Is it weird to want to go to scans alone?

[GinGeum]

We live on a farm and so I’m used to DP not being around very much at all at certain times of year, and this is just normal for us.

My 12 week scan is booked for two weeks time, and DP has said he will definitely come along if I want him there despite it being a busy time at the moment. But earlier in the week I had an unexpected scan due to pains, and I went alone because there just wasn’t the time to get DP back from the fields. The scan was all fine and it was actually a really pleasant experience being alone

I asked DP if he felt left out not being there and he said no, he liked hearing all about it later on but didn’t particularly mind not being there. We then discussed the upcoming scan in a few weeks and he was worried I was going to feel lonely/sad going alone when everyone in the waiting room has partners with them, but I said I didn’t feel like that at all with the previous scan, and actually, if he’s really busy, he may as well just get on with work.

But is this weird? I have thought about how I would feel at a scan receiving bad news alone, but again, I’d much rather be alone, have a little time to process it, then talk to DP about it, otherwise I’d be more worried about him in the moment and squash my feelings down. DP also can’t bear being indoors especially when there is work to be done in the fields so I know he’d be fidgeting and restless in the waiting room which would disturb my nice quiet wait

Did anyone else choose to do scans alone?

I wanted to do my scans alone.

I guess I'm not a "fuss" kind of person, wanted to go and get them done.

My ex didn't like the idea that I wanted to go alone, until he pissed off and I did it all alone! Was bliss

Dh came to the scans in my first pregnancy, and not in my second. It was lovely both ways, and I'm not too worried if he comes or not this time - first scan will be in the next couple of weeks, but I'm pretty much leaving it to him to decide.

I would have gone alone, but for the fact that my mum/my best friend wanted to come with.

I had an early 7-8 week scan on my own (assisted conception), then took my mum to the 12 week and my best friend to the 20 week, and mum came again to a 30-odd week unplanned growth scan, but I would have been totally ok going to the first 3 on my own. I was a little more concerned at the suddenness of the growth scan, so appreciated the company.

Your 20 week scan is your abnormality scan. If it is bad news would you still be happy to do that alone?

I went on my own. DH was working away and it was too complicated to arrange for him to get back. It was fine - I wouldn't have minded if he had come but it was fine without.

Oh I’m glad I’m not the only one!

I did mention in the OP about the possibility of receiving bad news alone. The 20 week scan is likely to be right in the middle of harvest so very very unlikely DP will make that one even if he wanted to I think.

Your body and therefore it’s up to you HOWEVER the scans are your partner’s first chance to start bonding with the baby that’s going to be here soon. As a result I think I would probably expect my partner to go. Also what if something does go wrong? I went for a scan once and ended up in for a week. All worked well in the end but it’s a little daunting if you’re alone and there is an issue

I get a lot of scans in my pregnancies. Mostly I go alone and prefer it that way. My husband usually comes to a token one, but we're both happy it being just me.

I know someone who couldn't bear the thought of going alone to scans, so everyone is different! If you're happy, go for it :)

I don't mind going alone, it's fine either way if your comfortable with it x

Could he get to you if you needed him to (in the event of bad news)?

That would be my prime consideration.

Otherwise, do whatever makes you the most comfortable. There's no right or wrong answer :)

I think however you and your partner want to do things is fine. Your relationship, your pregnancy etc.

Please do bring someone to your anomaly scan though , I wouldn't advise anyone attending one alone.

I went for the 20 week scan alone for DC2 as it was just easier for DH to look after DS1 and not have to bother with childcare for such a short time. I found out the sex as well and rang him on the way home to tell him. He’s a very hands on and loving father but neither of us are hung up on making scans a big event. I assumed that he could have come to get me if I’d had bad news and felt I needed him. but also I wasn’t far away and honestly didn’t really think about that side of it. I’d have had to put on a front for DS1 anyway had news been bad.

He’s never very far away, so in an absolute emergency he could ditch the tractor and be at the hospital, and he’s always contactable by phone.

When I was having pains and was worried, I spoke to him on the phone to let him know I was going in, and he was nearby so he dropped me off. When they told me I needed a scan, I rang him and let him know and he asked if I wanted him there but I said if he was in the middle of something to just carry on and I’d call him to update him, which is what I did. If it had been bad news and I’d rung to say ‘please come and get me’ he absolutely would have done.

I just mentioned it to him again and said ‘how would you seriously feel if I just went alone?’ and he replied with a thumbs up and said ‘suits me!’

My partner has been there for all the scans (early private, early NHS, 12, 20) we had planned but recently I was referred to consultant (no problems, just apparently too old ) and ended up having a scan. Partner wasn’t at that appointment due to travel with Work and we hadn’t expected any significant outcome.
I felt fine waiting on my own, was a bit bored but didn’t feel conscious that I wasn’t with someone. The scan was amazing and it was actually really nice to just focus on baby and not share it with anyone this one time.

I don’t think it’s weird - it’s whatever feels right / good for you as a couple.

I don't think it's weird. I'm another one who has regular scans in pregnancy, due to recurrent miscarriage.
I've been told once that it was bad news whilst DH wasn't there and I preferred that to when he was there and I was told bad news.
When I've gone and it's been good news, again when comparing both, I've preferred to be there alone and call him afterwards. It's the frequency of the scans which mean DH can't take that amount of time off work, so he'd just make the normal NHS ones.

You can get bad news at any scan, don’t know why the concentration on the anomaly scan.

We are usually the guardians of pregnancy for obvious reasons and most women will get news good and bad alone then tell their partner, family, friends as appropriate later. It’s not like we need an audience for it, it’s massively personal.

It’s entirely up to you!

The concentration is on the anomaly scan because that's when issues that couldn't be seen at a dating scan would be picked up due to everything being bigger. Also things that cannot be detected via genetic testing will be seen for the first time.

I don't think anybody was saying that other scans are guaranteed to have a positive outcome but just that the anomaly scan is a more detailed screening.

I personally wouldn't attend any scan alone but if the op is going to bring dh (or a friend) to any scan , it should be this one imo.