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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Antenatal class freaked me out.

19 replies

Kitcat159 · 20/06/2018 10:40

So I had my second antenatal class last night -labour.
Safe to say I'm totally freaked out!
I was pretty calm about it all until they went through it.
Some bits (nothing major) really weirded me out to the point where I had to excuse myself and sob in the corridor!
I can't do this!!
Please tell me someone else had a similar feeling but it was all ok!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Bluebirdsky · 20/06/2018 10:43

Is there anything specific that they talked about that really upset you?
I did a digital hypnobirthing course from The Positive Birth Company and this has really helped me, it's not just about hypnobirthing there are loads of different modules and they really prepare you for labour and birth and make you feel like you can do it! It was only £35 and worth every penny to me.

TheVanguardSix · 20/06/2018 10:51
Flowers

The idea that we have to push a watermelon out of us is terrifying!

You'll be amazed by your body, this vessel of life, and what we as women are able to do.
Trust in your body and it's ability. We are biologically designed to deliver babies and when you think about all of the babies born every minute, it mostly goes right, which is amazing.

My solution? Drugs Grin
The epidural has been my fine friend during all of my deliveries.
You have choices various ways of managing your delivery. Explore them fearlessly.
That being said, please know that your fears are valid and normal. I've delivered 4 kids and have absolutely bricked myself every time. But labour arrives and in rush your instincts, your 'knowing' and your 'feeling' of your body. You will be well guided by your midwives and your body.
Trust. Flowers

TheVanguardSix · 20/06/2018 10:52

Sorry! Bad grammar alert: trust in your body and ITS ability - without the apostrophe.

Dvg · 20/06/2018 11:03

I too was petrified of labour ( still am a bit scared ) this is my first pregnancy and i don't handle pain well BUT i spoke with my lovely midwife and she made me feel so much more relaxed, firstly she told me not to forget that i'm going to have extreme painkillers - i'm going for gas and air and then a epidural so i shouldn't feel anything other than tiredness.

Also if it was really bad i don't think people would go on to have multiple children :D and she also mentioned that a baby really isnt that big when it comes out especially after the head which tends to be the biggest part.

My friend told me its like needing a big poo and being slightly constipated on a heavy period (cramps)

SittingAround1 · 20/06/2018 11:10

It's totally normal to freak out, especially when they start listing all the possible interventions and things that can go wrong.
Just remember you're not going to have every intervention and problem.

I agree with PP, to plan to take drugs if it gets too much.
There are certain things with childbirth that sound horrendous when described but the reality is a lot different. For a start you can't actually see anything down there and if you've had drugs then you can't feel anything either.

What helped me was not thinking 'oh this could happen or that could happen' but to really live in the moment. If I was fine then everything was fine, if a contraction was too painful I just concentrated on getting through that.

It is worth it !

Kitcat159 · 20/06/2018 11:18

Firstly there's the pain. I have been in agony with sciatica for about a week and midwife said oh that's nothing compared to birth. Yes I'll have gas and air etc but I'm worried about it.

Secondly there's things that weird me out that are pretty pathetic I know...like leaving baby's head out while they rotate so I'm gonna be there with a head out of my foof! Also, when the put baby on my before they cut the cord, it will still be attached to me. It's weird. I can't get my head around it. I also get a bit weirded out about the nudity, obv the business end needs to be accessible but I don't really want everyone seeing my nakedness. I get really paranoid and self conscious. I have a phobia of feet. If the midwife grabs my foot I will freak out.
I realise these things are totally not important and in the moment I won't care.

I'm also worried that they will try to force me to breastfeed. I can't BF and have said all along that I am FF but I'm worried they will try to make me.

OP posts:
MrsSnootyPants2018 · 20/06/2018 11:22

This is why I never went one! I'm sure they're designed to scare you and make you feel like rubbish!

SamSmithYawnsWhenHeSings · 20/06/2018 12:15

I am a believer that if you relax and don't fight labour you will mostly have a better time. I was super chilled leading up to the birth and was excited by the event and ended up having a very positive experience. Our bodies are amazing, it just kind of takes over and does it for you! I was not at all scared or out of my depth during any of it. I'm expecting number two now (fingers crossed, early day!) and I won't fear the birth but i will dread the tie curling pain from breast feeding!!

GreenthoughtInAGreenShade · 20/06/2018 13:03

re. the nakedness - you certainly don't have to be naked (unless you want to be). I wore a long night t-shirt throughout, and i think most people do (or a hospital gown if you haven't got anything suitable).

Re the feet thing - would wearing big fluffy socks or slipper-socks make you feel more secure? Nobody is going to comment on your fashion choices, trust me, and midwives are on your side - if you tell them you freak out at foot touching, they will be sure not to if they can help it. If it helps, nobody ever went near my feet - there's no reason to. I moved myself around, and midwife just checked my dilation and dealt with baby coming. I think she touched my shoulders when encouraging me to push, but there was no touching me the rest of the time.

Re. the head thing - i agree that is freaky. I never saw it (i'm not that flexible) but as i recall I was way too busy at the time to care anyway.

Anyway, what i'm trying to say is that you have control over (most) of the scary bits - just tell people what you want and (within reason) they really do try to help while you're doing the hard bit.

15star · 20/06/2018 13:17

It is painful but honestly by time you get to your due date and giving birth you will do ANYTHING to get the baby out and you won't care how! I had a nightdress on the whole time so no nakedness, the midwife never touched my feet.
Once you are in labour you are consumed by it so you won't be worrying about the nakedness etc.
Neither myself or partner looked down, but it's not that long between the head and the rest of the baby coming out. It can be quite tiring so you will probably just be taking a moment inbetween pushing to get ready to go again rather than getting freaked out by the head. I also didn't notice the umbilical cord when they put the baby on me and I thought I would be squeamish about that.
If it's too painful take the drugs!!!! There's no prizes for not having pain relief and no one expects people to have any other medical related things without pain relief

Kitcat159 · 20/06/2018 13:36

I do feel better now after reading your posts so thanks all!
I have got a nightshirt for delivery in my hospital bad and some fluffy socks. I'm not so bad with the foot thing if I'm wearing socks (as long as the don't put their fingers between my toes or something )
The head and the cord I'm really hoping I will be too preoccupied to be bothered by it.

Hopefully the next antenatal class (postnatal care) will be less scary!

5 weeks left to go till due date so kacking myself now. Coming round so fast!!

OP posts:
NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 20/06/2018 13:43

You don’t have to hold your baby at first if you don’t want... they tried to put both of mine on me, but I told them to clean them up first and then give them to their dad.

I was tired, shaky, in shock a bit and just wanted a bath at that point.

I also hated the nakedness thing, I bought strategic clothing they would allow me to birth and breastfeed modestly.. I ended up starkers and not caring (completely by choice!) as in the moment, comfort was more important to me than modesty. So you may well find yourself not caring.

mumofmunchkin · 20/06/2018 13:55

As others have said, you can give birth in whatever you feel most comfortable in at the time. For my first, I think I was in the remains of whatever clothes I had been wearing, for my second, I wore a nice soft nighty (that went straight in the bin after).

When the head had come out, if I thought anything it was "thank f* I'm nearly there", there isn't the time or energy to be freaked out, and there isn't generally a big gap between the head and body coming out.

And once the baby was on me, honestly, I forgot everything. Someone must have cut the cord, I must have delivered the placenta, I don't have a clue because I finally had my baby and all the rubbish bits of labour suddenly felt worth it.

15star · 20/06/2018 14:11

Also it's really normal to freak out about giving birth. I felt like this around this stage! Also the best bit about labour is the shower and toast after, feels like the best thing you've ever had!

brownmouse · 20/06/2018 14:21

Labour takes a long time and it ramps up slowly. It's not like a sudden intense pain and you have to take all your clothes off and start suffering. :). It ramps up slowly and you are in control of what you wear and how you move.

It's okay! Sometimes I look at all the women in the street and remember most of them went through this and survived. :). you will too. X

HelenSim33 · 20/06/2018 14:37

Firstly, nakedness is not a requirement. I had a massive man's t shirt I bought from a

HelenSim33 · 20/06/2018 14:48

Sorry phone took over... I had a men's t shirt I wore at first although in the end I just had a maternity night bra on and didn't care in the slightest! But whatever you feel comfortable with is fine.

Baby's head sticking out for a bit... believe me, you will be so in the zone of getting the baby out that you won't even notice! The baby's head is probably the worst part of delivery so the relied of having the head out means you don't really care that another push will be required to get the rest out.

Cord still attached. Again, you will be so relieved that delivering the baby is over and marvelling at your new bundle of joy you won't even think about it. I honestly don't even remember delivering the placenta with my first, I was just so amazed at the tiny baby in my arms!

As for feet. Just tell the midwife when your in delivery that you don't like it. But again, you may not even notice as you're concentrating on contractions etc.

As for labour itself. I honestly believe that the more you can relax and let your body do what it instinctively knows to do, you'll be absolutely fine. I delivered with no medication bar one puff of gas and air (which I didn't like so I didn't take again) but you use whatever you feel necessary - labour is not a competition to see who can deliver with the least amount of drugs!

MotherofKitties · 20/06/2018 14:56

Thanks OP. I had my LO last year and I know the prospect of birth can be terrifying, but try and remain as calm as you can.

I can only talk from my own experience, which was that my labour was very quick. Yes, the pain was horrendous, but I didn't have time to take any pain relief, and from what I've heard and read, there is a big range of pain relief you can choose from (water birth, TENS machines, epidurals etc etc), so whilst the very lucky few might have a painless labour, if you are in pain, the midwives and doctors can help.

Regarding the head of the baby being out first and staying there for a little while, for me it was a very short space of time. Head came out, two more pushes and she was out completely. When you're actually in the process of it all you won't care, you'll just want to get the baby out!

Nakedness when giving birth is completely your choice; my LO was already crowning when I got to the hospital so I was wheeled into the room, my husband stripped me off, I climbed onto the bed and 20 minutes later my baby was here. I am quite shy when it comes to nakedness, but in those moments of active labour, I genuinely didn't give a fig that I was naked. The only people that were there were me, my DH and the midwives. I promise you that you won't care when you're in active labour, everyone there is either a loved one or a medical professional, but it is entirely your choice so please try not to worry!

Once your baby is out you probably won't even notice the umbilical cord; I didn't, I was too busy looking at the baby I had just made!

For breastfeeding, this can be a difficult one. There is a huge pressure to breastfeed I won't lie, and hospitals/midwives do very much push it. Some women find it easy, some don't, and some don't want to at all. Whatever category you fall into, as long as you are happy and your baby is fed that's all that matters. I intended I breastfeed but found that I couldn't (latching and tongue tie issues), and whilst I had one Midwife who made me feel awful for not breastfeeding my baby, I also had one very kind Midwife who was very understanding and showed me how to bottle feed her and told me it was ok to not breastfeed, it has no reflection on you as a mother. And she was right. If you don't want to breastfeed, don't, and remain firm in your conviction.

Most of all though, try not to worry because whilst everyone says this, it is true that your body guides you and instinctively does what it needs to. Giving birth for the first time is scary, but it's also amazing, you'll get your baby at the end of it and if you hold onto that thought it'll see you through the labour. Hope it all goes well OP Xx

laurG · 20/06/2018 19:37

I had a bit of s freak out after ante natal too. So did my husband! Neither of us could sleep after the first session. We just lay there in silence!

I’ve really enjoyed pregnancy but the birth has always been so far away I’ve sort of blanked it out. Became very real after ante natal. Scared of the birth but also the massive change that comes after. I’m 37 weeks and very nervous. So freaking out a bit is normal and you are certainly not alone!

However, please know that The midwives will support you regardless of your choices re birth and feeding. None of them have flinched when I said I don’t want to breastfeed and so long as there is time and baby is ok you should be able to access whatever pain relief you want. It’s you choice.

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