I'm terrified of losing my baby or finding out there just isn't one...am I going crazy?!?

[Newmumlearning]

This is my first post and I feel a bit odd, but I found out a few days ago that I'm pregnant with my first. My partner and I are overjoyed as we have been trying for a while and I wasn't sure I would be able to get pregnant because I have PCOS.

However, as it has sunk in I'm both terrified of losing the baby, and also dreading the idea that maybe I'll go for a scan in a couple of months (I'm somewhere between 4 and 6 weeks along right now) and it'll all have been some kind of mistake...is that totally stupid?

I took four tests, all of them said positive, I've not had any bleeding since my last period which ended on the 17th May, but I'm still so scared that I'll emotionally invest in a baby that somehow doesn't exist. Anyone able to reassure me that four tests can't be wrong?!?

I'm obviously also very scared of miscarrying which I think is normal, and I've had a lot of cramping which I also understand is normal. It just seems like such a long time to wait for a scan to make sure everything is OK? My SO doesn't want to go for an early scan in case we miscarry as he'll be more emotionally invested if he sees a heartbeat... (I really want one but I'm respecting his feelings too).

Basically, I really need some reassurance that I'm not being a total nutjob! Thanks ladies.

Nothing to add but I’m in a similar boat

I have decided to go for an early scan at 8 weeks as I didn’t want to get to 12 weeks and find out there’s nothing there l. I know that there is still a risk even at the scan if there’s a strong heartbeat but I just need that bit of reassurance really but I’m feeling exactly the same anxieties as you.

The only thing I keep telling myself is that this pregnancy is still more likely to end with a baby than a miscarriage

I was the same, tried for 13 years with PCOS and gave up, came as a complete shock I did 6 tests and at my booking app cried to the midwife it was a waste of time as I was convinced I wasn't pregnant and it was something else. Had a dating scan as hadn't had a period for months, I was nearly 9 weeks! If they won't give you an early scan may be worth getting a private one however they can't see much too early but it may put your mind at rest if you're not convinced. If you're anything like me though you won't be convinced til he's born! 😂

I haven't asked my GP about an early scan, do you reckon if I say about my PCOS and cramping they might consider it? I just want to know if this is a viable pregnancy or not, because you're right I think it's going to take a lot to convince me!

Those first few weeks are really hard, because apart from the hormonal changes there's nothing to really tell you you're pregnant. I had similar worries, and every ache and twinge had me worrying I'd got it all wrong and was about to come on.

Four false positives would be pretty much a miracle, so I think you can hang on to that as a fact - you are pregnant. The wait for the 12 week scan does feel like a lifetime though, but it is worth it to see something that looks like an actual baby.

I found it helpful to follow the progress in a book and see what was happening each week. I got less anxious about things when I remembered the baby was about the size of a poppyseed/lentil/broad bean, and I shouldn't be surprised that I couldn't see any changes on the outside!

I think those first weeks can be a really anxious and stressful time - I know it was for me. I was also diagnosed with PCOS and had fertility treatment for a couple of years, so when we found out we were expecting it was a surprise that I didn't quite believe (I also did 4-5 tests). I think, if you speak to your doctor or midwife and tell them of your concerns and that you've been having cramps, they will consider a scan - I know mine did.

I had cramping and some bleeding early on and found the midwives really lovely - they referred us for a couple of early scans, if only to put my mind at ease. I found a great deal of my anxiety dropped after the 12 week scan and again after the 20 week scan. I'm 35 weeks now but still have my moments of being terrified something will happen. I think it's a natural reaction.

I have similar worries. I don’t have PCOS and DH and I weren’t very actively TTC for very long but we were sort of trying for a while and I haven’t been on the pill for at least three years so I was starting to worry I am infertile!

When I got my BFP (I did two tests and got two positives) I still don’t believe it. I wanted gp to test me and tell me I am but they don’t seem to do that (I was just sent away with midwife self referral instructions).

Now I’m 6 weeks and 4 days. I believe I’m pregnant but but very worried about things going wrong and getting bad news at my 12 week scan.

Just got my first midwife appointment but it’s for 16 July (I’ll be 10 weeks then) which is annoying as I would have liked to talk about my concerns with her and that makes me wonder how long I’ll have to wait for my scan!

I’m thinking about a private early scan but not sure.

I think it's totally normal to feel this way, but remember you can't change the outcome by worrying - all you can do is make yourself feel miserable in the meantime. I had three early miscarriages before my current pregnancy, and the three weeks between finding out I was pregnant again and losing the third one were the most miserable of my life, I think - worse than after I'd actually had the miscarriage - because I was trying so hard to 'not get attached' that it drove me completely mad. It didn't work - I wasn't any less sad when I miscarried because I'd told myself I wouldn't emotionally invest, because emotions don't work that way. In my fourth pregnancy I told myself that I'd let myself hope a bit and try and enjoy a bit and I didn't always succeed, especially early on, but it was so much nicer.

Obviously I very, very much hope that this pregnancy will end in a lovely healthy baby in eight months for you, and that is statistically the most likely thing to happen by quite some way. But remember, too, that if something bad does happen you can't shortcut sadness by anticipating it, you can just prolong it.

Thank you ladies, you've all actually made me feel a lot better! I really appreciate you taking time to respond!

I was the same constantly worried and was relieved and never slept the night before my dating scan. I had prepared myself for the worst but was relieved to find out all was fine and bow 14+5.

I had no pregnancy symptoms or bleeding just some cramping and tiredness which made my anxiety worse.

Try to find something to do to take your mind off the wait. I had to wait 8 weeks from finding out to my dating scan but we kept busy

I found out last Monday that I am pregnant. I took one test then took one a few days later just to double check. I’ve not told anyone other than my partner and a really close friend who has had 4 children so she’s my ‘go to’ person with all my questions about stupid things. I am 100% terrified after wanting this baby so much for so long that something bad is going to happen and that I’m going to lose it. I’m not remotely religious but I thank god every time I’m cramping and feeling sick and get through another day without blood appearing! I plan on telling my mum next week as she’s currently on holiday and by then I’ll be 7 weeks + 3 ish depending on which day I actually go. I don’t plan on telling anyone else until we’ve been for the first scan.
I’m really glad I’m not the only one feeling this way! And I can reassure you that you are definitely not on your own in how your feeling! x