and descend on those friends who i can cry at

i am going to look into getting a Nice Lady to take the older kids out once a week or something

i am also going to sort the older kids sleeping, if possible, before the new baby arrives

these are just my thoughts. come onto the due in feb thread and let us all moan together (you'll need to bat away the tumbleweed first...)

fillyjonk · 26/05/2007 10:32

awww tulip, has he still not come around?

dp is saying the same re "not being fair"

he also wants this one to be a boy, as then dd, our more clingy child, will still be the only girl

i am not sure how much this matters but anyway, i can't do that to order

Original poster
tulip27 · 26/05/2007 10:37

Hey fillyjonk we have met before. I'm trying to get a case together to convince my husband to let me have this baby. I'm really glad to see all is working out for you. I'm just so petrified. dh said he would understand if I wanted to keep the baby although he thinks its the wrong thing to do. I'm so scared that without his full support I won't be able to cope I mean the current two children have me under their thumb. Most mornings I have one attached to each leg while I'm trying to get to a play date that we are half an hour late for and when I get there I realise that I havn't even brushed my hair. How will I manage with another? ......

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Original poster
tulip27 · 26/05/2007 10:39

How can we make it fair, we are pregnant, its happened now we either 'damage' the family by adding more to the group or damage ourselves by having to live with knowing we ended a pregnancy. How can we win? Have you told anyone your pregnant yet?

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lulumama · 26/05/2007 10:39

Tulip, you could look at having a postnatal doula to help...a PN doula is usually very flexible, will do things like cooking & some laundry & cleaning, to enable you to concentrate on the children...can be more flexible than other options.....

sorry that your DH is not being supportive

niceglasses · 26/05/2007 10:40

We did think about getting someone - a sort of 'mothers help' in the first few months especially as the 3rd was born at the very start of the schl holidays so had no outside care. Tbh in the end we didn't - we muddled (and it is a muddle) through - in retrospect it might have been a good idea. But we couldn't really afford it and my kids take ages to get to know anyone......I would consider it tho.

I hope you can talk your dp round. For all the hard work - as you know it is far and away worth it. 3 is a lovely number - the magic number so said De La Soul!

lulumama · 26/05/2007 10:40

but when the children are older, then you will reap the benefits of having them close together.......

fillyjonk · 26/05/2007 10:42

ohhh i know we've met before, tulip, thats why i clicked on the thread

is there ANY chance of hiring a mother's help or similar?

I am planning also to get a cleaner, which i cannot actually afford, but I CANNOT go through what I went through after dd was born again.

scorpio1 · 26/05/2007 10:43

you WILL manage, if its what you want.

use the local college-they often have students on childcare courses needing a home placement. i have had one-they are fab!and free!

also make use of your local hildrens centre-they offer home support, childcare, playgroups,etc.things to save your sanity!

is it ust the coping aspect, and is your dh/p worried about money,etc?we are ttc dc3 (4 th hild between us)and when it was first mentioned by me, he said no.i later found out its because he worried about ££. we sat down and did a budget sheet together, and he saw we could afford one more

please take time to think about this decision-there is no second chance try at it.

i really hope it works out for you. you can do it.

niceglasses · 26/05/2007 10:43

Now I look back I found the hardest thing was the feeling it was unfair on the other 2. I remember them watching too much telly that summer, bumbling around the house whilst I was stuck to the chair bfeeding ( I wanted to give her an odd bottle but she wouldn't bloody take it - just to free me up now and again).

However, now I know they don't even remember that - they have loads of summers where we can do lots of things together. I was just giving myself a hard time - so if thats a concern dismiss it.

fillyjonk · 26/05/2007 10:44

i am very very very worried about £££ too

we are going to have to extend the mortgage, which makes me want to cry as we have only just got to a point where there IS any equity on it

but

its life.

it'll all be ok in the end.

and it does give me an excuse to knit

Original poster
tulip27 · 26/05/2007 10:46

That doula website looks fab. I am sure I could weedle cash out of dh as I was due to start a university course in October and childcare for three years was going to be thirty five thousand so if he can find money for that then he bloody well can for a child. Sorry to be so angry I just can't believe I'm having to convince my husband to let me have our child, I mean this is crazy!

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scorpio1 · 26/05/2007 10:47

it will be ok in the end.you could go to nct nearly new sales, if there are any near you?also maternity grant can be up to £500, if youre eligible.

good luck!

Original poster
tulip27 · 26/05/2007 10:47

fillyjonk, you always seem so upbeat, send some of that my way xx

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Original poster
tulip27 · 26/05/2007 10:48

Will have to be nct sales I have given all baby clothes and toys away. anyone used a mothers help? Apparently only cost 200 hundreed a week ?

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scorpio1 · 26/05/2007 10:49

tulip, you sound like you know what you want-to keep your baby?

like you say, if he an find £35k for that then it wont cost that much for one more dc! you could go to uni when its a little older plenty of time! please do what your heart says.

scorpio1 · 26/05/2007 10:50

i just used a student from the college, i had her for 2 full days a week, free. she did cleaning, baby stuff, including feeding, making food/bottles, etc.

what about homestart?

Original poster
tulip27 · 26/05/2007 10:51

Uni is the furtest thing from my mind now. But can I do this , my husband said if the child for any reason was diabled he thinks he would resent it for ruining his life and me for having it, what a burden, its not like I could take it back and ask for a refund.What do I do if that happens and we end up alone? Me and three children?

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scorpio1 · 26/05/2007 10:53

If that happens, you will have plenty of support and you will do it for your child and ,tbh, be free of someone who obviously wouldnt be very good for you in that situation.

Original poster
tulip27 · 26/05/2007 10:55

Fillyjonk, any pregnancy symptoms yet?

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Original poster
tulip27 · 26/05/2007 10:55

Scorpio how did you manage to gat a student, what did you do?

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fillyjonk · 26/05/2007 10:56

tulip-IMO it IS your decision

I can see all sorts of ethical sixth form debaty type reasons why it should be his decision also, but in the Real World :

  1. To force you to terminate would be Wrong

  2. You are the one who will get 90% of the fallout in the first few weeks

  3. IMO, men do , or should make a choice to shag knowing that if it all goes pear shaped then they have little control over the outcome.

Thats my take on it. Its been a bit honed in the last week.

What will he do if you just say "well I am keeping it?" I mean, whats the worst case scenario? Will he leave?

Could you consider counselling? I would have thought that some of the abortion providers would offer impartial stuff-BPAS do, I think? I imagine you could take him along? or relate? (I KNOW there is a problem here because you can't take kids. I think that that is really short sighted of relate, tbh)

Nemo2007 · 26/05/2007 10:58

It is completely possible to stay sane!!! I havent read all the trhead but I have a 3.7yr old,17mths old and a 4mth old. They are fab and great with each other. I wont lie sometimes it can be a little stressful as my oldest wants to go out and do lots all the time, but generally it is actually quite easy and they are all similair ages and doing similair things.