Autistic and Pregnant

[TheWanderlust]

Does anyone else have a diagnosis of Autism? I've just got my BFP and am absolutely petrified of what's to come,, got myself in such a tizz because I can't control when appointments will be, what labour will be like, what day baby will be born etc.

How can I give up the control? Any advice/ support really appreciated 😚

You can visit the ward in advance if that helps.

That sounds really difficult. My DS has autism and needs things to be on a certain schedule, so I can imagine something like pregnancy would be extra stressful with autism.

Perhaps you could speak to your midwife about it? There might be support groups in your area for women with autism. It might help to read up on pregnancy week by week so you know a little more about what to expect. You might need some support after the birth too, as newborns are very unpredictable! They might be able to refer you to a health visitor or similar.

I've just had dc2, try and focus on the things you can control. Also doing lots of research helped me understand more and stopped me obsessing over things I didn't want to dwell on.

Speak to your midwife (or the GP of you can't contact the midwife directly). They will be able to help you access support. Others have managed to cope; obviously everyone is different, but it's completely possible to deal with this and enjoy your pregnancy, so make sure you take all the support offered.

Thankyou ladies. Normally I'm pretty balanced and cope fairly well with life, but I didn't realise how frightened I would feel after finding out I was pregnant.

@dingdongdigeridoo I'm going to see my GP on Wednesday for a midwife referral which will hopefully give me the opportunity to talk about my worries. I'm already high risk for PND so hoping that I'll have all of the right support in place ready to go when the time comes.

@GummyGoddess I'm hoping doing lots of reading in advance and prepare myself... create my own familiarity if that makes sense.

OP all my appointments, apart from my booking appointment, have been on the same day. 80% of them have been at the same time. In my area you get a schedule at your booking appointment saying who you have to see when and as you are responsible for booking your own appointments you generally need to book them 6-8 weeks in advance.

Hi! I have Asperger's. Ask to talk to the perinatal psychiatric team. They are amazing! And really understanding of ASD anxiety.

@Bibijayne I've never heard of the perinatal psychiatric team... does every hospital have them?

Well, I'm not autistic but I really don't like not being in control - which is difficult in pregnancy, not only because of appointments, but also because a lot of people seem to think that your body is public property and your opinion is unimportant :-( I gradually realised during my last pregnancy that the whole atmosphere was causing me distress and am trying to think of was to minimize it this time round so:

1. Read "Expecting Better" by Emily Oster which will give you lots of information about decisions you need to make (from what to eat/not eat, whether to take a hot bath, to how to manage labour) - with numbers in. The idea is to enable you to make your own evidence based choices as an actual intelligent individual rather than feeling you have to follow every random person's opinion about whether you can have a cheese sandwich etc. This made me feel empowered to know where to look up stuff like which hayfever meds I could take etc, rather than listening to crap from people who seemed to think all meds are equally dangerous in pregnancy (including a saline nose spray which I should 'really avoid if I could manage it' according to one pharmacist!)

1. Have some self confidence and ignore everyone saying "oooh you don't know how much your life is going to change" "you won't think that once she's born" etc. You will still always be yourself, you are not getting a personality transplant. These comments are just patronizing and I found it very undermining as I am used to knowing what I want. I hated people suggesting I didn't know what I was talking about when making decisions about my own life but felt that I couldn't disregrard them because I hadn't had a baby before, so how did I know I wouldn't suddenly want to give up my (very enjoyable) career etc? Surprise surprise, my overall attitudes haven't changed after having my daugther. No more than they changed due to other life events anyway.

1. I had an elective c-section. Obviously that's a big decision and I mainly decided ot do it because I thought it would be the best outcome physically for me and baby, but also, I knew I would be totally unable to accept midwives managing my labour and perhaps making decisions for me with which I didn't agree, but wasn't in a position to escape as already in labour. This decision worked out brilliantly for me, it really wasn't that painful and there was none of the stress of not knowing when labour will come, not knowing if it will be OK etc. You do have to hand over control in the Operating Room (!) but it's only 45min there and youa re on diamorphine which helps with the relaxation.

1. If anyone rubs your belly, rub theirs right back.

I also have autism (aspergers) and am pregnant with my second at the moment. I wasn't actually diagnosed when I had my first.

I also had an ELCS with no1, and am doing the same this time around. Mine was mainly due to SPD BUT that said, I had become increasingly worried about labour and birth in the run up to that decision being made and on reflection, knowing now that I'm an aspie, I think the lack of control and the knowledge that things could go lots of different ways was a big part of that anxiety for me. This time I requested an ELCS from the word go.

Something to be aware of is that, if you are anything like me, some of your symptoms (for want of a better word) might get worse. Hormones I guess? So my sensory issues around sound are much worse - can barely stand DH eating, I'm fidgeting more, that kind of thing. You'll know yourself what your issues and triggers are but just be aware that things like sensory issues might become more noticeable.

A friend of mine (through our NCT group so her DC1 is the same age as mine) has an asbergers diagnosis, and found pregnancy understandably tricky. Things that worked for her were:

• discussion with midwife early on re birth options and appointments (appointments were booked ages on advance)
• private scan (as she was anxious about having exactly on 12 weeks and NHS couldn’t accommodate that)
• NCT (structured way to meet a small group of new people, which she was obviously able

Argh posted too soon!!

To attend with her DH which made it easier for her). She asked her DH to explain her diagnosis - in a low key way - to the DH of one of the other ladies so we could all be - quietly - informed, which meant we understood that some things were overwhelming for her etc and that she might need slightly different support (for example she preferred to meet 1-to-1 rather than our big group meet ups, it was good to know that as it meant we separately would/still do arrange coffee etc with her individually and didn’t feel rude or awkward if we met without her as a group)

• Elective c section (not for everyone and had its own risks but it was right for her)
• her and DH staying with her parents for the first three weeks after baby arrived - again really not for everyone but really worked for her.

Thankyou @StraffeHendrik I have ordered the book you recommended, as feeling overwhelmed and just didn't know where to start. Definitely going to need a confidence boost to be able to tell people to let me suss things out for myself.

@StatisticallyChallenged that's a really good point, I'd never thought about things becoming intensified for me. I'm already a bit more fidgety I think.

@ProseccoPoppy it sounds like you really supported your friend through the process. It's interesting you mentioned NCT. I'm new to my area and so am pretty alone in terms of knowing many people - especially other new mums. I love that you all accommodated meeting 1-1 so she felt included. That's the kind of thing that really helps me.

I've got an appointment with the GP on Wednesday whilst I wait for first midwife appointment. Really hoping that they will be quite understanding.

Really good luck @TheWanderlust and huge congratulations too - meant to say that before.

I would consider NCT or something similar if you feel able (I think the fact NCT tends to be more couple-y than the NHS antenatal classes can be a plus as it would be very normal and expected for you to go with DH which might be an easier way to meet people at first perhaps) as it may help to have a little support network, who you get to know gradually, and who I am sure would be happy to adjust things to help (things like individual meet ups really are not a big thing to ask - I never minded at all, it was really nice to vary things and to get to know people better meeting individually).

The other thing my friend did was start her maternity leave comparatively early (about 32 weeks) to minimise her stress levels ahead of the birth and so she could structure her days the way she chose - she is a real planner, and liked to know that she had that time to get everything exactly right with her house/the nursery, and wasn’t trying to juggle appointments with work at the point at which appointments get more frequent. Again that wouldn’t be everyone’s choice, some people might of course prefer to remain in the routine of continuing at work until closer to their due date but thought it was worth mentioning just in case any of that was of use.

Thankyou @ProseccoPoppy you've given me a few things to think about. It's all beginning to feel a little bit real