Should I let mum mum kiss my baby?

[birthofawoman]

My mum's boyfriend has HSV1 (oral herpes). He gets lesions quite frequently, and seems to put a cream on his lip the moment he feels a tingling sensations before the lesion appears (indicating that he is 'shedding' the virus). My mum insists that she refrains from kissing him during his initial 'shedding' period and whilst his lesions are present (although I'm sure there's also a post-lesion 'shedding' period? My mum hasn't mentioned refraining from kissing him during this period, though). Whilst she has never presented with any lesions herself, I'm aware that she could be a carrier of HSV but just be asymptomatic?

I've seen what happens to babies that contract the virus, and it's quite disastrous. I also don't think it's fair that my baby should potentially have to live with the physical, medical and social implications of having HSV because my mum happens to have a boyfriend with the virus at this period in her life (and made her own decision to risk contracting it).

Am I being unreasonable to feel that my mum should refrain from kissing her grandson? I know it's a really unfortunate and quite impolite thing to request.

I don't at all look down upon people who do have the virus, it's just not an outcome that I think is ideal for a baby.

Anyway, I also said above that YANBU for wanting to do everything you can to avoid your baby catching it and it’s completely your call whether to ask your mum not to kiss your baby.

i wasnt aware people kissed newborns on the lips, if anyone tried to i would say please dont, incase you are coming down with a cold and could pass this onto baby. xx

The herpes virus can be dangerous to a newborn and you are right to be cautious, they don't have to be kissed directly on the lips, especially if Baby has any marks or open skin from an instrumental delivery, for it to be a risk and many people who kiss a baby on the cheek can end up touching part of the lip area.
Definitely speak with your midwife or doctor and ask them about the risks and what you should do.

@Sprinklesinmyelbow not everyone who suffers from oral cold sores suffers from genital herpes.

Yes you can transmit them to the genital area or vice versa if you engage in various sexual activities, but as lots people have an attack of oral cold sores as children before they are sexually active then not again it's unlikely.

I didn’t say they did. The vast majority of people with genital herpes won’t get cold sores so quite the opposite really! I said if you have a long term partner with cold sores and you don’t get them that could well because they’ve infected them genitally instead