Abandoned by my partner

[Petra86]

Hello fellow mums(-to-be),

I am a 32 year old woman, first time pregnant, at week 10. I got pregnant with a man I had been dating for 10 months when volunteering in a Buddhist monastery in Scotland, he is a practising Buddhist... However, after finding out about my pregnancy, he left for London where he is from, stopped communicating with me, refused to provide any form of support. His mum is a renowned midwife in South London, and yet even she has turned her back onto me, and I have little understanding why. Neither of us wanted to have children, however, we both knew that we were having unprotected sex, and we both agreed that abortion was not an option, especially due to living according to Buddhist values.

I have returned to my home country (Czech Republic) to settle here for my pregnancy and child birth and get some support from my family. The father of the child has blocked me on his phone, and does not react to any other form of communication. It is very painful for me as I have been in love with him and trusted him, he seemed like a very nice man during the time we'd been together. I am clueless as to what to do now. For the sake of the baby, I'd love for him to be in contact as the father. Yet I know I can't force him. I don't know whether I can contact his mum and ask her for some explanation of their withdrawal... I don't know whether I should just let go and give up hope, how to proceed... Also in terms of future financial support because I am in no way secured financially. Should I just hand in my case to lawyers? It's a sad situation, and I'd like to hear your advice, opinions and experience.

Thank you very much for any replies in advance :)

Petra

Hi Petra,

I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. I would get lawyers involved especially due to requiring financial support. Sadly, I don't think him or his mother will provide emotional support.

Hi Petra,
You could try with the solicitors but no one can actually force him to pay anything or have contact i'm afraid.

It doesn't sound like he will ever have contact with you or the child so i think you may need to just let it go and keep the contact lines open in case he ends up changing his mind.

Sorry I’ve not got any advice to offer just wanted to say I’m sorry your going through this. What horrible people

The CSA can force him to support financially surely..? I thought that’s what they were for?

I’m sorry he’s turned out to be such a loser OP, you may want to think about getting tested for STI’s if you’ve been having unprotected sex with someone you don’t know that well... 😬

I hope it turns out ok for you.

Thank you all for your support :) I've been processing emotionally the fact that he indeed refuses to have any sort of involvement as the father. Also figuring out whether my pride about "If you don't want to be involved, I don't want anything from you." would actually be beneficial for the child, and I don't think so. I've informed myself that he is required to pay child maintenance, if he rejects DNA testing to confirm paternity, he will be automatically considered the father by the court. That's reassuring, there is a lot of protection for single parents in Europe, and thanks God for that. I'd have never thought I would be interested in these matters one day, but hey, life's so unpredictable, and that's probably the beauty of it...... I have a first picture of the baby and I'm so chuffed with it that I wouldn't want to have it otherwise now :)

Meanwhile, also, I've been reading testimonials and stories of his mum assisting at home births, she has such excellent reputation. I've had no contact with her after what has happened between her son and myself, and trying to see whether to contact her after my first trimester (the end of July). I can't understand how a woman of this reputation who has delivered hundreds, if not thousands of babies (she's apparently the most sought after midwife in London!), could just give up on her own grandchild. I had a good relationship with her previously. It's all a mystery.

Thank you all for your support, and I'd appreciate if I learn about similar experience with being abandoned by a partner during pregnancy..... Would make me feel less alone :) Thank you :)

My partner left me when I was 4 1/2 months pregnant. I was devastated. He and his family were not interested at all so I carried on with the pregnancy alone. I bought my baby everything she needed and received all emotional support from my lovely family.

However things changed after she was born. I was asked to do a DNA test which I obliged too and of course the baby was his. Fast forward 15 years later and the father and all his family have been as much a part of her life as my family are. They just took a while to come round to it. I’m glad I stayed open minded with them and gave them a chance to be part of her life because I was pretty disgusted with their behaviour initially.

I keep my fingers crossed for you that maybe they will reach out at some point and make contact with you.

Hi, I live in the Wiltshire area near Lacock. Does anyone know of any pre birth groups in the area? I’m 28 weeks and would be great to talk baby.
Thanks.

@MellowMelly Thank you so much for sharing your story! I am very happy that there's been a kind of happy ending for you, that your partner and his family have come round and are part of your daughter's life. Yes, I also want to stay open-minded, realising this is less about me and my feelings and rather about what will be beneficial for the baby. I wish him and his mum would come round too one day, hopefully soon... Thank you :)