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Original poster

Wait it out or D&C?

51 replies

Iswallowtoothpaste · 18/06/2018 16:28

Sorry for the mobidity. Found out today that I’ve had a MMC. Supposed to be 10+3 but baby died at 9+3, no heartbeat found.

I want to wait it out as I have been bleeding very lightly on and off. Really don’t like the idea of taking the pill. Having some back ache and very mild cramps but no more bleeding etc. I really don’t want to go back into hospital but kind of feel that if I got it over and done with normality would somewhat resume.

What would you recommend? Want to hear all stories good and bad.

OP posts:
jpclarke · 18/06/2018 19:36

I am so sorry you are going through this. I recently too had a mmc, I was given my three options but I felt the doc was more pushing towards a d&c as I had had previous sections and she was worried about the dangers. The d&c was pretty straight forward, heartbreaking but I don't think there is any nice way to go through it. Do what feels best for you. ThanksThanks

TitsalinaBumsquat · 18/06/2018 19:37

I had the same bad news on Friday. I am 11 weeks. At first I thought I would wait it out and do it at home (as this is what I did when I miscarried at 6 weeks before Christmas). But having done some research into miscarriages at 11 weeks over the weekend, I’ve today been and booked for surgery tomorrow. To be brutally honest, at 11 weeks you can have clots as big as the palm of your hand and I just don’t know if I can cope with dealing with that without a doctor/nurse nearby to help me. I’m too scared of heamorrhaging at home (as this happened when I had my son) and I owe it to my boy to get this done in the safest way possible. I am terrified and feel like I’m taking the easy way out. I feel like my baby deserves to be “delivered” by me and not removed by a doctor, but my son deserves to have his Mum around and for her to be healthy. So that’s my decision process. It’s hard - I wanted to hold my baby even though it will be tiny, and this won’t be an option with surgery but for me it is the safest option.

Good luck, whichever route you take will not be easy but you really should do what is best for you.

mikado1 · 18/06/2018 19:39

I had a v similar experience to you OP, dates etc. I went the natural route and without a doubt it was the right way for me. It took a few days, plenty of tissues and chocolate and stayed in my own house etc. I'm pretty squeamish tho so wouldn't have signed up for D&C unless necessary. I tried to count every blessing at the time and that was one, that it happened by itself.. thinking of you, it's a rotten time.

TitsalinaBumsquat · 18/06/2018 19:43

Oh and to add, I had a termination as a teenager with the tablets. It was quite horrendous, painful and gave me an upset stomach. Not a pleasant experience to go through on a ward with 10 other women.

Owletterocks · 18/06/2018 19:45

Sorry to hear you are going through this op. I will be honest, I tried to wait it out but found it emotionally and psychologically very difficult. I caved after 2 weeks and took the pill, I then bled heavily and ended up in a&e. It wasn’t pleasant but I was glad in the end that it was all over and done with (sorry if that sounds bad, I was desperate to try again and put it behind me)

KingIrving · 18/06/2018 19:51

When I had a MC at 16 weeks, the hospital refused a D&C.
When I say my gynaecologist a month after she told me that however unpleasant it was, it was better for me as

  1. there is a 20% risk of adhesion after a D&C which can lead to reproductive difficulties
  2. I can start trying straight away.

The hospital gave me oxytocin and put me in an 8 bed room with 7 mothers and babies. It was one of my worst experience, for the unbelievable pain, not a single painkiller, a left alone all night, with the other mother buzzing for help for me.

Hoppinggreen · 18/06/2018 19:58

Sorry for your loss
I had a mmc at 12 weeks and opted for surgery, unfortunately the EPU told me to go home “and let nature take its course” so we went Private
Within a matter of hours I had surgery and was very very well looked after. I was devastated and couldn’t sleep so a nurse sat with me for hours- I know I was very lucky to be able to access that kind of care
I felt I couldn’t carry on with any remains of my baby inside me and had to get it sorted ASAP so I could try and move on ( obviously I couldn’t anyway) so surgery was the quickest and least painful option
It also apparently made my hyper fertile and I got pg 1 week later - she’s 13 now !!

littlecabbage · 18/06/2018 20:00

I'm sorry for your loss. I had a MMC about a year ago. I opted for the natural way as I just preferred the thought of it. It happened about 5 days after the MMC had been diagnosed. I was 12 weeks, but the baby had stopped developing at 8 weeks.

I was actually away for the weekend with some friends, as I for some reason didn't think it would happen yet (don't know why I thought that). I had only been bleeding lightly, but then developed some strong abdominal cramps and had to go and lie down in my hotel room. The cramps got stronger and it was similar to being in labour (I already have children) but not as painful as that, and only lasted 20-30 mins until I passed a little sac.

I'm glad it happened naturally, as my husband and I were able to open the sac, see our little baby, and then bury it in our garden, where we planted a beautiful rose bush.

Having said that, I can see how the unpredictability could be a big problem in some circumstances, and I also think the intensity of the contractions might have frightened me had I not experienced labour before.

Hope that helps. Flowers

Original poster
Iswallowtoothpaste · 19/06/2018 08:04

I’m still bleeding and Had mild back and stomach cramps last night - it’s like a bloaty gassy feeling.

Still don’t know what to do. I’ve got work this morning and I want to go in. But then part of me is telling me not to. I hardly slept a wink last night.

OP posts:
myotherbagisgucci · 19/06/2018 08:47

I took a week off work for both my MC's, and it definitely helped me to take that time to look after myself.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 19/06/2018 09:12

I had a day off for the actual surgery, then back to work the next day.. it helps me to keep busy, if I’d stayed at home I’d have wallowed..

Vlcky90 · 19/06/2018 09:30

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in January. It happened naturally and it was extremely painful, i had contraction like pain in the end and passed the sac. The experience was horrendous and made worse by my naivety because I just didn’t know I would end up passing the sac. I bled for about a week afterwards but I was very lucky as it was a complete miscarriage and no follow up was needed.

I am pregnant again now and having experienced the same as last time, I am starting to worry a miscarriage is on the cards again, I have asked myself the same question, how would I do it this time.... initially I thought d&c but when I really think about it, if I could do it naturally again I think I would. I don’t like the risk with D&C and it I could avoid that I would prefer to just in case it causes complications if I want to try again. But my fingers are crossed that I won’t need to do anything this time and everything will be ok.

The grief I felt was unlike any other, it felt like a really lonely place and the comfort for me was writing myself an account of the events and diarising how I felt afterwards. Not sure why but it helped, holiday also done me the world of good. Take care of yourself and let yourself grieve. X

littlecabbage · 19/06/2018 09:32

How understanding are your employers? Are they aware of the situation and would you be able to get home quickly if anything started up? All things to consider.

mikado1 · 19/06/2018 09:34

I wouldn't go in OP. I took a few days off and then went back in afterwards as if nothing had happened :( Wishing you the very best.

Original poster
Iswallowtoothpaste · 19/06/2018 12:52

Ow I’ve been reading horror stories of people going home to have natural miscarriages. It I really don’t want to be put to sleep or take a pill either. This is so shit.

OP posts:
SophieE1987 · 19/06/2018 13:04

I had a D&C 4 weeks ago - baby died at 8+4 and should have been 12 weeks- I was terrified of ‘seeing the baby’ but at the same time terrified of going under the anaesthetic, in the end I chose D&C and I’m so glad I did, the general anaesthetic was really relaxing, the nurses were all lovely and it gave me a sense of closure where I could start to grieve.

I did unfortunately have a tiny bit of retained product which came out naturall 2 days later and the pain was horrendous (I haven’t given birth before) and just going through that and having a few clots made me realise I couldn’t have coped with ‘expectant management’. The most traumatic part of the experience for me was having a scan to double check for retained products and being sent to the scan department which was full of heavily pregnant women and their partners.

The big thing for me as well was the prospect of waiting several weeks and then potentially needing the operation anyway.

I took two weeks off after the scan where we were told the baby had died - that’s just the sicknote the nurse at the EPU gave me, but for me that was enough time, maybe a little too long even. 4 weeks later I still think about the mmc every single day and cry most days but things are getting easier, I’ve gone from never wanting to try again in a million years to very tentatively trying again. I’m back at work and physically I’m fine, just waiting for a period now! You need to make the choice that’s right for you, but that was definitely D&C for me.

jpclarke · 19/06/2018 13:30

Iswallowtoothpaste, there is nothing good about any of tit. A much wanted and loved baby has gone. My only advice is to make a decision and try and get an appointment as soon as you can. I was going to wait a week to have my D&C done because I

jpclarke · 19/06/2018 13:34

Iswallowtoothpaste, there is nothing good about any of it. A much wanted and loved baby has gone. My only advice is to make a decision and try and get an appointment as soon as you can. I was going to wait a week to have my D&C done for other reasons but my consultant and dh were pushing for sooner and in hindsight they were right as it was only pro longing the pain for myself.

miki123 · 19/06/2018 13:40

I’ve had 2 D&Cs, one after a MMC and one due to a retained placenta after DC2’s birth and they were both super straight forward with no pain whatsoever after waking up from the GA and very minimal bleeding. After the MMC it allowed me to look to the future as the awful no knowing/wait was finally over. I would def recommend a D&C.

Thinking of you OP. X

ohhellojo · 19/06/2018 14:02

I had a mmc last week. We found out at 9+4 that the baby had died extremely early on at around 4-5 weeks. I was spotting very slightly with brown for about a week after finding out, then at 10+4 just before I went to the hospital to have the pill (which incidentally no-one actually told me anything about side effects etc) I had a natural miscarriage. So my potential child had passed away about 6 weeks before my body realised. Had nasty cramps, but didn’t need any pain relief. The pain had all but gone after 3-4 hours, but I passed the sac the next day. It wasn’t uncomfortable, it just fell out! I would always, always go natural. Just because it’s easier for me to get my head around my body naturally getting rid of something that didn’t work rather than some stranger digging around in me or, now I know about the pill, the dangers that surround that. So sorry you’ve had to go through this! We’ll both have rainbow babies one day 😊

Original poster
Iswallowtoothpaste · 19/06/2018 16:49

Decided to go for D&C.

Been through enough these last 8 or so weeks I don’t need the pain, risk of haemorrhaging etc. I don’t want to see anything I’m not prepared for either. OH can’t take loads of time off work and I can’t risk it happening when DD & DSD are around. We don’t live near a hospital either - it’s at least a 45 minute drive away on a good day.

I’m hoping it’s straight forward, there’s a risk with all three methods. I can’t just sit waiting around, I need to get on with my life now.

Scared to even think about trying again. Don’t know how I’d cope if this ever happened again, it’s been absolute hell.

OP posts:
Vlcky90 · 19/06/2018 17:19

It’s best to do what is right for you, you are right there are risks whichever way but they are all fairly minimal.

When I miscarried, I couldn’t ever see me wanting to try again but I changed my mind and here I am again. It’s an awful time and nothing anybody said to me made me feel any better, make sure your taking care of yourself and give yourself time to heal. I bought a star when I had my miscarriage, I now have a starry picture up and nobody but me and my partner really know what it represents.

I am so sorry for your loss :(

mikado1 · 19/06/2018 18:14

Thinking of you OP. Talk, talk and keep talking. It gets easier. I held my ds1 in my arms a year to the day after mine. Wishing you the best in the future too.

jpclarke · 19/06/2018 23:03

It is completely shit, the procedure itself is ok. I was put to sleep crying and I woke crying, the emptiness I felt when I woke was something I couldn't of prepared for but u was home within a few hours and apart from feeling like an emotional mess I was fine physically. I will be thinking of you, it's surprisingly more common than you think but not a lot of women actually talk about it. Look after yourself. And be king to yourself.

Chloebbb · 13/10/2021 12:39

Hello,

I’ve been told I’ve had a missed miscarriage and been provided with the options. I want to go down the surgical route (D&C) however the wait on the NHS is over a week. Can anyone recommend a private hospital/provider that could do this sooner in the London/Hertfordshire area or surrounding areas.

Thanks