Considering termination

[Bellabutterfly2016]

So, just briefly, before you all loose the will to live reading pages and pages

I've been made redundant, no job on the horizon
Found out I'm pregnant- money worries
Midwife appointment useless - referred me to counselling, "at an appointment sometime next week" - didn't hear so rang early pregnancy unit

Early pregnancy unit very helpful seeing them tomorrow - partner not coming (which I'm pleased about in a way) - we've been arguing a lot past couple of weeks.

I'm getting a scan tomorrow and desperately hoping I'm only 11-12 weeks and not 15-16 weeks (unsure about dates/ potential implantation bleed) because I'm seriously a termination.

Partner dead against it but with my money and job worries I just don't think it's good timing plus we've been doing nothing but argue.

I'm really upset and feeling quite alone with it all and just want the whole thing over.

I already have dd age 3 - in an ideal world a sibling would have been nice but we can't afford it at the minute really - I should also
Add I'm 38 so added pressure there too.

Has anyone else had a "secret" termination and not told anyone?

Firstly I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. I know several people who've had a termination on the quiet then told people later. It's entirely personal choice. As you have a little one already and not currently working could a career break be on the cards? You could check your entitlement to benefits / tax credits and speak to creditors (if you have any) about options there to make things more affordable but you also wouldn't need childcare costs or travel to / from work so you're saving there. Don't rush into a decision, consider as much as you can beforehand.

Hi @HidCat
When I say "secret" I mean even from my partner contemplating telling him the pregnancy isn't viable and that I've miscarried which is feasible as we're very unsure about dates etc etc
I know that sounds awful but I feel I have no way out x

Oh, God, don't lie to him! You will have to carry that lie through your relationship forever. Do NOT cross that line.

I don't think there is an easy way out, but I think whatever you do, you need to feel in your gut that it is broadly right. Take the previous posters' advice re: looking into your financial options, see how the scan goes, gather yourself. Then talk to your partner as frankly as you can, and listen to him too, and see what decision you come to. Good luck.

He's dead against abortion
Problem is I do everything for our dd already
Another baby would only add to my stress and financial worries
I was the main wage earner I know we'll struggle if I don't find work soon and he'll just expect me to sort stuff out as always - plus we've done nothing but argue past month or so

I'm just so tired, drained and stressed I can't face this at all. I'm not excited like I was last time and feel it would be fundamentally unfair to proceed with it.

My relationship it's fair to say is on the rocks and it'll be hard enough for my dd without the added complications of another child in the event I end up on my own - I'm just trying to be sensible but hurting so much inside

Hi op. If you want the abortion, have it. You may be able to speed the system up by contacting BPAS or Marie stopes. That cuts out having to see your gp etc. If you manage to have the termination by 12 weeks you can have surgical removal which is done in a day. You can also request to have your counselling and the procedure on the same day.

@GaryBarlowsTaxReturn
Thanks for the advice

Sounds like you're having a tough time op. Rather than keeping it secret, I'd talk to your husband. It may be that he feels so strongly that he'll step up and become the main earner, taking the pressure off you. Either way, he should be supporting you. Good luck.