When / how to tell existing children.

[Patienceofatoddler]

Can anyone recommend any good books which can be used to explain to younger siblings?

And at how many weeks did you plan to tell them?

I'm only ten weeks so no immediate plans to tell the little ones as frankly once 4 year old knows the whole world will know

We have a 3.5 year old and 2 year old.

Any advice much appreciated.

Eldest was 18 months when youngest was born so we just didn't really do anything as such to prepare him as felt he was to young to take it in - obviously he is a lot older now and keen to handle it in a way which won't be a huge chock to them.

Mine are 4 and 2 and all being well I’ll tell them tomorrow after our 12 week scan. Don’t want to leave it any later as a) I don’t want them to find out through other people mentioning it in their earshot and b) 4 year old has already said to me ‘mummy you look like you’ve got a baby in your tummy’.
I’m just going to tell them I’ve got a baby in my tummy and after Christmas they’ll be big sisters. We’ve already done a lot of the ‘birds and the bees’ stuff with DD1 as she’s very inquisitive and asked over and over and over, so don’t think that will be too much of an issue. Then I’ll just deal with any questions as and when!

Our eldest was older than your DC - they'd just turned 5 but we told DC after the 12 week scan, we discussed becoming an older sibling and having the important job of toy tester. We got asked hundreds of times after that if the baby was being born this week, is it their due date yet? DC also took to asking everyone they met if they were pregnant, men and women alike.

I told my 3.5 year old after 20 weeks scan. He had form for saying “I don’t like babies” (when hearing them be noisy/cry etc) and while I knew that wasn’t a real or lasting thing I didn’t want to spring “hey a baby is coming!” on him for a while. While I was quite obviously pregnant by then he really didn’t notice a thing. I wanted to wait until 20 weeks so we could find out what the baby’s sex was and present it more as “you are going to have a baby brother!” rather than just ‘a baby’. He took to the idea really well in the end. I’m due in 3 weeks and it already feels like I told him a lifetime ago so remember how long it seems for you and then for the kids it’s ages! At the moment he’s always telling me “I think my brother wants to come out now Mummy” 😂

My daughter is nearly 3 and I told her after my 20 week scan. I waited until then partly because I wanted to be able to tell her she is having a sister/a brother rather than just a baby, and partly in case there were any problems picked up at the scan. She is very excited and wanted to know all the details of where the baby will sleep, what toys she will have, etc.

If I just had my younger one (nearly 3) I’d leave it longer before telling her but literally nothing gets past my 4 year old. She has ears like a bat!

@SoyDora I was thinking the same in terms of explaining when - ie il be telling them baby will be here after Christmas.

It would definitely be after 12 week scan I wasn't sure if I would last until the 20 week but would love to if I could. But at the same time don't want them finding out from anyone else.

We have spoken to eldest about having another brother or sister and he has been very happy about the idea.

'There's a house inside my mummy' is a nice book explaining it

DD1’s key worker is pregnant, due a couple of weeks before Christmas and she knows ‘x’s baby will be born just before christmas which is a long time away’, so she already has an idea of how long babies take to grow!

There’s a house inside mummy’s tummy and what’s inside your tummy mummy are very sweet books. I wrapped them up along with big brother/sister tshirts and a framed pic of the scan for my DC. Told them when I reached 14 weeks. They didn’t understand what any of it meant at first so I had to explain. DC2 (just turned 7) cried for a while thinking I was lying but as soon as she realised it was the truth, she was happy. DC1 (8) said I was crazy and didn’t understand why I’d want another baby and DC3 (almost 6) bounced around happy. Impossible to predict how children will react.

Oh and we had a private gender scan at 17 weeks which I let them come along to. They saw the baby in 3D which they found Uber creepy but the sonographer was absolutely lovely and explained what was happening to them. She also showed them how the genitals should look if it’s a boy or girl first so when she did the big reveal, they were the ones that shouted ITS A BOY . Very cute.

I told my children after my 20 week scan. My reasons were that its only half the wait time me and dad had. We could say "your gonna have a little sister" I wanted to be sure everything was ok. I couldn't of imagined thw pain if is told them sooner and then gods forbid there be something seriously wrong and baby not make it and because we simply felt that 12 weeks was early to tell them as my youngest is 6 and hes already bored of waiting.

It depends on the child and whether they have a younger sibling already.

My SD was told after the 20 week scan. I mentioned this to two midwives I had seen and that's what they recommend for younger children mainly because the time period of 28 weeks is a very long time for them to wait. She is now very impatiently waiting for them to arrive even though I've warned her that small babies don't do very much for the first few months.

My friend told her toddler earlier but the toddler didn't and still doesn't understand they will have a sibling soon.

On the other hand children who are around 5 and already have a younger sibling, when they were told there is a baby in my tummy understand immediately about having to wait for them to appear.