So to cut a long story short,I've been waiting over 2 weeks for a dating scan which was meant to Come through before I see the midwife on Friday. I'm still waiting and I'm very anxious.
I'm either 12 or 16 weeks (depending on whether a "period" was Infact an implantation bleed) or so I think. Not 100% sure.
Just been made redundant as team drastically reducing (10 of us have lost our jobs) and I'm panicking about a second baby and how we'll manage financially. We have a 3 year old daughter and my partner is very chilled out saying "we'll work something out" but unless he gets a 100% payrise or I get something quickly we've got no chance.
He absolutely wouldn't consider a termination in a million years but I just feel if the time isn't right it may be for the best.
I haven't told a soul mainly because I've said to all my friends about looking for jobs etc and we'd stopped ttc once I was at risk of redundancy. They'll all think I'm nuts plus one of my closest friends is desperate for a baby and I'd feel awful "announcing anything" especially when I feel like this.
The whole thing is such a mess. I know if I tell my mum she's sensible like me and will say that we can't afford it at the moment and would support a termination but I think my partner would leave me.
I just feel in limbo. I've rung the hospital to chase my appointment they said my midwife needs to refer me although the GP has already done that.
I just don't feel excited like last time I was pregnant Infact I'm really really upset, crying all the time and not sleeping properly either.
Then was clearing some stuff today and had a huge panick attack when I found a box of baby stuff thinking it's all pink and if it's a boy it's no good and how on earth we'd ever be able to afford to re-buy it all again. Then got myself in a right state thinking if it was a boy I definitely didn't want it but would consider if it was a girl which is ridiculous but we also live in a fairly small house and 3rd bedroom is a box not actually room for a bed so if it was a boy we'd need to move and definately can't afford that. Our car is also likely to fail its MOT!
No idea what to do - in a right state, in need of a good shake and some hand holding!