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Original poster

Partner wants MIL (& my mum) to come to our first scan...

54 replies

Zing6 · 22/06/2018 12:47

Hey all,

So yesterday my partner said "I said mum could come to the scan." and my immediate reaction was to say "no she isn't!". This turned into question time as to why I would say the mums can't come... I just wanted it to be OUR moment you know? It's an early scan I've booked 8+6 and they could come as we can have up to 5 other people. I definitely wouldn't have anyone but my partner at the NHS scans so it does make sense to let them come to the early private one I have booked...

Now I've thought about it a bit, I don't mind them coming to it but I am a bit meh about the whole sharing EVERYTHING with the mums thing - I mean I love them both to bits obviously but they are going to be (and already are) overwhelming throughout so I want SOME memories to be just ours, does that make sense? Is this my hormones making me a cow? LOL!

Then again it's the first grandchild both sides so why not let them at the scan, it's their first and maybe only chance!!!

Anyone else had a similar thing/feelings.......?

Thanks!

OP posts:
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TinyTear · 22/06/2018 13:29

8w is probably the dildocam... there is no way id want anyone else there

Original poster
Zing6 · 22/06/2018 13:34

Exactly.... I knew it was likely but I wasn't worried as I assumed it would be just us. I've just told him that my decision is final - I'm sure he will understand once I explain in more detail later! Thanks everyone x

OP posts:
NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 22/06/2018 13:34

To be fair, at 8 weeks it probably won’t be a vagina scan... but you never know.

Also, it could be bad news... but there is more chance if it being happy news. It you want the scan then booking it is definitely the right thing for you, 12 weeks pregnant is a bloody long time to wait!

I hope it all goes well and the MIL takes it well too 🤞

Original poster
Zing6 · 22/06/2018 13:38

She will be absolutely fine if I tell her no, we have a lovely relationship. I just think he got over excited about it and perhaps felt like she was hinting. She's not mentioned to me about wanting to go and she would ask me first I hope!!!

Thanks for the well wishes :) xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Zing6 · 22/06/2018 13:40

He's obviously thought about it today as I sent a quick message explaining and that we'd talk later and he's sent a lovely one back saying of course and he will tell her now....

OP posts:
DPotter · 22/06/2018 13:45

Like others have said, the hospital may only allow one other adult with you.

I always wonder why people think scans are a social event. It's a medical / diagnostic procedure with the distinct possibility of bad news.

Not every stage of pregnancy is a community affair - after all the conception stage is private (usually) .........

Original poster
Zing6 · 22/06/2018 13:54

It's a private scan I've booked - we are allowed me and my partner plus 5 others, it's a big room with a large sofa with screens there and us the other side with the actual scan taking place - sounds lovely if you were up for showcasing it with your family but I just don't want to. All sorted now though :) thank you x

OP posts:
chipsandcurrysaucemonster · 22/06/2018 14:07

As a compromise you could
Keep your early scan, your 'medical' 12/20 weeks scan to just you and your DH and then offer to invite them to a 4D private scan at 30+ weeks?

Amber0685 · 22/06/2018 14:10

No I had to have a vaginal scan and then it was bad news, wouldn't have wanted anyone but DH there.

Original poster
Zing6 · 22/06/2018 14:30

This is true! I don’t mind paying for another, I’ll benefit from it too eh! Fingers crossed all goes well but if it’s not meant to be then so be it. Thanks all. X

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Bluebirdsky · 22/06/2018 14:35

If finances allow then I would say book another private scan further on in the pregnancy (maybe a gender scan at 16 weeks if you want to know the sex) and invite them along to that instead. Much more to see and much less likely to be a problem (although there are never any guarantees with this whenever you have a scan) but that's only if you want them to attend any scan of course, you certainly don't have to!

OtherUsername · 22/06/2018 16:52

I had a scan at 8 weeks (fanjo cam) and there wasn't much to see, just a blob with a flicker for the heartbeat so it might not be that interesting for them anyway (obviously it is amazing for you and dh to see your baby so early).

InDreamland · 22/06/2018 16:55

Glad you have decided now and your DH is in agreement.

As soon as I read the subject line I straight away had similar thoughts to others. It's a medical examination which could end up in bad amd upsetting news being given and the only person I would want sharing that with is my DH. if it's good happy news then again the only person i want there is DH and everyone else can see the picture afterwards - for me it's a very private moment and not a circus.

Roomba · 22/06/2018 16:58

My hospital only let one person come in with me, both times I was pregnant. Even if I could take more people in, I wouldn't. No way would I want anyone else (especially my mother or my ex MIL) there if there was any chance of bad news.

Original poster
Zing6 · 22/06/2018 17:12

I’m just glad most of you agree with my initial outburst of “no she’s not!!!” None of the mums will have a problem with it at all but MIL may be disappointed now but she will completely understand and I’ll have a chat with her when I see her x

OP posts:
mumsastudent · 22/06/2018 17:21

I think its up to the mumtobe - I wouldn't expect to be in on the scan with DD or DIL but may be waiting outside- if wanted by both parents to be. if something not quite right the last thing you need is extra person hanging over you but if they do photos and you have copy! :)

Gottokondo · 22/06/2018 17:46

He could use his phonecamera to film the screen and show it later on.

I wouldn't take anyone except DH for all the reasons already mentioned. I've had miscarriages and an ectopic. I know that most pregnancys end with a healthy baby and you should focus on that but for the just-in-case you should really treat it as a medical appointment (which it is). You don't take them to see your smear test either, right?

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Original poster
Zing6 · 22/06/2018 18:11

Thanks all, you’re so right! I’ve just discussed it over with my mum and she said she wouldn’t dream of coming, it’s mine and his memory to cherish!

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Skydiving · 22/06/2018 19:09

You know it’s fairly common for a scan that early to be internal.
So ask your dp if he would be happy to have a huge wand shoved up his bum by a nurse, with you mum and his mum all in the room?
See what he says to that.
It makes me so angry when pregnant women have their healthcare dictated to them by overexcited family members.
If you want your mum there fair enough but why on earth anyone would have a mil there I just can’t understand.

Skydiving · 22/06/2018 19:10

If your mil has anything to say, just tell her she can come along if you can all attend when she has a smear test.

anametouse · 22/06/2018 20:59

Just a to say I was scanned at 7 weeks 4 days and it wasn't a vag can and I'm plus size. There really wasn't much to see though!

iamawoman · 22/06/2018 21:40

its a medical appointment - thats what the early scan is therefore to see if there is viable pregnancy. Honestly you really wouldnt want an audience if its not good news....dont allow anyone to pressure you - it is still your body

timeisnotaline · 22/06/2018 21:44

This scan has the highest risk of bad news unfortunately , and I too had a vaginal scan for it. These two combined make it a hell no from me.

Magpie24 · 22/06/2018 21:48

I had to have a vaginal scan at 8+5 in case that helps you make up your mind.

llangennith · 22/06/2018 21:50

I have grandchildren and certainly wouldn’t have expected to go to any scans. That’s a personal thing for just the parents.