Partner worrying about me. Normal?

[YourHandInMyHand]

Hi.

This is my 2nd pregnancy, but DP's first. My DS's dad was a detached, self centred twat who began to show his true controlling colours whilst pregnant, so although I've been pregnant before it hasn't been with a "normal" reacting guy.

I've been in and out of hospital with hyperemesis the last month, and DP has been great. Really supportive, and picked up all the slack while I've been ill.

Last few days I've been gradually feeling much better so today DP went out to pub with his dad to watch footie, and I took DS out for ice cream and to the park. My phone battery died in the park, but I plugged it in when I got home, it was dead maybe half an hour.

When I turned it back on DP had messaged and called, and when I got him on the phone he kept repeating that he was soo worried. It's left me feeling quite claustrophobic, we are both generally very calm and chilled, and used to our own space, neither of us being very needy.

I guess I just don't know what's a normal level of concern for a partner. It seemed OTT to me, he could see on my fb feed that I'd been to a café and a park, then there was literally a 20-30 min window where my phone was off. Oh and DS isn't little, he's 13 and has a phone too in his bag, so it's not like I'd possibly fainted alone with a toddler or something!!

I'm also at that stage where I feel gross, want my own space, can't stand smells, etc and I feel he's needed more hugs and kisses than me, again I'd say needier than he usually is.

I'm probably rambling but I think I'm just constantly on the look out for things being a red flag because of how DS's dad showed his true colours whilst I was pregnant. If you all say I'm being a meany and it's normal for this level of worry I'll accept it.

You're past relationship is clouding your judgement. That, and your hormones. His reaction sounds like that of a loving and supportive partner. But, if it's annoying you, you have every right to tell him to cool his jets a bit.

You're probably right justmuddling and I'm happy to accept that. It wasn't until I got pregnant that I started thinking about how ex was while I was pregnant, I don't think I'd really gone through those emotions from that time if that makes sense?

DP is brilliant, so loving and supportive, and amazing with DS, a better dad figure to him than his actual dad. I know logically he isn't a bad guy.

I think it was because he was repeating himself on the phone, he sounded a bit tipsy and was almost stuck on a loop lol so I ended up frustrated after the call.

I am definitely very hormonal at the moment. Snappier than usual, very tired, etc, and still quite generally drained from being so poorly.

You can still tell him you feel a bit claustrophobic though. Just do it kindly. He's probably overcompensating because of your past and your recent illness.

Its nice that he cares but there is such a thing as caring too much. If your feeling claustrophobic and suffocated then he needs to be told (nicely) to back off abit.

Your last boyfriend may have been an uncaring dick but it sounds like this boyfriend is on the other end of the scale which can be just as bad. Too much of anything is bad.

Sit him down and explain how you feel.

how far along are you? I can understand why your partner might get into a bit of a panic-loop, and that he might want affection and reassurance. It's his first kid, everything will be changing including his rship with you.

It doesn't sound like he's like this every minute of the day; you don't have to put up with behaviour that you can't stand, but you guys are partners, so support him like he supports you. Together you can find a way to help him feel a bit more secure and in control.

I can understand where he's coming from, he loves you and you're carrying his pride and joy.

He obviously really cares for you so maybe just have a chat with him x

OP you are well within your right to feel smothered and mothered without it being blamed on your ‘hormones’ .

It’s an unpleasant feeling, being smothered and feeling suffocated by it.
You do need to talk to him, it’s not fair for him to do this.

Hopefully just a chat would help though.

Could he maybe have been feeling guilty for going out and leaving you? And then worried that something happened because he wasn't there to look out for you If so, a chat might reassure him he doesn't need to fuss so much. It's nice that he's concerned about you, but you'll both need to make sure you have time to recharge without suffocating each other.

Thanks for all these replies. Once he got home we were having a conversation about when I have a C-section and he made out like it would be a huge grand gesture to me that he'd been in the room with me while I was "being slashed open with a knife". I ended up getting VERY snappy and annoyed and thankfully we both managed to pull it back from becoming a huge row and instead it was an indepth talk.

He's been hugely stressed and overwhelmed by my hyperemesis gravidurum, much more so than I thought. It's definitely taken a toll on him. He's said it's all new to him whereas it's not for me, that his dad friends don't understand the HG stuff (neither do my mum friends unless they've had it too), and that he's just very very stressed and anxious and feels like he doesn't know anything.

There's been a lot of joking around about him being roped into getting me pregnant, having to stick around, no escape now etc (we are quite jokey generally with each other so this isn't unusual) that's been wearing thinner and thinner with me, so the caesarean comment yesterday made me snap.

I'm going to look into if there is any support for HG dads, and I've ordered him some first time dad books from amazon. I feel like even though this is a planned and wanted pregnancy he's now really anxious and freaking out about it all and it's changed our dynamics and interactions a lot..

I'm about 11/12 weeks so still fairly early on. But I already feel like I've been bloody pregnant forever due to my being so poorly. I've had 4 hospital admissions where DP has had to sort getting me admitted, juggling care for my DS (who is home ed and has sen) between him and my mum, figuring out the dog, his job, etc. It's been a really stressful start to being pregnant!